P.S. I've looked into jobs at places like Whole Foods. The number of applicants on file at one was over 1,000.

Why aren't you in couples therapy? You have been extremely defensive about everything else. But, if you don't answer this one, you will be truly showing us what we already guessed, that you are not looking to fix anything, you are just looking for random internet permission to leave (and sabotogue your own finances).

OP seems to be painting himself like an angel, while DW is a leeching bitch. The way you talk about her, I find it very hard to believe you are just the sweetest guy when she is "yelling and curing at the top of her lungs". Your disdain also wreaks of unsupportive as far as the career goes.

Oh by the way, of course she encouraged you to go for the position! She is your wife idiot! She wanted what was best for you, even if it would have been hard. But now you want her to hurry and find a job so you can divorce her haha wow.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get pissy and angry with her about her job search, but I am angry when she screams, yells and curses me at the top of her lungs and treats me in away no loving spouse should. Her verbal abuse is not justified by her job search frustration and is sucking whatever compassion I may have had out of me.

See, you've changed the focus from your wife's unemployed status to now you're pissed at the way she treats you. So which is it? Not trying to be a jerk here, but people have tried to address issues regarding job stuff and she has a right to be mad, etc, you change it to "I don't like how she treats me." Look at the title of your post and then see where you've gone with it. If you're this cagey in real life, I can see where her frustration is coming from (recognizing that this is an internet forum and might not be at all how you are in real life.)

Anonymous wrote:I don't get pissy and angry with her about her job search, but I am angry when she screams, yells and curses me at the top of her lungs and treats me in away no loving spouse should. Her verbal abuse is not justified by her job search frustration and is sucking whatever compassion I may have had out of me.

The thing is OP... based on your posts it's not clear that you were ever that compassionate to begin with...

Clearly, you want people to give you permission to dump her. But you don't need the approval of strangers on the internet to divorce. If you're done, you're done. You weren't that great of a spouse either, and yes, she sounds like she has a decent case to get alimony for some time.

Anonymous wrote:I gave up by career so that my husband could advance his. made financial sense at the time because his ear inning potential was much higher than mine. Zip forward several years and I found that I could never get back on track. I was frustrated, defeated and unfulfilled. Fortunately, my DH understood and recognized that I had made a sacrifice for him and for our family and has never resented me for that as sacrifice or used it as a weapon against me. OP, you need to put yourself in her shoes and get off your high horse.

I would never put my career second to my spouse's. What a vulnerable position to be in.

I don't get pissy and angry with her about her job search, but I am angry when she screams, yells and curses me at the top of her lungs and treats me in away no loving spouse should. Her verbal abuse is not justified by her job search frustration and is sucking whatever compassion I may have had out of me.

I've been in a similar position to your wife and OP, it sucks. Yes, I agreed to come back to DC but I reluctantly agreed. There are times you have a true choice and then there are times you have a "choice" if you know what I mean. While it seems clear that she was on board going to Asia and worked there and was good to go, how did the conversation go about coming back here? If she wasn't completely on board with leaving, there could be some resentment. And even if she was on board, the only true known factor in that equation is that you had a job, and she was HOPING to get a job. In my case, it took far longer for me to find a job than I thought it would (7 months) and I couldn't help but be resentful of this being the third time that I had to go trolling for work when my husband just hopped along with no break in his resume.

Instead of getting pissy and angry, try to understand that things didn't go the way your wife wanted them too either. It's a hard and humbling pill to swallow and it doesn't make it easier when your husband is judging you for it either.

OP, I haven't read all the posts but I have 2 friends in similar situations (comparable degrees/expertise and 4 years out of the country without a compelling resume line). One came back and found a great job quickly. The other one has been looking for almost a year. I believe luck played a HUGE role in that distinction, but I will also say that the one who can't find work basically refuses to do anything other than apply for posted job openings. She does this diligently but honestly it's not a sensible way to find a job in DC in a field like this. Your wife needs to be networking - having coffee with old colleagues, asking friends of friends of friends with relevant jobs to spend 20 minutes with her, etc. I think my friend avoids this because it is intimidating, but unfortunately it's the only way to get a non-entry level job in a competitive field in a political town. I wish your wife good luck!

Five years is a long time but job hunting sucks. You can spend all day working on an application and then not even hear back about it. This is so discouraging! Op if you really want her to find a job then just be as supportive as you can be. The worst thing when you are trying to find a job is to know you are resented for not having one. You say you don't give her any crap about her job search but then you say you really want her to find a job so you could divorce her easier. I'm sure she realizes this to some extent. I am currently unemployed and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my husbands full support. Last night when I was telling him how upset and defeated I was feeling he told to not stress about it and take all the time I need. He even recommended taking a break from the search. It isn't like we are financially comfortable either.

OP you sound like a piece of work. Be prepared for her to take you to the cleaners in the divorce. Bottom line. You took a job that advanced your career and tanked hers. Whether she was on board or not is irrelevant. You advanced and she did not. We are in a freaking economic crisis in this country. Thank your lucky stars you are not in her shoes, with a sacrificed career, no prospects, and a shitty spouse who wants you to get a job so he doesn't have to pay up when he walks out the door in a divorce.

+1

It's always interesting to see the women come down so hard on any trouble husbands have. I would caution men in the future to reverse their roles in the scenarios to get a more accurate response from some of these she-devils.

OP, your wife needs to step up and get cracking. She's a SAHW (child is in school), so she can't even hang her hat on that benefit. I don't see her going to Asia as a sacrifice (especially if she worked while there). I think she's probably resentful about not finding a job since you've been back and now she's recreating the story..."She never wanted to go and now her future prospects look bad". Of course, I'm sure she was just as excited as you to live abroad at the time this was all happening.

If she's verbally abusive (or just plain bitchy), I don't think bringing up the job search with her will help. I would suggest couple's counseling and let the therapist tell these things to your wife. You're probably pretty resentful and a bit "know-it-all" when you guys talk, so she's just not trying to hear anything you have to say whether it's right or wrong. Go neutral third party on this one.

Address the inability to communicate first. Focus on the job search second. But I definitely agree with you: She needs to pull her weight. You don't owe her a SAH lifestyle and you shouldn't have to kill yourself working to provide one.

OP - Dump this loser stat!

Anonymous wrote:I don't need t raise the employment issue for her to behave this way, but I want/need her to get a job, ESP. If ai decide to divorce.

So you want her to get a job so you can more comfortably divorce her? Yeah, OP, I'm sure she doesn't sense that at all. Good luck to you!