Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 22:25     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
I know three or four married women who had emotional affairs at one time in their life. One of them has low-self esteem, but for the rest of them there was a "fall in love" element involved. Somehow they just fell in love with someone, especially when their dh were too busy with other things.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 22:13     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cheating husband is responsible for his actions. But, so too, is the woman with whom he is cheating. If I feed booze to an alcoholic for my own fun & profit, then I have some culpability. If the alcoholic then goes out, drives drunk, and kills someone; he should go to jail. But I have some culpability as well.



From your perspective, maybe. But realize the cheating spouse is feeding the other woman or other man a distortion of his/her married life.

In my case, the man portrayed his wife as abusive. I truly felt sorry for him and his children. Given the perspective he was painting, I thought the children would be better off without her.



So was he telling the truth about his wife? Did you feel more empathy for him bc of his son story?


I meant, " his sob story".


I don't really know if he was telling the truth about his wife or not. I never met her. My suspicions in hindsight is that he wasn't painting a fair picture or he was just as messed up as she was. I did get a glimpse of his not so pretty side eventually and it made me rethink who was the abusive one in his marriage. He was a skilled liar and manipulator who had a temper.

His whole story sucked me in. From his crazy parents, his awful childhood, how his wife treats him and his kids, the whole package. I am an overly empathetic person. I probably seemed like an easy target. He also could be funny, sexy and charming then turn on you for no reason. I severed all contact after I saw a glimpse into who he really was.



Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 20:53     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
I find these men attractive first and foremost because they are already taken. This way, let the wifey listen to him complain about work when he gets home and has a bad day. Let her wash his dirty laundry and sleep next to him every night while he snores and snores, etc.

I like getting the "better side" of him.
The charming and happier side of him.
OOOhhh....and the mind~blowing sex. Yes!!

No, I do not feel guilty. I don't know the wife so therefore, I do not owe her a damn thing.
If I knew her, then it would be a whole other ball game. But since I don't know the woman, I am free to do whatever I want.

Trust me, if it wasn't me fucking your hubby, it would be someone else.
I also like the fact that I can have him when I want him, but when I want my space, I can send him home to the wifey. I don't have to worry about him calling me incessantly or wanting me to move in w/him.

It's nice.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 20:51     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Sometimes when you spend 8-10 hours a day at work with someone an emotional bond forms. I don't think that means that those two people are sad/lonely/crazy. But if you are both attractive/attracted it's human nature to start to care for someone you spend a lot of time with.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 19:10     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cheating husband is responsible for his actions. But, so too, is the woman with whom he is cheating. If I feed booze to an alcoholic for my own fun & profit, then I have some culpability. If the alcoholic then goes out, drives drunk, and kills someone; he should go to jail. But I have some culpability as well.



From your perspective, maybe. But realize the cheating spouse is feeding the other woman or other man a distortion of his/her married life.

In my case, the man portrayed his wife as abusive. I truly felt sorry for him and his children. Given the perspective he was painting, I thought the children would be better off without her.



So was he telling the truth about his wife? Did you feel more empathy for him bc of his son story?


I meant, " his sob story".
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 16:49     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
I have a very negative opinion of women who choose to date knowingly attached men. When I was cheated on by a live-in boyfriend (luckily not married, no family to ruin..) He was to total douche, no doubt in my mind. BUT the other women was terrible and unrelenting. She texted every night, he would sleep through them but I would see the phone going off with multiple messages from her- almost as if she were trying to instigate conflict or interrupt "our time" together.

I do honestly believe this women felt very entitled to what she was doing with my now ex-boyfriend. I am sure he was saying awful things about me to justify his behavior to her, but she ended up stalking me, coming after me and then playing innocent when I confronted her. She even texted me from his phone pretending to be him and tried to end things with me. All while he was trying to have both of us.

In the end, I know HE was the user, the one who humiliated me and all that, but this women was in no way innocent. She got him in the end and bragged liked she had "won"- just to have him turn around and do the same thing to her less than two years later!

I don't believe that all OW'S are exactly like her, but she was crazy. She was also a liar, she was also manipulative and she very knowingly went for an attached man thinking he was some prize to be won from someone else.

I think that is the part I will never understand, it seemed to mean so much to her but- how could she believe that he would be loyal to her after what she witnessed/ participated in? I think women like her a very damaged.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 16:29     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cheating husband is responsible for his actions. But, so too, is the woman with whom he is cheating. If I feed booze to an alcoholic for my own fun & profit, then I have some culpability. If the alcoholic then goes out, drives drunk, and kills someone; he should go to jail. But I have some culpability as well.

If a kid's home is wrecked by a cheating father; the blame is primarily on the father. But the other woman is not blameless in that situation. It was a foreseeable result that her actions would harm the child.

Oh, and this is an aside, but on various forums I've seen people talking about having sex with their "emotional affair." At that point, it's just an affair.


From your perspective, maybe. But realize the cheating spouse is feeding the other woman or other man a distortion of his/her married life.

In my case, the man portrayed his wife as abusive. I truly felt sorry for him and his children. Given the perspective he was painting, I thought the children would be better off without her.



So was he telling the truth about his wife? Did you feel more empathy for him bc of his son story?
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 16:03     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
I had an "emotional affair" (or he did with me, I guess) with a married man in my workplace when I was 25. I can tell you that I was terribly naive and thought at the time that he was a good friend and mentor in my first legal job and that was all. It wasn't until he helped me move, and put a move on me, that it became clear to me that he was interested in much more. I think your view that all women who get close to men emotionally are predatory is pretty skewed. And no, I never slept with him, and I did not break up his marriage. Never saw him again outside the workplace.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 15:52     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it's strange how women blame the other woman for breaking up the family when really it's the husbands fault, hes the one who had a responsibility to his family. Anyway, all types of women could find themselves in an affair with a married guy. People think slutty, lonely, easy women but that's just not true. We are all flawed humans. We all make stupid decisions from time to time.


Your either/or view of fault is very confusing to me. Sure, it's his fault. But if the Other Woman knew about the family, it's her fault too. I have no problem saying that the husband is more at fault -- he has greater obligations to his family. But the Other Woman also has some minimum obligations -- even if it's nothing more than having the simple decency not to voluntarily fuck another person's spouse.



Yes, you're right. The other woman has minimal blame I guess. In my own personal experience, my husband was having an affair with an old high school gf, and totally feeding the other woman a load of bs, telling her we were divorcing, he was gonna be with her, he loved her and her child, I was basically a cold heartless bitch when in reality he was playing a happily married man when he was home and she was nothing but a temporary outlet for whatever it was he felt he needed. I feel like she was duped, like we both were. So personally I have placed blame on him, not her. Maybe it's just easier that way for me, idk. People say they feel a certain way about a certain topic, but until you live the situation, you don't really know how you'll feel.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 15:30     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Example 1: My friend's husband had an affair (their marriage was headed to divorce anyway but he began his affair while she was in the hospital). His affair partner was separated from her husband, had a very low income as a part-time nanny, was infertile and loved children. I think she saw my friend's husband as a golden ticket--high income, she'd get to be an insta-mom to 2 kids, etc. They are living together and she absolutely wants this to be a long term, serious thing.

Example 2: My friend had an affair with an engaged man (he was doing a temporary assignment in her office) and hooked up with a different man in a very long-term committed relationship (he later dumped the girlfriend, dated my friend and cheated on her too). Honestly, I think she's just lonely and desperate and I've seen numerous examples of morally questionable behavior from her. She felt badly about both affairs--but not enough to stop them.

Example 3: My husband once had a fling with someone. Ignoring the reasons why he did it which are their own story, the woman involved had serious mental issues (professional diagnoses, not just me speculating here). She certainly had no shame about the fact that he was married (she joked about being a mistress on her facebook page). I don't really know what her expectations were--they lived on opposite sides of the country and got together twice and neither had any plans to move, but she had built it into a very significant relationship in her head. She was angry at me when it looked like we were getting divorced (wtf?) and devastated when he broke it off with her.


I totally believe those scenarios. But what is your point? For the women engaged/married to those cheating men, what does the motivation of the other women have to do with the fact that now they are in a relationship with someone who violated their trust in a horrible way?

If you change the motivation of the other woman/man and your spouse still cheats on you, the personality flaws of the other woman are irrelevant. You've got bigger fish to fry: what are you going to do with your cheating spouse?


My point was to answer the original question (which said nothing about her husband having an affair and simply asked what type of woman does this) with the three examples I happen to know about in depth. Which I think show that different women have entirely different motivations and there is no "type" of woman who does this. I do think it's possible to wonder about this without absolving the married men in these scenarios. I don't blame the woman my husband cheated with for what he did--if it hadn't been her it would have been someone else. But she's still a trainwreck who makes incredibly poor decisions in many, many aspects of her life and sometimes I do wonder (more in a pitying way than a hateful way) how she got to be so irrevocably messed up.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 14:52     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:I think it's strange how women blame the other woman for breaking up the family when really it's the husbands fault, hes the one who had a responsibility to his family. Anyway, all types of women could find themselves in an affair with a married guy. People think slutty, lonely, easy women but that's just not true. We are all flawed humans. We all make stupid decisions from time to time.


Your either/or view of fault is very confusing to me. Sure, it's his fault. But if the Other Woman knew about the family, it's her fault too. I have no problem saying that the husband is more at fault -- he has greater obligations to his family. But the Other Woman also has some minimum obligations -- even if it's nothing more than having the simple decency not to voluntarily fuck another person's spouse.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 14:51     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:I think it's strange how women blame the other woman for breaking up the family when really it's the husbands fault, hes the one who had a responsibility to his family. Anyway, all types of women could find themselves in an affair with a married guy. People think slutty, lonely, easy women but that's just not true. We are all flawed humans. We all make stupid decisions from time to time.


If my husband cheated on me with himself then it would not really have affected my family. So, yes, the women is just as responsible for her actions.

Nobody in Boston had a responsibility to render aid to the injured. Good people help others even if they don't know them, let alone have " responsibility" towards that person.

Women and men in affairs hurt children, period, live with t.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 14:48     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cheating husband is responsible for his actions. But, so too, is the woman with whom he is cheating. If I feed booze to an alcoholic for my own fun & profit, then I have some culpability. If the alcoholic then goes out, drives drunk, and kills someone; he should go to jail. But I have some culpability as well.

If a kid's home is wrecked by a cheating father; the blame is primarily on the father. But the other woman is not blameless in that situation. It was a foreseeable result that her actions would harm the child.

Oh, and this is an aside, but on various forums I've seen people talking about having sex with their "emotional affair." At that point, it's just an affair.


From your perspective, maybe. But realize the cheating spouse is feeding the other woman or other man a distortion of his/her married life.

In my case, the man portrayed his wife as abusive. I truly felt sorry for him and his children. Given the perspective he was painting, I thought the children would be better off without her.



I don't think it's a matter of perspective. "His family life is toxic. Those poor kids. Maybe if I have sex with him, things will be better for them."

The most charitable explanation is that the other woman is self-centered enough not to be thinking about the likely consequences of her involvement with a douchebag who would cheat on his family.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 14:47     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cheating husband is responsible for his actions. But, so too, is the woman with whom he is cheating. If I feed booze to an alcoholic for my own fun & profit, then I have some culpability. If the alcoholic then goes out, drives drunk, and kills someone; he should go to jail. But I have some culpability as well.

If a kid's home is wrecked by a cheating father; the blame is primarily on the father. But the other woman is not blameless in that situation. It was a foreseeable result that her actions would harm the child.

Oh, and this is an aside, but on various forums I've seen people talking about having sex with their "emotional affair." At that point, it's just an affair.


From your perspective, maybe. But realize the cheating spouse is feeding the other woman or other man a distortion of his/her married life.

In my case, the man portrayed his wife as abusive. I truly felt sorry for him and his children. Given the perspective he was painting, I thought the children would be better off without her.



So add stupid to the list. Lonely, low self esteem, stupid, etc.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 14:43     Subject: What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?
I think it's strange how women blame the other woman for breaking up the family when really it's the husbands fault, hes the one who had a responsibility to his family. Anyway, all types of women could find themselves in an affair with a married guy. People think slutty, lonely, easy women but that's just not true. We are all flawed humans. We all make stupid decisions from time to time.