Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 13:48     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP


I think you might be reading too much into this. My guess is the couple is just trying to say to the men "A jacket is fine, don't have to wear a suit if you don't want to" and to the women "feel free to wear a patterned daytime/sundress and not feel like you need a more semi-formal cocktail dress"



That is a really nice interpretation. Thank you.
OP
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 13:25     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code

So if it says black tie, which is quite standard on formal invites, it is giving guidance only to the men since women are presumably not wearing tuxes. Attire for black tie events for women does tend to vary - from fancy cocktail to ball gowns, and I would rather have them specify which it is on the invite. Same goes for casual, where there is a greater range of choices. I think business casual is a bad choice of words since it's not a business event, but at least it describes the appropriate attire for the men.

If you don't want to "lounge and look beautiful" then don't. Not sure what being an aunt has to do with it. Are aunts required to be frumpy?

I hope your children are excited to be participating in the wedding. It is nice of your family to include them. Maybe you can send them with your parents or another family member and keep your bitterness out of the events.


Thank you. my children are exited. It's not that I don't want to lounge and look beautiful. That sounds great. What did bother me is the notion that young girls are raised to think they need to focus on catching a husband who can provide for them rather than on their their abilities to provide for themselves. But I'm getting over it. What also bothered me was that I thought it was a "fashion mistake", but the perspective that it is an attempt to make things easier and clearer is helpful. It would be nice if these dress codes were developed and clarified a bit. OP
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 10:49     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP


This is so weird of you, OP - probably they wrote business casual for men because most men wouldn't understand what "summer cocktail" means and to make it easier on people so they don't have to go out and buy new clothes. Hell, I wouldn't know what to suggest to my husband for "summer cocktail". Is that like a seersucker suit or light colored suit? Most men don't have that, whereas most women already have a fancy sundress or colorful cocktail dress that they can wear.


Okay, every woman EXCEPT for you, apparently.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 10:44     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP


This is so weird of you, OP - probably they wrote business casual for men because most men wouldn't understand what "summer cocktail" means and to make it easier on people so they don't have to go out and buy new clothes. Hell, I wouldn't know what to suggest to my husband for "summer cocktail". Is that like a seersucker suit or light colored suit? Most men don't have that, whereas most women already have a fancy sundress or colorful cocktail dress that they can wear.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 10:40     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP


So if it says black tie, which is quite standard on formal invites, it is giving guidance only to the men since women are presumably not wearing tuxes. Attire for black tie events for women does tend to vary - from fancy cocktail to ball gowns, and I would rather have them specify which it is on the invite. Same goes for casual, where there is a greater range of choices. I think business casual is a bad choice of words since it's not a business event, but at least it describes the appropriate attire for the men.

If you don't want to "lounge and look beautiful" then don't. Not sure what being an aunt has to do with it. Are aunts required to be frumpy?

I hope your children are excited to be participating in the wedding. It is nice of your family to include them. Maybe you can send them with your parents or another family member and keep your bitterness out of the events.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 09:59     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP


I don't think it is a different dress code-simply a nice way of communicating no suit/no tux to the men and the level of clothes for the women. I see no reason the OP could not a female version of her DH's outfit: linen pants, silk cami, blazer with fun heels [as opposed to business shoes]. Best suggestion I read is to just not attend. The loss is the cost of the flower girl dresses. Can they be returned?
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 09:40     Subject: Re:May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:I take offense because I believe that one dress code applies to both men and women. That already in the dress code there is a standard for men and a standard for women, correct? Why would you have a different dress code for them? I wear business casual every day to work. I don't mind a different dress code (Summer Cocktail) for the wedding, but I think it should apply to the male guests as well. I take offense because I take it to be based on the assumption that males work and make money and the women lounge and look beautiful for them. As a woman (and an Aunt) I find that offensive. Am I wrong?
OP


I think you might be reading too much into this. My guess is the couple is just trying to say to the men "A jacket is fine, don't have to wear a suit if you don't want to" and to the women "feel free to wear a patterned daytime/sundress and not feel like you need a more semi-formal cocktail dress"

Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 05:13     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:Bea, is it really you?

What "summer cocktail" would Bea look right in???

OP
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2013 05:11     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Bea, is it really you?



Wow, that is really close!
OP
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2013 21:44     Subject: May wedding Dress Code
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:i think you are over analyzing way too much. i dont understand your issues with the dress code and it sounds like you are over reacting and are bitter. its unfortunate the flower girls dresses dont fit as they should but that is an issue with the place you ordered them and not the brides fault.
weddings are expensive. people pay a lot of money to host them and guests pay a lot of money to attend. you keep saying you are ok with 'your responsibility' of the money but it actually sounds more like you are not. be happy for the couple not bitter and judgemental.


Thanks, This helps.

I don't want to be bitter and judgemental. I do wonder how the VA Governor's daughter feels about her wedding now that the evidence is published it was funded by a bribe to her parents because it was not an affordable wedding for them or her. Not all weddings are expensive, so I don't agree with that statement per se. I do agree I should be happy for the couple and they are not intentionally doing anything to make me unhappy.


Bea, is it really you?