Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 23:30     Subject: MIL complains about us to her friends
I think it's pretty harmless. Everyone further removed from parenting than we are thinks that we worry too much. I think my friends with newborns worry too much, and my kid is just a toddler! Our parents think that we are stressing ourselves out for no reason. I know for a fact that my mom discusses my parenting choices with other people because she doesn't get it. It's okay. I roll my eyes, still love my mom. No one thinks you're a bad mom and you don't need to make a federal case out of this. Maintaining a good relationship between your kid and your MIL is far more important than executing a four-step plan to show your MIL how wrong she is.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 22:36     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op I don't know how old your DC is but a little frosting won't hurt anyone. Micromanaging your MIL will hurt lots of relationships. You need to let MIL break rules sometimes as long as everyone stays safe.


I don't know, I don't think it's cool to load up someone else's kid on sugar when you're not the one that has to deal with the fallout afterwards.


I thought that was basically the grandparents' job description!

Besides, there is no "fallout" from sugar: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/busting-sugar-hyperactivity-myth Do an extra-thorough tooth-brushing that night and consider it a special treat.

OP, is there a chance your MIL and her pal see this as good-natured or well-meaning teasing of an overprotective first-time mom? I have to agree with the first PP quoted here. To maintain your good relationship with your MIL, best to assume she wasn't complaining about you, but talking fondly of your very lovable overprotective tendencies when it comes to her grandchild's nutrition.


Sugar can indeed affect behavior of certain children. Also, if the icing was colored, the food dyes can affect young kids. The first time my 2-year-old had cupcake icing, it had been dyed red to look like Elmo. He was off-the-walls an hour later, then had trouble sleeping later in the day.


Did he have this cupcake at an event that might have been exciting and activating? Like a birthday party or a fun activity? It is usually the context of the event that gets the kids worked up and excited, not the food being served at the event. For kids who don't normally eat sugar, often the only time they are given sugary treats are at time of great excitement.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 22:25     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
OP,

Is it possible that the friend thought she was posting on the MIL's wall or messaging her? My own mom gets really confused some time on FB. She doesn't always know the difference between posting and commenting or private messages. I also think that older people don't always understand the public nature of FB. I am sure your MIL talks about you with her friends. Don't you talk to your friends about her? I know my MIL talks about me. I certainly engage in an eye roll or two about her with my friends.

I would be ticked off as well. I can't say I would do nothing. I am just not built that way.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 21:14     Subject: MIL complains about us to her friends
You all are freaking nuts. Some frosting from grandma? No big deal, mine used to give us nutella on white bread. You're just way to uptight.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 14:26     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 13:54     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
I thought that was basically the grandparents' job description!

Besides, there is no "fallout" from sugar: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/busting-sugar-hyperactivity-myth Do an extra-thorough tooth-brushing that night and consider it a special treat.

OP, is there a chance your MIL and her pal see this as good-natured or well-meaning teasing of an overprotective first-time mom? I have to agree with the first PP quoted here. To maintain your good relationship with your MIL, best to assume she wasn't complaining about you, but talking fondly of your very lovable overprotective tendencies when it comes to her grandchild's nutrition.


Please dear God let me hand my kid off to you after drinking juice. He's an meltdown monster. It isn't due to hyperactivity - it's from the blood sugar drop.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 13:49     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op I don't know how old your DC is but a little frosting won't hurt anyone. Micromanaging your MIL will hurt lots of relationships. You need to let MIL break rules sometimes as long as everyone stays safe.


I don't know, I don't think it's cool to load up someone else's kid on sugar when you're not the one that has to deal with the fallout afterwards.


I thought that was basically the grandparents' job description!
Besides, there is no "fallout" from sugar: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/busting-sugar-hyperactivity-myth Do an extra-thorough tooth-brushing that night and consider it a special treat.

OP, is there a chance your MIL and her pal see this as good-natured or well-meaning teasing of an overprotective first-time mom? I have to agree with the first PP quoted here. To maintain your good relationship with your MIL, best to assume she wasn't complaining about you, but talking fondly of your very lovable overprotective tendencies when it comes to her grandchild's nutrition.


For your information, a grandmother's job is to provide her grandchild with a lint-covered sugar-free peppermint LifeSaver dug up from the bottom of her purse. No more, no less.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 13:31     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op I don't know how old your DC is but a little frosting won't hurt anyone. Micromanaging your MIL will hurt lots of relationships. You need to let MIL break rules sometimes as long as everyone stays safe.


I don't know, I don't think it's cool to load up someone else's kid on sugar when you're not the one that has to deal with the fallout afterwards.


I thought that was basically the grandparents' job description!

Besides, there is no "fallout" from sugar: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/busting-sugar-hyperactivity-myth Do an extra-thorough tooth-brushing that night and consider it a special treat.

OP, is there a chance your MIL and her pal see this as good-natured or well-meaning teasing of an overprotective first-time mom? I have to agree with the first PP quoted here. To maintain your good relationship with your MIL, best to assume she wasn't complaining about you, but talking fondly of your very lovable overprotective tendencies when it comes to her grandchild's nutrition.


Sugar can indeed affect behavior of certain children. Also, if the icing was colored, the food dyes can affect young kids. The first time my 2-year-old had cupcake icing, it had been dyed red to look like Elmo. He was off-the-walls an hour later, then had trouble sleeping later in the day.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 13:20     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op I don't know how old your DC is but a little frosting won't hurt anyone. Micromanaging your MIL will hurt lots of relationships. You need to let MIL break rules sometimes as long as everyone stays safe.


I don't know, I don't think it's cool to load up someone else's kid on sugar when you're not the one that has to deal with the fallout afterwards.


But it's not just a little frosting. Every child-centered activity, get together, meal is christened with flavored sugar in not insignificant quantities. People who say it's just one cookie, one scoop of ice cream - everything's ok in moderation - seem to forget that in order to have moderation, you have to say no sometimes and if that "no" happens to coincide with the lump of sugar you want to put on my child's plate, then you take great offense. If I can't say no to this mound of sugar because you'll get offended, then are you volunteering the next person's sweet offering as the item to be decline for moderation's sake?

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/2013/02/20/why-is-everyone-always-giving-my-kids-junk-food
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 13:09     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:
This was a shitty thing of the friend to say...but was it really so unreasonable for your mom to have shared her feelings with her friends?? Don't you talk to your friends about your parents, your ILs?


Seriously? It was super shitty of her to share my PRIVATE medical information with her friends, yes.


So you're saying that adult children never talk to their friends about their ILs who have medical issues, particularly common as our parents age and require more assistance? (e.g. parent/IL who has dementia, incontinence etc). Or even cancer, diabetes etc? We do this all the time. What was shitty was for your mother's friend to blab to you like this.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 13:03     Subject: Re:MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op I don't know how old your DC is but a little frosting won't hurt anyone. Micromanaging your MIL will hurt lots of relationships. You need to let MIL break rules sometimes as long as everyone stays safe.


I don't know, I don't think it's cool to load up someone else's kid on sugar when you're not the one that has to deal with the fallout afterwards.


I thought that was basically the grandparents' job description!

Besides, there is no "fallout" from sugar: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/busting-sugar-hyperactivity-myth Do an extra-thorough tooth-brushing that night and consider it a special treat.

OP, is there a chance your MIL and her pal see this as good-natured or well-meaning teasing of an overprotective first-time mom? I have to agree with the first PP quoted here. To maintain your good relationship with your MIL, best to assume she wasn't complaining about you, but talking fondly of your very lovable overprotective tendencies when it comes to her grandchild's nutrition.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:45     Subject: MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:I would let it go....talk to dh, and make him bring it up.

I have interfering inlaws to, who will order my 3 yr old a framing can of coke at restaurants even when I say no. Luckily dd doesn't defy me and won't sip it, even tho grandma is egging her on. Just had my second baby 2 weeks ago and grandma is vehemently against me nursing and only believes in formula. She enrages me. Calls my mom and me non stop to make sure dc is getting formula and not breast milk!!!, I lie and say yes and go about my business. Dh travels too much to navigate it all, but I make him handle situations that are to his kids benefit, ie no soft drinks, we are nursing, tell ur mom to get over it.

But, apart from them overstepping with my kids they love them and men well, and if I said something the situation would become too sensitive....I want the kids not to feel the tension, so I let it go, but don't give on.


You should r4eally just tell your MIL to shout the heel up about how/what you feed your baby. I would not lie about this or put up with it for one minute. Have your mom tell her to shut up too.

As for the soda, I qwould be seriously pissed if anyone did this to me. They actually encourage your daughter to drink it in front of you after you have said no???? I wuld get up from the table, pick up my child, and leave. I would not agree to have a meal with them outside of my own home again until they apologized and never did it again.

Seriously, PP< this is the WORST, most OBNOXIOUS, and absolutely unforgivable behavior I think I have heqard about from in laws. If you dont put your foot down now, while you children are sio small, these ILs will cause serious damage to your children and your relqtionship with your children when they are older. This is DANGEROUS!!!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:26     Subject: MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would let it go....talk to dh, and make him bring it up.

I have interfering inlaws to, who will order my 3 yr old a framing can of coke at restaurants even when I say no. Luckily dd doesn't defy me and won't sip it, even tho grandma is egging her on. Just had my second baby 2 weeks ago and grandma is vehemently against me nursing and only believes in formula. She enrages me. Calls my mom and me non stop to make sure dc is getting formula and not breast milk!!!, I lie and say yes and go about my business. Dh travels too much to navigate it all, but I make him handle situations that are to his kids benefit, ie no soft drinks, we are nursing, tell ur mom to get over it.

But, apart from them overstepping with my kids they love them and men well, and if I said something the situation would become too sensitive....I want the kids not to feel the tension, so I let it go, but don't give on.


I am fascinated by this. Why does she think breast milk is bad??


I'm curious as well!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:16     Subject: MIL complains about us to her friends
Anonymous wrote:I would let it go....talk to dh, and make him bring it up.

I have interfering inlaws to, who will order my 3 yr old a framing can of coke at restaurants even when I say no. Luckily dd doesn't defy me and won't sip it, even tho grandma is egging her on. Just had my second baby 2 weeks ago and grandma is vehemently against me nursing and only believes in formula. She enrages me. Calls my mom and me non stop to make sure dc is getting formula and not breast milk!!!, I lie and say yes and go about my business. Dh travels too much to navigate it all, but I make him handle situations that are to his kids benefit, ie no soft drinks, we are nursing, tell ur mom to get over it.

But, apart from them overstepping with my kids they love them and men well, and if I said something the situation would become too sensitive....I want the kids not to feel the tension, so I let it go, but don't give on.


I am fascinated by this. Why does she think breast milk is bad??
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:14     Subject: MIL complains about us to her friends
OP, how would your child ever even wind up at the home of someone you don't know to eat icing or cake in the first place?