I picked up on that too (quitting her own job) and was shocked. How much is this really costing you OP? Add the lost income to the list of reasons to stop the free sitting.

Also, not to upset you, but what is wrong with your husband that he is allowing this? Can't he see your depression starting? Hear your complaints? My husband would have ended this with his sister long ago.

I think that the best solutions have been mentioned, but I would put them together.

1. starting as soon as possible, they will hire a mothers helper to assist you
2. during this time, they will be seeking permanent child care
3. on X date, they will assume care of their children, whether themselves or by someone they hire

Key points:
--you have worked hard to help out the family at a time of need
--"temporary" is just that
--your mental health/family life/home life is starting to suffer
--you need to take the focus back to your kids, who need a little more personal attention during this family crisis

Also, am I the only one who read the part about YOU quitting your OWN JOB to take on this burden? Pardon me, but how dare they, family or not? Their finances can't handle this, but you have QUIT YOUR JOB to essentially work for them for free?? At this, I am appalled.

What about your own family's income needs?

I say be kind, be gracious, be firm, but be done. I would also recommend handling this yourself. If you have your husband do it, there is more chance of bitterness because "you put him up to it".

4 months of 3 day a week childcare and all they have given you is 3 gift cards and a now concrete evidence of looking for a daycare plan...
How crazy!

Anonymous wrote:I think the mother's helper option is a great idea but SIL and BIL must pay for it. And really, it should be far less than what they'd pay for regular day care. If you weren't around to solve this problem for them they'd have to find a way to pay and this is not fair to you. Hang in there. A parental illness really rocks everyone in the family and stuff like this makes is even harder.

+1000000

Tbh your sil should have suggested this but you are totally fair to tell her this is the only way you can continue to have them

OP, in the short term, mother's helper is good advice but SIL pay for all of it, not just chip in. Instead of taking the $50 grocery cards, tell SIL exactly how much extra cash you spent (grocery, gas, utilities) because of taking care of her kids. Give her the chance to reimburse you 100%.

Until your SIL makes other arrangements, what could she do for you on the weekends in return for your help during the week? Babysit on Saturday nights after the kids are in bed? Take your kids over to visit grandma? Cook meals to stock your freezer?

You should get this resolved before the summer hits and school lets out.

Free day care aside, your sister may be in denial that her mother won't get better right away. Cancer can take many turns. Chemo's side effects are cumulative.

Has your DH had a face to face conversation with SIL about this yet?

Remember, OP, you need to put your OWN kids first, and that means a happy, relaxed mamma! I think a road trip with just your brood sounds like the perfect way to get their kids out of your hair and make them figure something else out.

Tell them that you are sorry to end their childcare, but in 2 weeks, on X date, you will no longer be watching their kids. Stick to it, and do not go a day longer. Tell them that you are okay watching them 1 day a month when their childcare falls through. They are using you; and that is rude. You are basically running an unlisenced daycare at this point. There is a max to the number of kids you can eatch, including yours.

Huh???? Just reading this upsets me.

OP, you've done a wonderful thing for the family, you are a kind and generous person. Your SIL is a user and is taking advantage of you. She's using your kind-heartedness and flexibility for her convenience.

Yes, finding childcare after getting a full ride is stressful; yes, finding money for this can be a challenge, HOWEVER, YOU ARE NOT THE ANSWER to this problem!! It's their challenge to figure out! They are adults, fully capable, employed, and they ought to be able to find the solution themselves, without imposing it on you.

It's not like occasionally babysitting when mom and dad go out to dinner. Going form 3 to 5 kids is a drastic change of lifestyle and it's obvious to me that you don't like it. I know this is difficult with family, but this is what I would do: tell them straight up that this is not working for you, and they have X time (like a month) to find alternative arrangements. If your SIL begins to cry, break down, whatever, just stay firm and tell yourself that this is not YOUR PROBLEM. It's HER PROBLEM. She's an adult. Let her figure it out. Jeez, with 3 kids it's a wonder you are even able to look after 5. You've done her a SUPER MAJOR FAVOR. I'm not regularly a capitalizer of letters, but this situation is bizarre. Call her on it. Just do it. They are taking advantage of you.

OP, you are sacrificing a lot for the family and I hope everyone appreciates how much you are doing. But appreciation is not enough. You should tell your husband how difficult the situation is for you, make him understand that it is not sustainable. Both of you should talk it over with SIL and her husband, basically saying that you guys need the arrangement to change and give a time line. Suggestions like a mother's helper (if that is enough to make it maneagable for you) and weekend times with all kids at SIL's house could be part of the change IF THAT WORKS FOR YOU. Beyond that, I would not make suggestions to SIL/BIL -- they can best figure out how to trim the budget/balace childcare.

I think your husband needs to stand up for you and his mom in this scenario. It will still be ugly, but much better coming from him.

This is the key. OP, You're a good person for doing all this so far. And I understand your husband doesn't want his Mom taking on childcare again, so that needs to be a part of the conversation. Your BIL and SIL need to figure it out. It stinks, but taking care of 5 kids is too much. Your husband shodul have a conversation with his brother and tell him, straight out, that you will not be able to continue to do this. Then your husband and ALL his other siblings should resist any attenpts to foist the kids back on MIL, or evebn bring it up with her. It isn;t her problem, and she shouldn't be involved.

I'd guess you are being made to feel like you are doing a nice thing for your sick MIL, not for your SIL. That's incorrect, and you should resent it - hell, I resent it on your behalf. You're doing a favor for a healthy, able-bodied adult with a job and two kids. You have every right to put a time limit on it - my limit woudl have been far shorter than the months you've already done it.

I would come up with some sort of reason why, after a certain upcoming date, you cannot do it anymore. Example:

"Gee, I'm so terribly sorry, but after May 1, we'll be busy with swim team/insert whatever activitiy you want here, so we won't be able to keep up this arrangement anymore. I have heard from friends that daycare xyz is really good and that they may have openings. Do you want me to pass along her # in case you have any questions?"

Oh, also - I would start demanding that they take all 4 older kids, on alternating Friday nights, or a Saturday afternoon or something. Same deal - you need to get stuff done, too.
I think one or two playdates at HER house will make your point.
And DH and his other sibs needs to have a frank conversation with his mom - you are NOT to babysit again.

NP here, wow OP I'm really sorry - you are definitely in a tough spot!
I agree with PP's about setting a deadline. If you get a mothers helper between now and then, BSIL need to pay for all of it.
Could you suggest that SIL's MIL take her kids + your kids one day per week? "B/c five kids is a lot and I can't get anything done and I have a doctor's appt that day." Etc. When MIL complains to SIL that 5 kids is way too much, maybe that will help?
What WOULD you do if you needed to visit the doctor/etc during the week? Yikes.
Have they provided car seats for you, and can you even fit all the kids in one of your cars? I mean, imagine if you needed to take one kid to the ER. How would you handle that physically?

Maybe tell them that you MUST reduce them to 1-2 days per week, starting May 1. That will get them off their lazy butts to start lining up childcare. Can they send any of their kids to PK with yours?

I have a friend like this... mom and dad do ALL the babysitting for her two (soon to be 3) and her brother's 2 kids. I have no idea how or why. It would benefit her DH's career to move, but she refuses to leave the immediate area b/c then WHO would care for the kids? Daycare is so beneath her (and I think her pay would likely not cover childcare costs for 3).

Good luck, OP.

Given how ungrateful the SIL appears, I would recommend nipping this in the bud very soon. (Ungrateful = only minimal contribution for groceries, never takes your kids, expects grandparents to provide all child care.) I would not give her until June 1, that's ridiculous, since it's already gone on for months.

How old are the kids? Are they in preschool or is this all-day care. I might feel differently if we are only talking about after-school care until dinner.

I would give her until mid-April to find a different situation. Tell her that it's not working for you or your kids or financially (added grocery bill, etc. anymore) and if she tried to watch 5 kids every day, she would understand. Your DH and other sibs need to protect their mother from doing any child care that would jeopardize her recovery.

OP you need to let go of the guilt about your MIL. If SIL tries to put the childcare back on MIL once you end your arrangement, that is between SIL and MIL. SIL is shitty for asking, but MIL is a grown woman and if she chooses to take it on that is on her. It shouldn't fall on you just because you feel bad knowing it will fall on MIL if you don't do it. It's neither of your responsibilities. It's SIL/BIL's responsibility, and if anyone chooses to take it on for them, that is their choice. Obviously you are good relatives for helping out in a pinch, but it's no longer a pinch. This is the new reality and they (NOT you) need to figure out how to deal. Watching 5 kids at once is too many. You're not running a daycare.