I have one of my each. My youngest has ADHD. My oldest has mild ASD.

The oldest with mild ASD was much more challenging as a baby and younger child. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 17 months old. He didn't potty train until he was 4. He threw incredible tantrums. He had severe delays in receptive, expressive and pragmatic language. He was extremely disruptive in his (private school) classroom during K, 1st and 2nd grade. He got kicked out of daycamp. He got kicked out of swim lessons. He slapped a teacher in the back of the head. (She had it coming, but it's still not okay.) We had to watch him like a hawk because he continued to mouth objects and put them in his mouth (like a toddler) until he was almost 9. We did counseling, 4+ years of speech therapy, two summers of daily social skills groups, and parent mediated behavioral training. He is now in 4th grade and doing very well. He is a reasonably outgoing, bright, charming young man. He has normal(ish) speech and okay social skills. He has friends. He is happy. He is in a mainstream class at public school and getting straight A's. He manages his own activities of daily living, including organizing his homework.

The youngest with ADHD was a super easy baby and toddler and younger child. He slept through the night at 6 weeks. He was mellow, outgoing and sweet. He didn't have problems until he started first grade. He can't stay in his seat. He can't pay attention. He bugs the other kids. He is completely disorganized. I now spend a lot of time trying to get him to do everything: brush his teeth, take a shower, get dressed, do his homework, take out the recycling, clean up his room, whatever. Nothing gets done because he gets distracted too easily and forgets what he was doing. He has the working memory of a gnat. He is completely charming and sweet, but super challenging as an elementary student.

I couldn't say that 1 is easier than the other. It depends entirely on what age you are talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love the way everyone here is dismissing AS. As the parent and sibling of people with AS I can tell you that cute and quirky becomes something very different in adults. And the demands of holding a job are very difficult for many people with AS.

As for "labels", a correct diagnosis does far more than get your DC treatment, it gives your DC an understanding of himself and why he is the way he is. People with AS have elevated rates of depression and suicide for a reason. My DS has grown up knowing his diagnosis, and not being defined by it, he thinks he's no big deal. And when his AS causes challenges, he knows why. I know from my siblings experience, not having a diagnosis, how incredibly important that is.

Also keep in mind that elementary school is the golden age for kids with AS. The ones who seem to be doing so well can encounter great difficulties in high school and as they go off to college, if they go off to college.

I hope you are being tongue in cheek when you say you expect your DC to attend the same Ivy as his parents. I have a senior and can tell you how much pressure this creates for any kid.

Nope. Perfectly serious but then our developmental pediatrician had the same reaction. We also have AS in our family other than my DS who was diagnosed with AS. DH, his brother, their father, my mother and both my brothers all have AS characteristics and I'm pretty certain would be diagnosed with AS if the diagnosis existed when they were children. Their AS symptoms are much worse in every way than my DS's.

My brother-in-law is the college professor described earlier on this thread. Despite the AS, my DH, his brother and their father all attended the same Ivy and graduate schools, became gainfully employed and lead pretty normal lives. Of the three, grandpa has the worst symptoms and the AS seems to be pretty diluted when it comes to DS although enough to give him an AS diagnosis by everyone who has ever evaluated him including the aforementioned developmental pediatrician, neuropsychs, OT, SLPs, etc.

My mother and one of my brothers are highly gifted in math... were math prodigies. My mother is worse than my brother when it comes to AS symptoms. Everyone was an academic superstar without IEPs or supports.

So that's been my experience with AS: I don't think of AS as "quirky" (hate that term actually) - it's my "normal." So I choose to believe my son is perfectly capable of attending the same Ivy as his forbears with all the understanding, supports, and IEP since he hasn't shown me anything so far that shows that he won't be able to. Let a parent dream...

Everybody's AS experience is different. Sometimes its hard to accept for those whose AS experience is starkly more darker, more challenging... who have a hard time reaching "a normal life" with college, a job, and a family.

I'm glad your family with AS did so well.

But for those who have family members who didn't skate on by easily, I think they need to know that they are not alone and that for many people with AS, it doesn't come so easily and the endings aren't as ... the endings sometimes are not Ivy league and for those parents, i think they need to know, thats okay...

Anonymous wrote:Whatever label helps him the most, is the best. We rejected an ADHD label and got another opinion because our son fits aspergers better... And the services have allowed him to thrive.

There is no "worst"... There is only a best for your child.

No one, not even the most expert of experts, knows the "right" answer. The field of diagnosis for our kids is very uncertain. So focus on the results you want and what your kid needs to thrive.

Good luck

Well Said! +1

Anonymous wrote:Love the way everyone here is dismissing AS. As the parent and sibling of people with AS I can tell you that cute and quirky becomes something very different in adults. And the demands of holding a job are very difficult for many people with AS.

As for "labels", a correct diagnosis does far more than get your DC treatment, it gives your DC an understanding of himself and why he is the way he is. People with AS have elevated rates of depression and suicide for a reason. My DS has grown up knowing his diagnosis, and not being defined by it, he thinks he's no big deal. And when his AS causes challenges, he knows why. I know from my siblings experience, not having a diagnosis, how incredibly important that is.

Also keep in mind that elementary school is the golden age for kids with AS. The ones who seem to be doing so well can encounter great difficulties in high school and as they go off to college, if they go off to college.

I hope you are being tongue in cheek when you say you expect your DC to attend the same Ivy as his parents. I have a senior and can tell you how much pressure this creates for any kid.

Nope. Perfectly serious but then our developmental pediatrician had the same reaction. We also have AS in our family other than my DS who was diagnosed with AS. DH, his brother, their father, my mother and both my brothers all have AS characteristics and I'm pretty certain would be diagnosed with AS if the diagnosis existed when they were children. Their AS symptoms are much worse in every way than my DS's.

My brother-in-law is the college professor described earlier on this thread. Despite the AS, my DH, his brother and their father all attended the same Ivy and graduate schools, became gainfully employed and lead pretty normal lives. Of the three, grandpa has the worst symptoms and the AS seems to be pretty diluted when it comes to DS although enough to give him an AS diagnosis by everyone who has ever evaluated him including the aforementioned developmental pediatrician, neuropsychs, OT, SLPs, etc.

My mother and one of my brothers are highly gifted in math... were math prodigies. My mother is worse than my brother when it comes to AS symptoms. Everyone was an academic superstar without IEPs or supports.

So that's been my experience with AS: I don't think of AS as "quirky" (hate that term actually) - it's my "normal." So I choose to believe my son is perfectly capable of attending the same Ivy as his forbears with all the understanding, supports, and IEP since he hasn't shown me anything so far that shows that he won't be able to. Let a parent dream...

Love the way everyone here is dismissing AS. As the parent and sibling of people with AS I can tell you that cute and quirky becomes something very different in adults. And the demands of holding a job are very difficult for many people with AS.

As for "labels", a correct diagnosis does far more than get your DC treatment, it gives your DC an understanding of himself and why he is the way he is. People with AS have elevated rates of depression and suicide for a reason. My DS has grown up knowing his diagnosis, and not being defined by it, he thinks he's no big deal. And when his AS causes challenges, he knows why. I know from my siblings experience, not having a diagnosis, how incredibly important that is.

Also keep in mind that elementary school is the golden age for kids with AS. The ones who seem to be doing so well can encounter great difficulties in high school and as they go off to college, if they go off to college.

I hope you are being tongue in cheek when you say you expect your DC to attend the same Ivy as his parents. I have a senior and can tell you how much pressure this creates for any kid.

Anonymous wrote:I have an adult brother with pretty severe ADHD. It's what would've been called ADD in the 1980s -- no hyperactivity whatsover; but -severely- impaired ability to "attend" anything at all, such as a job! College! Paying rent on time! Picking up your girlfriend at the airport, etc etc etc. High IQ though.

I have a son with just the slightest hint of Aspergers. At age 9, the perseverations have all but gone away and just the social piece and rigidity remain. High IQ.

My personal vote, based on a data set of exactly two people, is that severe ADHD is a worse condition lifelong than barely-there ASD.

This is my sense as well.

Anonymous wrote:

+1. Really dozens? A correct diagnosis and appropriate IEP hurtful?!? That's hard to believe.

I'm the 1st poster quoted and I will add that since my son's diagnosis of AS and an IEP, most of the feedback I get from his teachers is all along the lines of: "He's doing great" and how smart DS is. A complete change from when we did not have a diagnosis and wondering whether he could stay at a mainstream school.

No, it's very easy to believe. A lot of people out there in the big wide world stigmatize labels. Are they necessary for services? Often, particularly so for reimbursement, but that doesn't mean everyone puts on the mantel with pride, joy, or nary a thought to the consequences.