I am another one that forgoes fancy vacations and fancy cars to make the payment of full tuition work. Have frequently heard the comment "don't the FA staff check the parking lot?" I am sad to say that I agree with this statement. Unfortunately, a handful of families that appear to game the system seem to hurt the families that truly need it. We make a small contribution to the AF because we want to be viewed as team players and go to the auction because we feel it provides an opportunity to meet other families.

Our school's auction was last weekend; they had the usual "raise your paddle for FA" charade. During the Head of School's pep talk about "the need for FA being so great," people at our table were visibly smirking. (Myself included.)

Honestly, I don't see how anyone can stand up there with a straight face and beg for money for this purpose, when there is clearly NO ONE in the school who is from truly dire circumstances that would make anyone feel that supporting FA is worthwhile. Yes, there are definitely have-nots, as compared to the over the top haves, but even those from modest means in our school could never be termed truly "needy." Maybe they have a hard time swinging the tuition for a couple of kids -- hell, we have a hard time swinging the tuition for our two -- but if they have to look to others to subsidize them, then maybe they simply shouldn't be there.

+1000 - you are supposed to disclose all sources of income but clearly people game the system. The people that we know are not adding economic or cultural diversity. I hate giving because of the families gaming the system.

Anonymous wrote:We have been part of our DCs school community for four years, and have given generously to annual fund, capital projects, and FA. I can honestly say that some families receiving FA make it challenging for others to feel good about contributing to FA. Some of these families are in our circle, so we are privy to quite a bit of information. They (not grandparents, godparents, family friends, frequent flyer programs, etc) are paying for expensive sleep-away camps, several full family resort-based vacations to the islands or ski lodges or Martha's Vineyard during the breaks, Justin Bieber concert tickets, Washington Ballet lessons at $2K/year...the list goes on and on. No, I don't expect FA families to be downtrodden or live as paupers. But these types of things, by anyone's definition, are luxuries and are things that we cannot or don't afford to partake in ourselves. Yes, that's our choice and we could give a lot less and partake in a lot more. I don't enjoy having these things flaunted ostentatiously in the same breath that you're telling me how much FA you received this year. I know that there are formulas that schools follow to distribute FA, but these formulas do not always work as they were intended. Abuses exist, and it's ugly to see.

We know many financially able families who will give to the endowment or capital projects, but who give little or nothing to annual giving or the scholarship auction or FA. Unfortunately, a few FA recipients gaming the system impact those who really need the help.

Anonymous wrote:No.

There is a gap between what you pay and the actual cost of educating your child. Being part of a private school community is giving, even a token amount.

Well said school administrator! As long as parents keep paying why not increase it. It is like the government we won't make tough choices until we are forced.

Anonymous wrote:We have been part of our DCs school community for four years, and have given generously to annual fund, capital projects, and FA. I can honestly say that some families receiving FA make it challenging for others to feel good about contributing to FA. Some of these families are in our circle, so we are privy to quite a bit of information. They (not grandparents, godparents, family friends, frequent flyer programs, etc) are paying for expensive sleep-away camps, several full family resort-based vacations to the islands or ski lodges or Martha's Vineyard during the breaks, Justin Bieber concert tickets, Washington Ballet lessons at $2K/year...the list goes on and on. No, I don't expect FA families to be downtrodden or live as paupers. But these types of things, by anyone's definition, are luxuries and are things that we cannot or don't afford to partake in ourselves. Yes, that's our choice and we could give a lot less and partake in a lot more. I don't enjoy having these things flaunted ostentatiously in the same breath that you're telling me how much FA you received this year. I know that there are formulas that schools follow to distribute FA, but these formulas do not always work as they were intended. Abuses exist, and it's ugly to see.

We know many financially able families who will give to the endowment or capital projects, but who give little or nothing to annual giving or the scholarship auction or FA. Unfortunately, a few FA recipients gaming the system impact those who really need the help.

So how do these people qualify for FA?

I wonder if the bubble is going to pop one day.

School tuition at our school has been raised by at least 4.25% a year, not counting Annual Fund, Construction Assessment (compulsory), Galas and other fundraising efforts.
Each kid has to pay at least $3,000 extra dollars a year to fund FA (13% of the student body). However, there is not enough diversity. An important part of the money goes to pay for staff kids and families that know how to game the system.

There is also a lot of waste on administrative issues. The Advancement Office has at least three people working there: the money they collect probably does not even cover their salaries. In addition, in recent years, many administrative employees have gotten assistants.

Unfortunately, the school does not seem to care. At the end of the day they have four or five kids waiting to take the place of those wanting to leave.

10:41 here. I don't know how our school calculates need or how people are able to game the system. And yes, it's hard to bite my tongue. I do know that we are not alone in our perspective. We haven't as of yet, but people let their money do the talking in terms of where they choose to contribute their dollars at the school.

Save the money for retirement, go public and hire tutors, and get rid of the prestiged bumper sticker. Enroll kid in all sorts of after school activities where they will grow and be amongst kids if your choice.

Anonymous wrote:We have been part of our DCs school community for four years, and have given generously to annual fund, capital projects, and FA. I can honestly say that some families receiving FA make it challenging for others to feel good about contributing to FA. Some of these families are in our circle, so we are privy to quite a bit of information. They (not grandparents, godparents, family friends, frequent flyer programs, etc) are paying for expensive sleep-away camps, several full family resort-based vacations to the islands or ski lodges or Martha's Vineyard during the breaks, Justin Bieber concert tickets, Washington Ballet lessons at $2K/year...the list goes on and on. No, I don't expect FA families to be downtrodden or live as paupers. But these types of things, by anyone's definition, are luxuries and are things that we cannot or don't afford to partake in ourselves. Yes, that's our choice and we could give a lot less and partake in a lot more. I don't enjoy having these things flaunted ostentatiously in the same breath that you're telling me how much FA you received this year. I know that there are formulas that schools follow to distribute FA, but these formulas do not always work as they were intended. Abuses exist, and it's ugly to see.

We know many financially able families who will give to the endowment or capital projects, but who give little or nothing to annual giving or the scholarship auction or FA. Unfortunately, a few FA recipients gaming the system impact those who really need the help.

Not doubting you, but curious about how this happens? Do people just lie about income and assets? How does the school not find out? Do you know how your school calculates need?

I would find this infuriating and would not be able to keep my mouth shut if someone who talked about getting FA was also talking about expensive vacations, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the fundraising is to go towards financial aid for students who could otherwise afford to go to that school. I think if you can afford to pay $40k out of pocket, you can certainly afford to contribute to the FA fund.

But get this (not the OP here, BTW): We don't WANT to contribute to the FA fund.

For the life of me, I will never understand why regular middle class families like ours and OPs, who are already doing a lot by sending our kids to these schools and contributing nominally to the auction, annual fund, etc etc etc, are expected to subsidize OTHER MIDDLE CLASS KIDS (read: NOT low-income or otherwise truly "diverse" kids) simply because some parents are strapped because of their own student loans, or they chose to take (or could only find) jobs that do not pay top dollar.

So there.

PP, I agree with you and think your comments are refreshing. Why in the world should a family that is working hard, foregoing luxuries, making sacrifices and making big-time life choices (smaller house, older car, no vacations, etc.) be expected to pay MORE so that another family who is also middle class can get a tuition break. Yes, I understand scholarships for the very disadvantaged or under-represented minorities, but for another middle class family: no. We all make a lot of tough choices in order to make these schools happen.

After a few years of constant fundraising pressure and the school culture that everyone "should" contribute something, I've had it. I "shouldn't" do anything. I already scrape and save and forego just to afford this tuition and, yes, it increases every year. What I "should" be doing is fully funding my retirement account (which we can't do) or go on a great vacation (no way, not in the budget). As it stands, most of our money goes to tuition and expenses.

I think the schools should have some decency when it comes to fundraising. Perhaps hit up the "generational-wealth" families or the very wealthy and tell those families what they "should" contribute. My family feels the pain of tuition all the time (in ways that the wealthy families simply do not). Somehow I don't feel if is my responsibility to fund a financial aid fund - that seems to be the responsibility of the truly wealthy families at the school (and, trust me, there are plenty).

The fundraising pressure never seems to end. I look at the well-into-six-figures we have spent in just a few years at an elementary school and wonder if it is worth it. The constant fundraising makes me question that even more.

We have been part of our DCs school community for four years, and have given generously to annual fund, capital projects, and FA. I can honestly say that some families receiving FA make it challenging for others to feel good about contributing to FA. Some of these families are in our circle, so we are privy to quite a bit of information. They (not grandparents, godparents, family friends, frequent flyer programs, etc) are paying for expensive sleep-away camps, several full family resort-based vacations to the islands or ski lodges or Martha's Vineyard during the breaks, Justin Bieber concert tickets, Washington Ballet lessons at $2K/year...the list goes on and on. No, I don't expect FA families to be downtrodden or live as paupers. But these types of things, by anyone's definition, are luxuries and are things that we cannot or don't afford to partake in ourselves. Yes, that's our choice and we could give a lot less and partake in a lot more. I don't enjoy having these things flaunted ostentatiously in the same breath that you're telling me how much FA you received this year. I know that there are formulas that schools follow to distribute FA, but these formulas do not always work as they were intended. Abuses exist, and it's ugly to see.

We know many financially able families who will give to the endowment or capital projects, but who give little or nothing to annual giving or the scholarship auction or FA. Unfortunately, a few FA recipients gaming the system impact those who really need the help.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the fundraising is to go towards financial aid for students who could otherwise afford to go to that school. I think if you can afford to pay $40k out of pocket, you can certainly afford to contribute to the FA fund.

President Obama, is that you? Sounds like his tax strategy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the fundraising is to go towards financial aid for students who could otherwise afford to go to that school. I think if you can afford to pay $40k out of pocket, you can certainly afford to contribute to the FA fund.

But get this (not the OP here, BTW): We don't WANT to contribute to the FA fund.

For the life of me, I will never understand why regular middle class families like ours and OPs, who are already doing a lot by sending our kids to these schools and contributing nominally to the auction, annual fund, etc etc etc, are expected to subsidize OTHER MIDDLE CLASS KIDS (read: NOT low-income or otherwise truly "diverse" kids) simply because some parents are strapped because of their own student loans, or they chose to take (or could only find) jobs that do not pay top dollar.

So there.

I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way. No need to subsidize middle class families at the expense of other full pay families (most of which are probably upper middle class). We contributed a lot to annual fund and other events but we are not going to contribute to FA fund this year (don't plan on going to the scholarship auction either).

I was a scholarship kid at a catholic private 15 years ago (not here). My mom got a job to pay the $2500 tuition (in addition to all 4 kids expenses) since my dad made only 40k. There were expensive independent privates but they were in the 10-15k/ year.

We never volunteered cash during the fund drive but we alway contributed in some other way (volunteering to supervise/drive during one of the after school volunteer things, donating a nice thing that we got on cost at work to the auction, etc).

I cannot imagine the private school game and costs today. Insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the fundraising is to go towards financial aid for students who could otherwise afford to go to that school. I think if you can afford to pay $40k out of pocket, you can certainly afford to contribute to the FA fund.

But get this (not the OP here, BTW): We don't WANT to contribute to the FA fund.

For the life of me, I will never understand why regular middle class families like ours and OPs, who are already doing a lot by sending our kids to these schools and contributing nominally to the auction, annual fund, etc etc etc, are expected to subsidize OTHER MIDDLE CLASS KIDS (read: NOT low-income or otherwise truly "diverse" kids) simply because some parents are strapped because of their own student loans, or they chose to take (or could only find) jobs that do not pay top dollar.

So there.

+1