Anonymous wrote:This is such a selfish disease, it's really sad that you can't see beyond the disease OP, please access help immediately. Do you have a DH? Is he worried about your child?

It's just me. Others have expressed concern but the baby is so big and healthy it is clear she is doing well.

This is such a selfish disease, it's really sad that you can't see beyond the disease OP, please access help immediately. Do you have a DH? Is he worried about your child?

OP, I'm right there with you and am so proud of you for getting help. FWIW, I breastfeed my child and am secretly pleased to be nearing in on 100 pounds at 5'4", which I know is unhealthy. I'm also eating 2200 calories a day, though, and am struggling with the prospect of gaining the weight back when I wean. Just know that you aren't alone...

Glad to hear you made it through the night OP. Make the calls now.
Best to you.

Terry Schiavo died from anorexia--she had a heart attack after living on mostly ice tea and screwing up her electrolytes. Then she was a vegetable for years.

OP here. I had a terrible night last night, fearing I was going to die in my sleep. I have been feeling increasingly dizzy/foggy/nauseous/just plain unwell over the past couple weeks, and last night was the worst it has been. I started having some strange muscle twitches and t occurred to me that this type of diet along with being the sole source of nutrition for another person could potentially leave me very deficient in some things like electrolytes, which really can cause sudden death. I really do want to be there for my daughter. I had no idea things were this bad. I will definitely be making some calls today.

OP, I also have eating disorders. I've had the opposite experience as you. I wish I'd gotten pregnant and had my baby when I was 15 and this started. I went to a therapist for a couple of years, and we made a list of all my issues. The only one that could kill me was the ED, but she explained that treating the other issues that encouraged me to have the ED first would be best. We did that, and THEN treated what was left of the ED.

Looking at my DD and forcing myself to eat the way I hope she'll eat helps me a lot. Also, each time I nurse or pump, I eat or drink. Even if I'm drinking water, I'll put a slice of cucumber or strawberry in it, and then that will make it easy for me to eat a salad with cucumbers in it, or some fruit. Usually around mid-afternoon when I'm ready for a snack I'll review everything I've eaten so far throughout the day and see where I'm lacking in an effort to incorporate those foods into my afternoon snack and dinner.

OP, you sound very brave. Please take it from us that we can hear how off your thinking is - you keep talking about weight-loss and loss from breastfeeding. You are eating 500 calories a day. You are starving yourself. That is why you are losing weight, and the very fact that you don't acknowledge that should be a wake-up call.

I am taking you at your good word that you will reach out for help tomorrow. Life is very short, and you need to be there (not just alive, but HEALTHY physically and mentally) for yourself and your daughter. Good luck to you.

Anonymous wrote:This has really been a wake-up call. Thinking about possibly not being there for my daughter is making me feel physically ill, and I realize I can not let that happen. I will call my doctor tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who has responded.

Please do, OP. I've been there and I know how disordered and cloudy your thinking is. Take care of yourself. There is so much more to live for now.

Anonymous wrote:You guys are scaring me. Dying from this isn't really something that was on my mind when I wrote this post. Of course now I am scared I will gain back all the weight when I stop breastfeeding.

I have gotten many comments lately and I know people are concerned. I usually laugh it off saying my baby is so big the weight falls off just from carrying her around. Whether they buy it is another question.

To the PP who said it doesn't sound like I have any interest in recovering - I don't think wondering if others had experienced similarly extreme weight loss while breastfeeding means I don't want to be healthy.

PP here. To me it sounds like a drunk person asking about AA meetings. Being curious and doing the work are vastly different things. What helped me get better was building up the rest of my life until the eating disorder played only a tiny minor role. The more energy you put into starving, the less present you are for everything else. Right now you are not really there for your loved ones, your work, for anything else. If you let it grow it will take everything you have. On some level you know this OP.

This has really been a wake-up call. Thinking about possibly not being there for my daughter is making me feel physically ill, and I realize I can not let that happen. I will call my doctor tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who has responded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please get professional help right away. You are undoubtedly doing irreparable damage to your body. I'm not one for scare tactics, but a friend of mine worked with a woman who suffered from anorexia and she died of a heart attack a few months after her baby was born. It's one of those things you think can't happen to you, but anorexia is incredibly serious. Your child needs you. Do it for her.

Heart attack? How much did she weigh?

It doesn't matter. Starvation, malnutrition, and dehydration are huge strains on the heart. OP, please take care of yourself and get some professional help with this, so that you are there for your child in the long-run.

As are pregnancy and childbirth.

Mother: mother yourself.

Are you insane? This thread is not discussing the dangers of pregnancy and childbirth, it is in response to a woman who is eating 500 calories per day. And breastfeeding. She needs help, and I hope she finds it.

OP, you are not losing because you are breastfeeding, you are losing because you eat 500 calories a day.

You are not going to be emaciated in the future because of this ... you are already emaciated. You weigh less than 100 pounds.

You need serious help, now. No, you do not "want to be healthy" if you, who have plenty of experience with anorexia, permit yourself to only eat 500 calories a day. You know better.

OP- when I hear someone who is eating as little as you do say "I am not hungry" or "I have no appetite", I think- anorexia. classic response, delusion, etc. You are anorexic! this is what you are doing!! You will get help when you are ready or when you end up in the hospital because you have collapsed. lets hope you get ready for help before then.

Anonymous wrote:You guys are scaring me. Dying from this isn't really something that was on my mind when I wrote this post. Of course now I am scared I will gain back all the weight when I stop breastfeeding.

I have gotten many comments lately and I know people are concerned. I usually laugh it off saying my baby is so big the weight falls off just from carrying her around. Whether they buy it is another question.

To the PP who said it doesn't sound like I have any interest in recovering - I don't think wondering if others had experienced similarly extreme weight loss while breastfeeding means I don't want to be healthy.

But people don't experience extreme weight loss while breastfeeding. unless there is a health concern. That's the problem with what you wrote. You sound like you like the weight loss and are really concerned about gaining the weight back. The breast feeding seems like it is a new form of calorie reduction that feeds your anorexia.
You should be concerned about leaving your child motherless. Please please please get help.