Anonymous wrote:It's not easy to reverse. You have to either go through the admissions process again or put your child in a public school that may be far less than ideal. You have to pull your child out of a place s/he's gotten to know and away from his/her friends. You have to deal with the fact that you just spent $30K per year on something you feel wasn't worth the price.

I'm guessing that those of you calling OP crazy or telling her to relax haven't been though the admissions process recently.

I'm going through the admissions process right now. Yes, I love my children, and want what's best for them, and while I find myself somewhat anxious (I'm in this forum, right) I can't help but find myself saying "chill out." Believe me, your stress is a disservice to your dc, even if he/she gets into a Top 3. He or she will need a parent with some common sense and perspective. Sorry, but that's the truth. And I say all of this, while I too, wait for the letters on Friday.

Anonymous wrote:You must have an only child.

Not necessarily. The anxiety is worst with admissions for the first-born, but it happens, too, with the second-born and so on down the line. Let OP and the rest of us agonize all we want -- we only do this once, or twice, or. . . . and if it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right.

<<Unless you have a child with special needs, and I don't get the sense that OP is in that situation, it matters far less than the competitive parents on these boards make it seem. >>

I do have a child with SN, and i can say it does matter very much. I'm not obsessing bc there will be an option for my child, but I very much want him to find a school that can help him thrive rather than fail.

Anonymous wrote:It's not easy to reverse. You have to either go through the admissions process again or put your child in a public school that may be far less than ideal. You have to pull your child out of a place s/he's gotten to know and away from his/her friends. You have to deal with the fact that you just spent $30K per year on something you feel wasn't worth the price.

I'm guessing that those of you calling OP crazy or telling her to relax haven't been though the admissions process recently.

I think that's the point. Parents of older kids have perspective - we realize that school is just one part of life, that many kids change schools, that a child's needs change over time. To be honest, I don't even remember how/when/where I found out about each DC's admissions decisions.

This year my DC1 is waiting to hear from colleges. Decisions don't come out for another month. It's nervewracking, BUT college is just one part of life, many kids change schools, and DC's needs and interests may change over time.

NP:
I am nervous too! Obsessing, maybe not, but in my head it creeps in..... "when will the letters arrive??????" Its so not clear if its Friday or Saturday or even Monday....

You must have an only child.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am a little bonkers right now waiting to hear from schools. Don't tell me to chill out or calm down. I will do that next week. This week I am obsessed and anxious about my child's education. Just like accepting a job offer, buying a house, buying a car, selecting a neighborhood or community, this is a big decision that is possible, but not easy, to reverse. What's more, it will affect my child even more than it affects me. And I have the responsibility to choose for him, since he's not old enough to do it himself. That's a responsibility I take seriously. I am hanging out here, on this forum, so I don't drive my friends, family, and colleagues crazy too. Most of the people on this forum right now are going through the same thing, so I feel like I am in good company. Stop telling me to relax. It's just not a relaxing time, and this board provides a reasonably healthy outlet for all of the justifiable stress many of us feel at the moment.

OP, I could have written this 6 years ago. My DC made it to a Big 3. Off of the wait list I should add. To be honest, I think this can be so random. As far as I could tell, my DC was not any smarter than many who did not get in, nor were we any richer than many families that did not get in. I still don't know how the AD plucked us out of the crowd. But I thank god (and that AD) every single day. It changed my DC's path. I'm not saying that a public school path would not have worked. I"m sure that it would have been just fine. But private school was what we saw as the best education we could provide for our DC. Now, our lives revolve around the school. Yes, there will be flamers, but I, for one, love the fact that we spend so much time at the school for this or that, and even outside of school our social circle is focused on the other families at the school.

Good luck and take care.

I understand the stress and we are so happy everything worked out this school year and we do not have to go through it again. Yes, you can change schools, buy and sell homes and quit a bad job but parents worry about a school being a good fit for a child and for the family if both parents work. It will soon be decided and I really hope the school you choose is a good fit for your child and family. You should have a good feeling about how things worked out by next November.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should be stressed, OP. This decision will chart your kid's future. What if you choose wrong? What if your kid doesn't get in anywhere? You can't underestimate how important this is.

I agree. OP, this is your first make or break moment as a parent. You can gauge how well you are doing by how well the admissions process goes.

LOL!!!

Anonymous wrote:You should be stressed, OP. This decision will chart your kid's future. What if you choose wrong? What if your kid doesn't get in anywhere? You can't underestimate how important this is.

I agree. OP, this is your first make or break moment as a parent. You can gauge how well you are doing by how well the admissions process goes.

Anonymous wrote:
OP, I am not mocking you. I did the same. My planning currently extended to college selections and applications. Career planning from Nanotechnology Researcher to pediatrician to MBA. Enjoy the wait, and planning.

How old is this child you are planning to send to medical school?

I get that you do this for fun, but be careful. When you imagine too vivid a specific future for your child you set yourself up for real distress when things go differently. Ultimately, you can't control this anyway, so you shouldn't be planning. Its your child's plan to make.

OP, Distract yourself. Since you cannot take your mind away, distract yourself with more plannings. Write down ALL the possible outcomes, then make plans for each and single outcome, like a planning tree.

If the school accept DC: what electives to take? sport? school activities? music instrument? what instrument(s)? anyone know a good teacher? swim team? speed skating or ice skating? how to build an impressive resume? uniform with or without vest, shoes with laces or no laces? car pool or not? who to car pool with? can I drive? what time do I get up, make breakfast? do I need a new alarm clock?

If the school reject DC: where to turn to? plan A, plan B plan C . . .

If the school accept, but after x weeks DC cries and hates the school . . . plan A, plan B, plan C

So by the time you receive THE letter, you are kind of prepared. You may even find yourself need more time to plan.

OP, I am not mocking you. I did the same. My planning currently extended to college selections and applications. Career planning from Nanotechnology Researcher to pediatrician to MBA. Enjoy the wait, and planning.

OP -- many of us were in your shoes once. My kid didn't get into the "cream of the crop" Big 3 but is now at Top Ivy. You get many chances in life to try again. Don't sweat it so much. Your kid might feel like a failure if you project on him.

The problem, OP, is that those of us who have BTDT are familiar with that stress. What we are telling you is that it is counterproductive for you to stress about it. Not just because you cannot control the outcome, but because this is a first step. Your child and you might hate the school that you think is the best school ever. You might have to change schools at some point in the next 12 years. So investing yourself so heavily in this decision, and in this year, is a fool's errand. This is not snark - this is actually trying to help you reduce your anxiety right now - and in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not easy to reverse. You have to either go through the admissions process again or put your child in a public school that may be far less than ideal. You have to pull your child out of a place s/he's gotten to know and away from his/her friends. You have to deal with the fact that you just spent $30K per year on something you feel wasn't worth the price.

I'm guessing that those of you calling OP crazy or telling her to relax haven't been though the admissions process recently.

I'm PP and I've done it. I had a child at a "big 3" school that turned out to be a poor fit. I know there are plenty of families in that position that stick it out because of the prestige or whatever, and from what I can see that is a much, much tougher road than transferring to a school that is a better fit. My DC started thriving very quickly after the transfer. Mentally it may seem daunting but it truly isn't and if you are resistant to making necessary changes mid-stream because you've convinced yourself that its too difficult, or that once you make a decision you have to stick with it for some kind of ridiculous reason, you really do your child a disservice.

Unless you have a child with special needs, and I don't get the sense that OP is in that situation, it matters far less than the competitive parents on these boards make it seem. I never called OP crazy. I have been through the process recently. I agree that its stressful, but only as stressful as you allow it to be. OP is so freaked out that everyone around her -- colleagues, family, friends -- are telling her to chill. You don't get the sense she needs to chill?

+1.

I find that a lot of these parents look at this process as validation of their abilties as parents. They view this as the potential for personal rejection. Add to that may of them have been telling friends and such about applying to these schools - so pride and ego plays into it also.

Having had to transfer one of my kids out of a private because of a bad fit, I can tell you that once it is done and the kid is thriving, you never look back.

This is not a life or death decision because there are options if it is a bad fit.