the women on this website are all too happy to coach you to divorce. good luck -- sad part to me is it sounds like dh is a decent guy who understands he lost it -- has never hit you, and will never hit you. but by all means, divorce the guy.

OP, I am glad you're separating and getting counseling. I've BTDT with my ex, and it started just like what you wrote. Down to the part about trying to blame it on you and even suggest you're remembering it inaccurately or distorting the facts.

You wrote that you're separating to make him understand how serious this is, and "when you come back together" it would be with counseling, etc - - you sound just like I did in the early stage too. It isn't a "when" but an "if" you come back together. IF he does the counseling on his own and together with you, and AFTER he has changed and demonstrated such over time, that you'd consider recoupling with him.

Definitely get support through a domestic violence center. They know exactly how your mind is working as you move through this process, and how EASY it is to get sucked back in by a charmer, only it gets worse each time you allow him to do it and stay with him or take him back. In my case it took me 6+ years to get fed up and realize I deserved way better. That no man at all is better than an abusive one. It was hard and I hated myself for staying when I was too afraid to leave for all kinds of reasons.

Get help and good luck!

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

For the comment in reference to 'men wired to be violent'....i'm sorry, but that is pure nonsense. Us humans have a thing call free will, the right to choose. Men are not robots. Any person has the choice to react a certain way, but that is never an excuse to be violent towards another person. If you sir are 'wired' to give way to violent tendencies, then I suggest you get rewired! My reason for posting was not to look for an excuse for his actions, I feel they were inappropriate, but to see if red flags really should be going off in my mind. I don't want to mistakenly sweep something under the rug when warning signs are there. But at the same time, I don't want to jump to unnecessary conclusions. Thank you all for your encouraging posts.

Good for you OP! If you can be this articulate here then I am encouraged that you have the strength necessary to protect yourself and your daughter regardless of what does or doesn't transpire with your husband.

Good luck!!!

And what is he 5 years old? if OP didn't feel like discussing the issue anymore, then it's her perrogative to walk away, not for him to "make" her continue talking about it by shoving her back into the room. Who the fuck acts t that way?