OP, I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I want to commend you first of all for all the work you have done. This stuff is really hard and you have achieved a lot getting him to eat what he does. You have obviously done a lot of things right.

Eating well has always been a priority to me, too, and if I wrote out what my 7-year-old will eat, I am sure you'd say that it is balanced, diverse, and relatively long by "kid standards." I am grateful for that but I am still frustrated by it because my son is unbelievably rigid. Everything has to be completely simple (no sauce, unmixed, not even touching). That rules out any casserole, pasta dish, etc. Many smells and textures make him gag, truly gag, eyes watering and everything. Sometimes seeing an unwanted food on his plate ruins his appetite. He doesn't even make a fuss anymore--thankfully we have moved beyond that--but it is like the horror of the offending food incapacitates him. He hasn't tried anything new since he was two probably. When he lets go of a food--and he only ever lets go since he will never try anything new--and I realize the list is ever shrinking, I get very frustrated (though I don't show it of course, meals are pleasant, no pressure and so on!). But aren't they supposed to get better about food as they get older, not worse?!

Obviously this is a struggle for us, too, so I have no answers. I can tell you a few things that have helped me, though. I wonder if your child is inflexible and intense or controlling about other things as well? Mine is and he also has a lot of anxiety. When he is generally feeling well and happy, he is at his most open to food. When he is struggling emotionally, he seems much more sensitive and irritable and needs to exert control over his environment, including food. In some ways I can gauge how he feels by the dinner experience and it is a sign to me to back off and not push--it just doesn't help in any way. In fact, it really makes him dig in his heels. If I lay off, he comes around once he feels better.

The other thing that has helped me is to separate the nutrition part of food from the parent's task of educating the child. My son takes a few different supplements including one of those "super food" type powders you can blend into shakes or chocolate milk. I also never waste calories--I make all cookies and muffins in the house with "sneaky chef" type recipes so any dessert he ever has (usually for lunch at school) also has beans or spinach or something he doesn't typically eat. This way I am pretty comfortable that he is getting enough nutrients and I don't have to deal with that stress hanging over me. Also I am less tempted to cater to his whims just to get him to eat something. I make dinner and if he eats it I am thrilled, if he eats part that is fine, if he eats nothing, I can let it go.

Last, we do not do any snacks during the day which generally makes my kids pretty hungry for dinner, but I do give my seven-year-old a decent snack a few hours after dinner. For us snack is usually a couple different fruits, a yogurt, and maybe nuts (almonds, cashews) or something like sunflower seeds. He eats the same snack regardless of whether or not he has had dinner. I think he does better with four meals to tell you the truth.

I don't know if this helps and I still struggle with it but I can tell you that my son is very healthy so I am happy about that.

I was a picky water as a very young kid. I hated to eat and hated even more being forced to eat. It was a constant battle. I hated everything associated with dinner time. When I was in 1st grade, my pediatrician told me he'd have to hospitalize me and tube feed me if I wouldn't eat.

My dad, exasperated, once pointed to the entire kitchen and asked what I would eat, anything in the whole world I could have. I didn't ask for candy; I pointed to a package of hamburger buns. "a hamburger?" he asked. No, just the bun. So he let me eat a plain bun in peace. It was great. It was all I wanted. It was safe. And it was a huge relief to not be yelled at over it.

Gradually, I increased my palette, but anytime it became a huge issue if regress to only wanting to eat flattened buns. They were safe. Everything else was riddled with anxiety-producing stuff.

Battling with control over kids about food only hurts the kid and makes the food relationship worse. I have tried more foods in the last 5 years than I did my first 35, mostly because I am safe to eat or decline whatever I want now.

I never liked tomato sauce as a child and asked my mom if I could have my pasta removed before she added the sauce. She was of Italian descent BTW so we had pasta 3x a week, but this was never a problem. I just didn't like the taste of pasta sauce.

I also didn't like casseroles. When she browned the meat before adding it to the cream of whatever sauce, I asked if she could just set aside a small amount for me to eat. She did this for me, and I love her for it! When I think back -- she was a WOHM with a household of 8 (plus 4 animals) but she never seemed to mind putting aside some food before mixing it all together just for one kid.

OP, I'd be thrilled if I had a kid who liked raw spinach. I'd serve that every night.

Anonymous wrote:DS is a very picky eater. He eats a ton of breakfast, some lunch and virtually no dinner. His lunch choices are peanut butter on wheat or roast beef (we got that into a sandwich recently, but used to be just meat in a bag. Fat must be trimmed off.) At home he'll eat grilled cheddar on wheat.

Dinner has become a tremendous problem. Tonight he had a fit about beans and rice, which he happily ate about 10 days ago. He sits at the table and just wails and whines about what is served. This is not allowed, so he goes to timeout. He is required to take one bite of a meal. There is no food served after dinner. He does not eat sauce, hates chicken outside of chicken fingers, refuses all condiments and seasonings beyond salt and pepper. We do not eat dessert during the week (I will occasionally serve fruit with the meal.) Things he eats at dinner are steak & mashed potatoes, lamb chops, spaghetti & meatballs without sauce. In the recent past (last 1-2 years), he happily ate salmon, tilapia, roast chicken legs and when he was a bit younger he ate everything (risotto, ziti/lasagna, lentil casserole, come to mind but it's been a while). He eats some vegetables like broccoli, corn, peas and raw spinach leaves. Absolutely no tomatoes.

We have two younger children who are better eaters, but his issues are rubbing off on them. I am going nuts. I cannot cook to everyone's preferences and I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm cooking around him and shortchanging everyone else, but if he's not going to eat it anyway, why should I? Last week I got so sick of everyone's issues that I cancelled their Friday chicken finger night and fed them the eggplant pasta dish that DH and I had planned. Do I plan each and every meal? Right now the kids get their pick of easy breakfasts. DS eats a TON of breakfast -- 3 eggs and several pieces of bread (no toast, no butter), or 4 huge bowls of cereal. Do I limit that? Do I pack the lunches he likes or just give him whatever is on the menu that day? And then there's dinner.... HELP! Oh, he's thin, but he has always been that way and comes by it naturally. I am not concerned with putting meat on his bones, just powering his body and brain to function and grow.

Am I the only one who doesn't really see a problem with this child's menu? Perhaps his repertoire of foods is narrow, but it contains the essential nutrients he needs to grow. He eats fruits, he eats vegetables, he eats meats, cheese and whole grain.
He eats raw spinach, my goodness! I agree that wailing and whining at the table isn't acceptable, but it does sound like he will eat a nutritional meal. I would just try to remove the power struggle - if he complains, he can leave the table - I agree with PP that you're handling it well. I would try to at least have a side dish that you know he will eat, and offer some multigrain or whole wheat bread, apple slices or multigrain crackers and cheese. That way if he refuses the meal, he at least goes to bed with something nourishing in his stomach. Don't plan all meals around him, but maybe once or twice a week. He's only 7 and his palate will change over time. If he enjoyed rice and beans one day and complained the next time you served it, then that's behavioral, not true pickiness - he can eat the side dishes and leaves the table if he continues to complain. He'll eventually outgrow this. Just keep a poker face and hold your ground, which removes the power struggle.

This would be unbearable for me, I would just send myself to my room.

I agree that he is having a great and healthy breakfast, with protein, carbs, and fiber. And that he does have a palate for eating healthy vegetables.

Can you not just have a serious chat with him about his performance at the table and the negative effect it is having, and ask him what you can both do about having a good time at meal times. Meet in the middle somewhere?

Anonymous wrote:We had picky eaters, although not to the extent of OP. Something that helped us was each child was able to pick three foods they absolutely would not eat, and I would fix meals around those foods.

For example, DD refuses to eat cheese. So, if I made Mac and Cheese, I would leave a portion of plain noodles out for her. If we ordered pizza, she could choose something else instead.

It gave the kids some control/choice over what they ate and really reduced the mealtime tension.

No, no, no. Do not do this.

This was done for me when I was a child. I was a terribly-annoying picky eater until I married my husband, who eats anything and enjoys good food. I learned to taste things, enjoy new things, and on occasion pick out the few things I still don't care for if they can be picked out (but never in a way that would offend a host).

We are raising our kids this way: "Here's what's for dinner. If you're hungry, you'll eat it." As a result, they are "the grandchildren / guests / etc who are a pleasure to feed."

You are doing your kids a disservice by catering to them. If you make a dish with, say, beans or tomatoes or something else that can be picked out if they dislike it, fine, you may wish to allow that. But your altering a meal doing them in in the long run. (You as well.)

Anonymous wrote:Three of my kids love spice and are great eaters. One is a terrible eater. We don't make a fuss. This is dinner, eat it or don't. No complaining of whining at the table about food - you can do that in your room. We don't talk about his eating at all. For a full year he didn't eat dinner at all - not once. Obviously this was more about control for him than food as there are foods he likes but he wouldn't eat them at dinner. Like your son he ate massive breakfasts as he was starving by morning. He ate well at lunch too (he gets the same thing pretty much every day as I do a little more individualizing for lunches) so I didn't care about dinner. He was getting enough nutrition.

He finally started eating a few things he likes at dinner. Now it is hit and miss. Some days he eats great, some days he eats one plain thing and some days he still won't touch dinner. He knows he is not to draw attention to himself for what he eats or doesn't eat. We completely ignore his food intake at the dinner table and talk about the day, life, world events etc...

If we are at someone elses home he knows he has to eat 'something' and not fuss about it.

He is healthy and happy - someday he will eat dinner!

I love you. Well-handled!

Three of my kids love spice and are great eaters. One is a terrible eater. We don't make a fuss. This is dinner, eat it or don't. No complaining of whining at the table about food - you can do that in your room. We don't talk about his eating at all. For a full year he didn't eat dinner at all - not once. Obviously this was more about control for him than food as there are foods he likes but he wouldn't eat them at dinner. Like your son he ate massive breakfasts as he was starving by morning. He ate well at lunch too (he gets the same thing pretty much every day as I do a little more individualizing for lunches) so I didn't care about dinner. He was getting enough nutrition.

He finally started eating a few things he likes at dinner. Now it is hit and miss. Some days he eats great, some days he eats one plain thing and some days he still won't touch dinner. He knows he is not to draw attention to himself for what he eats or doesn't eat. We completely ignore his food intake at the dinner table and talk about the day, life, world events etc...

If we are at someone elses home he knows he has to eat 'something' and not fuss about it.

He is healthy and happy - someday he will eat dinner!

Your's would have to fight with mine's twin brother for the shrimp And to make things strange, he doesn't like shrimp but will go to town on clams too. They are 7 as well. I grew up in the south so much of what I cook is full of vegatables and spices. They both love my beans and rice with andouille sausage and five types of pepper (hot enough to clear your sinuses. They both also have a appreciation for tabasco.

Anonymous wrote:

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:07 again... and definitely, no short order cooking at dinner! ALL of the kids eat what you and DH eat (hopefully, "real" food, as opposed to kiddie food) every night. If they are not hungry, they don't have to eat a lot, but one bite of each item. Then NOTHING MORE until breakfast, which is at a generally set time (7:00 a.m.?) every day, even weekends.

Tighten up the ship, mom!

Do you have kids? Seriously, there's no way my kids have the pallet to eat the types of spices and flavors that DH and I have. I don't expect my kids to eat enchiladas or salmon. I give them cheese quesadillas and fish sticks. Your advice is not a great idea for a kid that has shown his determination not to eat certain foods. And then you want to take away the only meal he likes?

I'm thinking you haven't actually been through this except in the books. Don't you know: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!

Why do you think your kids will not like the enchiladas or salmon? You give them the same thing you eat, at most taking out something like jalapenos from an enchilada. One of mine doesn't eat shrimp so when I make something like scampi he gets the same pasta and the same sauce minus the shrimp. Cooking seperate meals encourages and rewards the picky eater. Besides like mom used to say, "How do you know you don't like it if you never even tried it."

Agreed, Smiley guy..and I have one of the pickiest eaters ever. However, on a lark we'd give him certain things and Mr.Blan Chicken nugget would surprise the h*ll out of us buy eating the very spicy pumpkin seeds at WFs or the Montezuma's spicy-ass Chips. I then realized maybe things are too bland for him! My oldest (7 years old) also loves spicy mussels. There is a tendency these days to serve everything bland and un-sauced and I definitely fell into that trap with my two young boys. I cook with a ton of garlic and spice and wouldn't give it to my kids---I recently realized my dad used to feed it to me and I loved it as a kid. I also try to find ways to give them what they want while not cooking a new meal. My youngest does not like sauce or spice in ground beef tacos--so when I am browning the meat I put aside a portion of plain beef for him (btw--it took my 3.5 years to get that one to even eat a red meat--or anything besides chicken).

btw- my 7-year old would totally take the shrimp your kid doesn't eat. he almost threw the kid menu at the waitress at the beach this summer with its pb&j and mac-n-cheese....only mussels and clams for that kid!

ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:07 again... and definitely, no short order cooking at dinner! ALL of the kids eat what you and DH eat (hopefully, "real" food, as opposed to kiddie food) every night. If they are not hungry, they don't have to eat a lot, but one bite of each item. Then NOTHING MORE until breakfast, which is at a generally set time (7:00 a.m.?) every day, even weekends.

Tighten up the ship, mom!

Do you have kids? Seriously, there's no way my kids have the pallet to eat the types of spices and flavors that DH and I have. I don't expect my kids to eat enchiladas or salmon. I give them cheese quesadillas and fish sticks. Your advice is not a great idea for a kid that has shown his determination not to eat certain foods. And then you want to take away the only meal he likes?

I'm thinking you haven't actually been through this except in the books. Don't you know: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!

Why do you think your kids will not like the enchiladas or salmon? You give them the same thing you eat, at most taking out something like jalapenos from an enchilada. One of mine doesn't eat shrimp so when I make something like scampi he gets the same pasta and the same sauce minus the shrimp. Cooking seperate meals encourages and rewards the picky eater. Besides like mom used to say, "How do you know you don't like it if you never even tried it."

Agreed, Smiley guy..and I have one of the pickiest eaters ever. However, on a lark we'd give him certain things and Mr.Blan Chicken nugget would surprise the h*ll out of us buy eating the very spicy pumpkin seeds at WFs or the Montezuma's spicy-ass Chips. I then realized maybe things are too bland for him! My oldest (7 years old) also loves spicy mussels. There is a tendency these days to serve everything bland and un-sauced and I definitely fell into that trap with my two young boys. I cook with a ton of garlic and spice and wouldn't give it to my kids---I recently realized my dad used to feed it to me and I loved it as a kid. I also try to find ways to give them what they want while not cooking a new meal. My youngest does not like sauce or spice in ground beef tacos--so when I am browning the meat I put aside a portion of plain beef for him (btw--it took my 3.5 years to get that one to even eat a red meat--or anything besides chicken).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:07 again... and definitely, no short order cooking at dinner! ALL of the kids eat what you and DH eat (hopefully, "real" food, as opposed to kiddie food) every night. If they are not hungry, they don't have to eat a lot, but one bite of each item. Then NOTHING MORE until breakfast, which is at a generally set time (7:00 a.m.?) every day, even weekends.

Tighten up the ship, mom!

Do you have kids? Seriously, there's no way my kids have the pallet to eat the types of spices and flavors that DH and I have. I don't expect my kids to eat enchiladas or salmon. I give them cheese quesadillas and fish sticks. Your advice is not a great idea for a kid that has shown his determination not to eat certain foods. And then you want to take away the only meal he likes?

I'm thinking you haven't actually been through this except in the books. Don't you know: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!

Why do you think your kids will not like the enchiladas or salmon? You give them the same thing you eat, at most taking out something like jalapenos from an enchilada. One of mine doesn't eat shrimp so when I make something like scampi he gets the same pasta and the same sauce minus the shrimp. Cooking seperate meals encourages and rewards the picky eater. Besides like mom used to say, "How do you know you don't like it if you never even tried it."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is eating a shit-ton of breakfast. Explain to him that he will begin to eat a normal portion in the a.m. of favored foods.

Registered Dietitian here, and I agree that this is the root of your problem. We all train ourselves to eat/ be hungry on cue and he has gotten into a pattern that he eats most of his calories for the day at breakfast, and then doesn't feel hungry or need to eat as much the rest of the day. This in and of itself is not a bad thing, but he is not getting the nutrient variety at breakfast that he needs.

This will require some retraining but it can be done if you are firm. You have to start by limiting the amount he eats at breakfast and insisting on more variety. The eggs/ bacon/ toast are OK -- some days -- but it should not be a daily thing. Go with a simple bowl of cereal and fruit some days, and then expect him to eat more at lunch.

But WHY is that bad? It's actually MUCH better to eat the bulk of your calories earlier in the day. My kids have always been huge breakfast eaters. I always make big, hearty breakfast. This was the time they ate the most from a young age. It is their make-up. I have a sister that has never been a breakfast eater--to this day she only likes water in the morning.

A very big dinner is an American thing. Give him protein, fruit, etc..at breakfast and know he is meeting his daily caloric needs with the little bit he eats a the other meals. Maybe the 'forcing' to eat is the root of the problem, btw.

I have a 4.5 year old that id the KING of picky eating. He has made huge strides just in the last few months. The weird thing is that he is probalby the only kid in America that doesn't like any form of pasta or noodles (mac-n-cheese included).

As long as he is healthy, why worry about it? Fix supper. If he eats, great! If not, don't worry about it. If he's hungry later, let him have some fruit or cheese and crackers. I doubt you need a "specialist" and I doubt he has a "sensory disorder". Geesh people, everything is not a disorder. To the posters suggesting an evaluation - Just stop it. You create drama in your life when you are bored.

We had picky eaters, although not to the extent of OP. Something that helped us was each child was able to pick three foods they absolutely would not eat, and I would fix meals around those foods.

For example, DD refuses to eat cheese. So, if I made Mac and Cheese, I would leave a portion of plain noodles out for her. If we ordered pizza, she could choose something else instead.

It gave the kids some control/choice over what they ate and really reduced the mealtime tension.

Good luck, OP!