Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:34     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow OP you are really full of yourself. Just the way you describe max's parents--we don't even *remember* who they are--just shows how self absorbed people have become. Guess what? We live in a pluralistic society. Not everyone "believes" in Santa. Given that this time of year, Xmas is everywhere, it actually takes more effort on the part of those parents who do not "do" Santa to explain it to our kids, than it does for you you to try and "shield" your kids from the truth.
So let me get this straight. You want me to tell my kids -hey don't tell anyone else that Santa isn't real?? Do you even understand kids?


OP here - am not at all full of myself and you sound mean and judgmental. Maybe you misunderstood my post? Because what I was saying is that we simply do not know this family well at all and I didn't want to make an assumption that they are anti-Santa or anything. Yes, my DH would be hard pressed to remember them because he's just bad with names, details, etc. Never said anything about us being better or more important. They seem like very nice people and Max seems like a kind, sweet, little boy (very loving with his toddler little sister when I've seen them together). Also, I certainly don't think that everyone should do Santa at all. I am agnostic, but I don't tell my daughter to go up to people of faith and declare that God isn't real - that would be horribly disrespectful to people's beliefs - I simply tell her that different people have different beliefs. We have spent time learning about many different religious traditions from around the world and in the US. The Santa thing simply represents a time of innocence and magic for both my DH and myself because DHs father suddenly and tragically died when he was 7, and I was raped by a family member at the same age - so it means something to us internally and for our DD, we want to preserve it while we can. That being said, I get that is probably coming to an end and was simply feeling blue about it in the middle of the night and unable to fall back asleep so I posted.


OP, I am the PP quoted here and I'm sorry for writing a rude response. My point was simply that for those of us who don't do Santa, it's actually a lot of work to explain why this great mythical person who delivers gifts to everyone doesn't come to our house (we do not celebrate Christmas). On top of that, we are supposed to tell them that they shouldn't tell anyone? I'm not even sure how to manage that.

You can't shield your kids forever.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:33     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:I'm going to tell my child the same thing about Santa that my dad told me about God: some people believe and some people don't, and it's up to you to decide for yourself.


OP here - thank you so much for this response. If she says anything about it again (which of course she will), this is the exact thing I am going to say. This is already what we've said about God and in my middle of the night haze, it just didn't occur to me to respond to her similarly. Much appreciated advice!
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:33     Subject: Re:Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
My DH and I are children of immigrants so neither of us believed in Santa (because our parents didn't really go through the effort to act like there was a Santa). We are torn about our own kids (3 & 5). My thought was I don't want to lie to my child about this or anything else. However, I am also not a grinch so I don't want to actively burst his bubble. We have never really told him about Santa - he just picked up on it from other kids, movies, books, etc. And whenever he asks me questions, I just ask him what he thinks. We do get them gifts from "Santa" so I guess in that way we are perpetuating a lie (although we do not go to the extreme like some of my relatives where they leave half eaten cookies, make hoof prints on the roof, the whole 9 yards).

But I do think if a child really believes in Santa, they will regardless of what other kids say. And I am not really sure how parents control what their kids say. I have a niece who is 10 and still believes even though her older brother - 12 - tells her she is crazy for believing.

As for my own son (5), I don't know how much longer he will believe. He is already pointing out logical inconsistencies (why does the Santa in the mall look different from the Santa on the train ride - one or both of them must be pretending, how does Santa get into places that don't have chimneys like apartments, how does he make it to every child in the world in just one night, etc.)
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:33     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow OP you are really full of yourself. Just the way you describe max's parents--we don't even *remember* who they are--just shows how self absorbed people have become. Guess what? We live in a pluralistic society. Not everyone "believes" in Santa. Given that this time of year, Xmas is everywhere, it actually takes more effort on the part of those parents who do not "do" Santa to explain it to our kids, than it does for you you to try and "shield" your kids from the truth.
So let me get this straight. You want me to tell my kids -hey don't tell anyone else that Santa isn't real?? Do you even understand kids?


OP here - am not at all full of myself and you sound mean and judgmental. Maybe you misunderstood my post? Because what I was saying is that we simply do not know this family well at all and I didn't want to make an assumption that they are anti-Santa or anything. Yes, my DH would be hard pressed to remember them because he's just bad with names, details, etc. Never said anything about us being better or more important. They seem like very nice people and Max seems like a kind, sweet, little boy (very loving with his toddler little sister when I've seen them together). Also, I certainly don't think that everyone should do Santa at all. I am agnostic, but I don't tell my daughter to go up to people of faith and declare that God isn't real - that would be horribly disrespectful to people's beliefs - I simply tell her that different people have different beliefs. We have spent time learning about many different religious traditions from around the world and in the US. The Santa thing simply represents a time of innocence and magic for both my DH and myself because DHs father suddenly and tragically died when he was 7, and I was raped by a family member at the same age - so it means something to us internally and for our DD, we want to preserve it while we can. That being said, I get that is probably coming to an end and was simply feeling blue about it in the middle of the night and unable to fall back asleep so I posted.


I would bet that Max's parents didn't tell Max to go tell his classmates that Santa isn't real either.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:32     Subject: Re:Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My child is "Max." Sorry lady, but my child will shout it to the world and there is nothing you can do about it.


You seem like a very selfish person with an ugly heart and unfortunately it sounds like you're teaching your child to be the same.


Sounds like you're teaching your child that the world revolves around them.


Sounds like she's teaching her kid to stick to his gun and tell the truth, even in the face of social pressure to lie. I want my kids to be his friend.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:30     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
OP, please don't try to justify anything to these GRINCHES!!!! I (and many others) totally understand your point about the MAGIC of Santa. There is plenty of time for children to learn about life's truths and the day that my son no longer believes, I am sure I will feel the same that you do.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:30     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:My daughter was just awakened by a nightmare about monsters and as I comforted her back to sleep, she mumbled to me, "mama, max says santa's not real". Background is that Max lives near us and attends the same school my DD does; they are in first grade. We are not unfriendly with the parents, but I know them only in passing and my husband would be hard pressed to even recognize them or remember that they live in our neighborhood. In fact, when I just whispered this to him as I crawled back into bed, he said "max who?". From what I know of his family, I have already suspected that they wouldn't do the Santa thing (conversations with his mom at pickup/drop off have led me to believe that they think telling kids about Santa is lying to their kids). I totally respect their point of view and picking what is right for their family and pass no negative judgement on them. Still, COME ON PEOPLE! If you are not doing Santa, please tell your kids not declare this to the class. For us, My DH and I both had incredibly early loses of innocence and wonder in our lives, and one of our main goals is to keep our kids imaginations and belief in belief in magic as long as we can. You can seriously blame it on us as being habitual liars or something, but please tell your kids (whatever their age), to not plant the seed of doubt in the mind of my child, because that means that our Santa time is over


We don't do Santa, I did tell my kids not to tell the other kids, and it didn't matter. "Santa: Real or Not?" is a hot topic of playground discussion in elementary school. My kids chimed in when it came up. I don't think they convinced anyone. They were briefly convinced that their parents were crazy and Santa is real.

Figuring out the Santa game is a useful intellectual task for elementary age kids. Don't stress about it. They're going to figure it out eventually. They're just thinking through it in grades 1-3. (I don't know any 4th graders who believe. )
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:30     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:Tell your DD that Max believes there is not Santa because Santa doesn't visit him, but perhaps Santa doesn't visit Max because he is naughty. And it would be mean to talk about Santa visiting her in front of Max since he doesn't get a visit, so she should not discuss Santa with him.


Oh my gosh is that a mean thing to say. My kids believe in Santa, but long ago I realized that you can't control what others do and say, your own kids included. And, with kids who don't belong to you, you can't even influence it. So why get upset over it.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:21     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
I'm going to tell my child the same thing about Santa that my dad told me about God: some people believe and some people don't, and it's up to you to decide for yourself.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:20     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:As other posters have pointed out -- YOU CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE.

Talk about helicopter parenting, get the eff over it. We all figure this out at some point. I had older brothers, so I probably believed in Santa for like 10 minutes before one told me it was BS.

Gimme a break.

It's Christmas season, how about you try and think of someone else instead of focusing on perpetuating some stupid fantasy with your kid? Take her to visit an old folks home, or feed the hungry.

No one's gonna convince her those people don't exist once she sees them with her own eyes.


We've been volunteering weekly as a family at a local homeless shelter since she was 4, so we don't need to *try* to think about someone else, we live it year round. We also live in NE (not the Cap Hill part either) so she certainly doesn't need any convincing about the existence of people less fortunate than her because many people in our neighborhood are needy. She comes with me on a regular basis to check on several of our elderly neighbors, take them food, read to them, and give them company - she loves them as if they were her own grandparents. I was simply bummed about the end of this magical time for her but of course I knew it would happen sooner or later. I also realize that this fantasy seems stupid to many people, it just doesn't to DH and myself because it represents something more for us personally.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:03     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
How sad. You are only young and innocent enough to TRULY believe in magic for so long. I will always have fond memories of that time of wonder, when I myself believed in Santa (and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny). My son is only a baby but I would like for him to have the opportunity to enjoy as I did.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 10:00     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:Wow OP you are really full of yourself. Just the way you describe max's parents--we don't even *remember* who they are--just shows how self absorbed people have become. Guess what? We live in a pluralistic society. Not everyone "believes" in Santa. Given that this time of year, Xmas is everywhere, it actually takes more effort on the part of those parents who do not "do" Santa to explain it to our kids, than it does for you you to try and "shield" your kids from the truth.
So let me get this straight. You want me to tell my kids -hey don't tell anyone else that Santa isn't real?? Do you even understand kids?


OP here - am not at all full of myself and you sound mean and judgmental. Maybe you misunderstood my post? Because what I was saying is that we simply do not know this family well at all and I didn't want to make an assumption that they are anti-Santa or anything. Yes, my DH would be hard pressed to remember them because he's just bad with names, details, etc. Never said anything about us being better or more important. They seem like very nice people and Max seems like a kind, sweet, little boy (very loving with his toddler little sister when I've seen them together). Also, I certainly don't think that everyone should do Santa at all. I am agnostic, but I don't tell my daughter to go up to people of faith and declare that God isn't real - that would be horribly disrespectful to people's beliefs - I simply tell her that different people have different beliefs. We have spent time learning about many different religious traditions from around the world and in the US. The Santa thing simply represents a time of innocence and magic for both my DH and myself because DHs father suddenly and tragically died when he was 7, and I was raped by a family member at the same age - so it means something to us internally and for our DD, we want to preserve it while we can. That being said, I get that is probably coming to an end and was simply feeling blue about it in the middle of the night and unable to fall back asleep so I posted.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 09:56     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:Stop lying to your kid and then you won't have to worry about them learning the truth


+100

Why not just tell your kids the truth about things?

Life, death, sex and yup, Santa.
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 09:49     Subject: Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Stop lying to your kid and then you won't have to worry about them learning the truth
Anonymous
Post 12/21/2012 09:47     Subject: Re:Tell your kids not to ruin Santa for mine
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My child is "Max." Sorry lady, but my child will shout it to the world and there is nothing you can do about it.


You seem like a very selfish person with an ugly heart and unfortunately it sounds like you're teaching your child to be the same.


Sounds like you're teaching your child that the world revolves around them.