Anonymous wrote:This thread is fascinating and terrifying all at once.

More like boring beyond belief, just like most SAHMs.

Anonymous wrote:They fight with each other
They fight for your attention
They fight over who gets in or out of the car first
One or the other is always taking off when you're trying to shop for groceries or socks or whatever
They won't both eat the same food on the same day
Etc etc etc

Tail wagging the dog.

This thread is fascinating and terrifying all at once.

I have two kids 3ish years apart and while many of the challenges listed here are true, I found the biggest challenge just that of going back to the sleep deprivation etc. But I feel the need to put some people who are having or considering a second at ease. I thought the change from 0 to 1 to be much much harder than 1 to 2. I am so so happy we have two. They are so different and so wonderful. And their relationship with each other is amazing (and yes, sometimes frustrating) to watch. Our older child adjusted well to having a sibling. And they have generally gotten along since they could play together. They are now 7 and 4 and though they fight and have different needs, they play together A LOT. Like, I can sit around and read and they are playing with each other. The older one reads stories to the younger. They come up with performances together to show us. They create room decorations together etc etc etc. I am not sure how their relationship will change but they really seem to love and like each other. And in some respects their companionship makes things easier for us.

Anonymous wrote:Just curious: how many of you who posted have family who live in the area who can help out? I'm going to assume none, but just wanted to make sure. My friend who has 2 under 3 is always saying how she would never have done them that close if her mom didn't live nearby and was willing to help out frequently.

Our #2 is due when #1 will be 26 mo old. I feel an overwhelming need to hide under the bed after reading this thread.

21 16 here.

Our closest relative is in Seattle.

To me it all depends on age gap and how much support you have. I have a 5 year-old and an 18-month old. My husband and I have flexible schedules and easy commutes and we have great childcare/schools.

We really don't find it that hard. We share all responsibilities, we give each other breaks so that we can each have free time, we get babysitters to have couple time. Our kids are starting to play together so it's getting even better. Life is good.

3 kids under 4 mom here, but I remember when it was just me and 2 kids. So far, it's fun and I love the dynamics.

It really really depends on your age gaps - if your oldest is self sufficent (potty trained, plays independently, good motor skills so can do crafts/color/glue) then, sure, it's easy to juggle a newborn in the mix. If it's under age 2 years apart than it's gets dicey b/c of the above mentioned. You always have preschool as an "out" if your oldest is ready. Again, that will make it easier to juggle a younger sibling.

My kids are 5 years apart and there are times where it's harder, I wouldn't say it's as hard as many who have posted here. Your kids will be at least 4 years apart, so I think you won't have a lot of these issues either.

Re: family or childcare support - we have no family but my sons old nanny is now our family. She babysits and helps us tons - overnights them as well on weekends as needed. If not for her I think we'd hate our lives! Sometimes ill give her the baby in order to spend quality time with our toddler who is just over 3. He has the personality where he benefits and needs that attention every so often. I used to feel guilty about giving away one of my kids but I think both benefit as the baby gets attention and love just as much if not from me. I think that's something to consider when you have 2. Some kids still need a lot of attention and one way or another they will find a way to get it . For those preparing for #2 - do what you have to do that 1st year as we've all been there and know its tough. Those pp that claim no big deal with 2 either are lucky having easy kids are lying. No way is it no big deal. So much depends on your kids' personalities of course but logistically 2 at 3 or less yrs apart is going to impact you to tears sometimes. Be warned and prepared .

Anonymous wrote:For me the biggest difference from 1 to 2 is that you never really get a break. At least when it was just 1 kid, one parent could be "off duty" every once in a while.

With 2, it's just harder to do that.

My husband and I both agree that we didn't properly understand how much free time we had when we had one kid - I think a big part of the "harder" comments are that it's hard to wrap your head around that lack of off duty time, especially when you didn't think you had much of it to begin with.

Our kids are three and a half and 11 months, and while they love each other very much, they are at really different stages and on pretty different schedules, though it does get easier the older our son gets. When the baby was napping three times a day, it was really hard to do much with both kids.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is hard but people on this thread seem to be just concentrating on the bad parts and seeing everything as a horrible challenge. For us the the biggest life change was going from 0 to 1, boy were we unprepared for that. After that each addition was chaotic at the beginning mostly because of sleep deprivation and then we pretty quickly adjusted to the new flow. We have 4 (11, 8, 5 and 2) and love it.

Your kids are all 3 years apart. I think it's pretty clear that having kids 2 years apart is the big x-factor here.

I've got 2 under 3 right now. Yes, it's hard now and hard to see past the challenges I face right now. However, I know that it will get better soon (especially once my oldest is in preschool 5x/week) and I think that the close spacing will actually start to make things easier once they are both in elementary school. I might have challenges right now, but I still love it and wouldn't trade it for the world!

I thought one was a piece of cake. Seriously, never understood why people thought having kids was hard. I had an easy baby, great sleeper, great napper, all around great kid. Had our terrible twos (and threes), but still not hard. I got my house work done, dinner cooked every night, errands run easily. He was easy to tote around everywhere....etc, etc. HAHHAHAHAHAHa now I have three. It really is much harder. Someone once said that one child is an accessory, but two children are a lifestyle change. Totally true. You will look back on this later and probably think how easy it was back then.

The jump from one to two is absolutely the hardest, and I speak as a mom of 4. The hardest part of 2 is figuring out that every kids personality is completely different. When dc1 got off the bottle, walked, slept through the night, potty trained ect ect has absolutely no correlation when dc2 does. With dc1 and dc2 I was pretty smug about toddlers with paci's, I just thought to myself those parents need to grow a backbone and throw away the paci like *I the marvelous and brilliant mother* did. Well now I have a 3.5 yr old who lives and dies for the paci and I no longer don't judge. That's just one of the many many stories. I also was a breastfeeding nazi with my first two, my third I supplemented here and there, and now my forth gets more formula than anything and guess what he doesn't walk around with a sign on his back stating mommy doesn't love me because she feeds me chemical filled milk subsitutes.

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, they turned 2 and 5 last week. Third to be born in 5 weeks. I don't find it hard. My kids are always clean, well dressed, fed. I still manage to be early every day of my life, go to the gym, cook dinner, and run my own business.

I let go of the small things that some people obsess over. Maybe that's my secret.

Your secret is that you're lying.

Our kids are a little more than 3.5 years apart (oldest 5, youngest 1.5) and two is harder than 1, but not grindingly so. I agree that spacing is key and bigger spaces are better. And now they are playing with each other more and more, which is awesome. But it is definitely harder to have chunks of uninterrupted downtime. Not impossible, but harder.