I have a daughter who is 19.
She has depression and anxiety at a deep level.
Refuses to go to psych. We have a talked to the psych and he cannot legally talk to us.
Before she turned 18 we could force her to go to the therapist office, but could not force her to talk. We can't shove meds down her throat.

I believe strongly she is a threat to herself. Her dad does too.

We beg and beg her to get help. Nothing we can do. Most helpless feeling in the world. My life is anxiety and insomnia and endless worry.

I don't think we are bad parents. We have two boys who are excellent students and are mentally healthy. Our daughter was a good student too ( she is taking classes at community college now). We did not do anything differently with any of the kids. I feel strongly that genetically our daughter just has a different makeup.

As a parent of a kid with mental illness I think it's an extraordinarily complex world that someone without a kid with a mental illness would never understand. And as a country we do not have any systems in place to help parents of young adults who they are worried about. Insurance does not cover anything but medicating these kids. Talk therapy is extraordinarily expensive and therapists for young adults are incredibly hard to find with long wait lists. Therapists who tale insurance are almost nonexistent and those wait lists are even longer.

In my opinion this is a major emergency in our country. Just not on any political agenda.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's also important to keep in mind that Klebold and Harris were really the first of this ilk- the "disturbed" school shooters. These crimes are fairly common now but Columbine was ground breaking. So, whereas now we have a model on which we can assess children's behavior to determine if they fit this mold, Klebold and Harris BUILT the mold. I cannot imagine any parent in 1997/1998 thinking their child would shoot up their school because that had not yet begun to be a "thing."

I think this is a part of the problem. Now that we have this sort of "thing," the 24 hours news media channels report continuously on these stories, inadvertently making these perpetrators stars for a short time. For a kid that has never been liked, given much attention, that is a draw. Over half of these school shooters since Columbine have referenced the Klebold/Harris killings in their writings. They can be infamous celebrities like them. That, combined with easy access to guns, social isolation, limited mental health resources, very graphic violent video games and movies, and there you've got a dangerous formula leading to a young, mass shooter.

Yes, I fully agree. I think the Harris and Klebold parents get judged on what we know now about the kids who meet this profile which just isn't fair. Unfortunately for them, their kids are the prototype for that profile and I think it's much too simplistic for people in 2016 to say that back in 1998 they should have known.

WTOP article:

http://wtop.com/national/2016/02/mother-of-columbine-killer-day-does-not-go-by-that-i-dont-think-of-the-victims-video/

Anonymous wrote:I think it's also important to keep in mind that Klebold and Harris were really the first of this ilk- the "disturbed" school shooters. These crimes are fairly common now but Columbine was ground breaking. So, whereas now we have a model on which we can assess children's behavior to determine if they fit this mold, Klebold and Harris BUILT the mold. I cannot imagine any parent in 1997/1998 thinking their child would shoot up their school because that had not yet begun to be a "thing."

I think this is a part of the problem. Now that we have this sort of "thing," the 24 hours news media channels report continuously on these stories, inadvertently making these perpetrators stars for a short time. For a kid that has never been liked, given much attention, that is a draw. Over half of these school shooters since Columbine have referenced the Klebold/Harris killings in their writings. They can be infamous celebrities like them. That, combined with easy access to guns, social isolation, limited mental health resources, very graphic violent video games and movies, and there you've got a dangerous formula leading to a young, mass shooter.

I think it's also important to keep in mind that Klebold and Harris were really the first of this ilk- the "disturbed" school shooters. These crimes are fairly common now but Columbine was ground breaking. So, whereas now we have a model on which we can assess children's behavior to determine if they fit this mold, Klebold and Harris BUILT the mold. I cannot imagine any parent in 1997/1998 thinking their child would shoot up their school because that had not yet begun to be a "thing."

Anonymous wrote:I have a student currently who fits the school massacre profile to a tee. Brilliant mind, socially isolated from peers, angry, says disturbing things and doodles violent images. We meet about him 2-3 times a month. He is in and out of therapy and on/off meds because his mother can not physically force him. I want to help him, but he also gives me the chills. If he ever does something, I would testify that his mother did everything in her power but it is hard as hell to commit an adolescent to inpatient care[b]. This young man is smart enough to toe the line between open threats and cryptic things that he can explain away as being from a video game or movie.

And even harder to force an adult to undergo ANY care at all. Which is why we end up with mass shooters. The mental health system is terrible in terms of helping family members make sure their loved ones get the care they NEED.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think blaming the parents is productive.

I don't think that the parents had a clue that their kids would ever do anything THIS bad.

She's the one that went to get her hair done the next day or two days later.

Seriously? Fuck her.


You know what, you cannot possibly know what you would do under extraordinary circumstances. Stop condemning until you have taken one step in her shoes. I am so tored of people blaming parents for heinous crimes committed by their adult children. My BIL was murdered but wben his parents reached out to my family, we didn't slam the door on their face. Their lives had been devastated, as well. Also, FWIW, my sister and I bothhad our hair done the day before his funeral.

So what if she had her hair done? Should she have have torn her hair out, rent her, gnash her teeth?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just google imaged those two. Oh man, those images of those murderers sauntering into that school wearing those trench coats is just chilling.

These kids were sociopaths and they fed off each other. And they had been spinning off of each other getting worse and worse for a while.

Honestly I didn't watch too much coverage of this when it happened because it was so awful. I see evil there.

That is just so simplistic. Things aren't quite so simple when you have a troubled child and you don't know what to do, despite your best efforts. Seek psychiatric care? - minimum two to three months wait, and that's with insurance. I hope you never have to deal with a child with psychiatric issues. I wonder if you would consider them 'evil'.

And maybe if those kids had just been kept apart - the spiraling off of each other would have stopped and this horrible tragedy would not have happened. Remember, these kids had already been arrested and expelled from school together. What more proof does a parent need that A) their kid's friend is not a good influence and B) their kid is out of control and needs help? As it is, it sounds like those parents were actually comfortable sending the one kid off to college like that...

I'm sorry, I just think about the victims and all that they and their families (and society) have lost. It is just so tragic. And the outcome for the young men in question was about as horrible as it can get.

From what I've read, it doesn't seem like Dylan's parents realized how bad their son had gotten so I don't know that they had even sought out treatment for him. It sounds like they just let him do his own thing....

Anonymous wrote:I have a student currently who fits the school massacre profile to a tee. Brilliant mind, socially isolated from peers, angry, says disturbing things and doodles violent images. We meet about him 2-3 times a month. He is in and out of therapy and on/off meds because his mother can not physically force him. I want to help him, but he also gives me the chills. If he ever does something, I would testify that his mother did everything in her power but it is hard as hell to commit an adolescent to inpatient care. This young man is smart enough to toe the line between open threats and cryptic things that he can explain away as being from a video game or movie.

Is there anything you can do to report him as a potential threat?

I don't think the Harris family has ever publicly spoke about it, at all. Does anyone know otherwise? Harris was probably a psychopath. Klebold was the follower, those two together became a time bomb.

It would be interesting to hear from the parents of Eric Harris.

I have a student currently who fits the school massacre profile to a tee. Brilliant mind, socially isolated from peers, angry, says disturbing things and doodles violent images. We meet about him 2-3 times a month. He is in and out of therapy and on/off meds because his mother can not physically force him. I want to help him, but he also gives me the chills. If he ever does something, I would testify that his mother did everything in her power but it is hard as hell to commit an adolescent to inpatient care. This young man is smart enough to toe the line between open threats and cryptic things that he can explain away as being from a video game or movie.

Blaming the mother is a time honored practice of our culture. It isn't just with horrible acts like this one.

I don't think blaming the parents is productive.

Harris was in psychiatric care at the time of the murders.