Anonymous
10/12/2012 13:06
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Anonymous wrote:OP I have a mindset similar to your husbands and my DH and I have this talk all the time. Based on my upbringing (poverty level), taking on a large debt gives me anxiety. I want to shoot for way lower than we can afford because it is mentally more enjoyable/relaxing for me than amenities of a more expensive place would be. Maybe get your spouse to explain his approach/comfort level to you (without the numbers) and then make a plan that alleviates his concerns while getting you more of what you want (any outstanding debts paid off, more in savings, a verbal agreement that you won't switch or downgrade jobs until x goal happens, etc).
Yes, it's just a bit of a philosophy approach, I am more relaxed/enjoy life more when I am able to spend the hard earned money on resonable things (nice convenient home, nice vacations etc). A sort of work hard/play hard approach. I know tomorrow is never guaranteed, and know too many horror stories about finally reaching retirement and having savings to travel etc. and not having the health, or spouse to do it with. You can't take it with you.
Anonymous
10/12/2012 13:05
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Anonymous wrote:I vote this topic line in for the "1st world problems" thread!
First world problems? 1% problems!!!!
i'd be spending $2-$2.5 if i had this kind of income.
Anonymous
10/12/2012 13:02
Subject: Re:At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Anonymous wrote:OP, where does he want to look for a house (neighborhood) and where do you want to look for a house?
We are in agreement on neighborhoods- close in Fairfax, Arlington or Montgomery county.
Anonymous
10/12/2012 12:28
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
OP I have a mindset similar to your husbands and my DH and I have this talk all the time. Based on my upbringing (poverty level), taking on a large debt gives me anxiety. I want to shoot for way lower than we can afford because it is mentally more enjoyable/relaxing for me than amenities of a more expensive place would be. Maybe get your spouse to explain his approach/comfort level to you (without the numbers) and then make a plan that alleviates his concerns while getting you more of what you want (any outstanding debts paid off, more in savings, a verbal agreement that you won't switch or downgrade jobs until x goal happens, etc).
Anonymous
10/12/2012 12:04
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Anonymous wrote:HHI is a bit over 1M, healthy accessible savings of $750K, and we are about $500K apart with how much house we can afford. What is reasonable, and how do we resolve this?
Anonymous
10/12/2012 12:03
Subject: Re:At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
OP, where does he want to look for a house (neighborhood) and where do you want to look for a house?
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:56
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
OP, are you selling a home you currently own? If you are, that makes a big difference in your argument.
If you are the one that will be making the sacrifices, I would try and let him know what that will mean financially (hiring more house help - housecleaner 2 times a week, organizer, cook, whatever).
And regarding your nice income - I assume you worked hard, studied hard and struggled. Congrats!
If you are the one that will be making the sacrifices, I would try and let him know what that will mean financially (hiring more house help - housecleaner 2 times a week, organizer, cook, whatever).
And regarding your nice income - I assume you worked hard, studied hard and struggled. Congrats!
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:45
Subject: Re:At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP - how log have you had a HHI at this level? It this a new situation? How long did it take you to save the $750 K?
I would assume that with this income, if you have no other debt, you should have saved at least $250 K a year. If you couldn't do that, why not?
If you are saving at that level, then the difference between you might be a fortune for most, but for you, your disagreement is only about 2 years of savings.
I am trying to understand why your husband feels uncomfortable with a debt level that seems fine for your HHI.
You and me both. Maybe just a super-conservative approach vs. let's spend some now and enjoy ourselves since we bust our asses? Also, I think there is a desire for one of us to have the "ability" to take a much lower paying job, and reduce HHI to around $400K, but still not for a while, and obviously still want to be able to afford house we buy. I contend that with our savings (college tuitions are all but payed off over 10+ in advance of needing them) we can.
HHI at this level for about 4 years. Savings took about 5 years (I didn't include college tuitions in this number) childcare/schooling expenses are going to drop from 50K to less than 10K/year soon. Income is very stable unless a change in job- by choice. But still, I crunch the numbers and still think even with lowered HHI in the future 1.7 is possible. UGH!
OP, I know it's tough, but try not to get too frustrated. Just because it's possible doesn't mean it's necessarily the right choice. You guys are partners, and if he wants to be conservative, then that's a valid approach that needs to be given equal weight in the discussion. Compromise will be easier if you don't approach this as "how can I convince him that my way is the right way?" Instead, try "what approach meets most of BOTH of our needs/wants?"
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:45
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Another point: are you going to have more kids? I found that I need more space than I expected, not less (we added on and are still a bit cramped). I have three kids and a very small yard - we are always trekking to the park. I want a larger yard! Try to find your forever house, you don't want to be looking around again in 5 or so years. The transaction costs will kill you and I believe mortgage rates will be higher in 5 years.
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:42
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
You can always add heated granite floors to your garage later.
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:41
Subject: Re:At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Anonymous wrote:OP - how log have you had a HHI at this level? It this a new situation? How long did it take you to save the $750 K?
I would assume that with this income, if you have no other debt, you should have saved at least $250 K a year. If you couldn't do that, why not?
If you are saving at that level, then the difference between you might be a fortune for most, but for you, your disagreement is only about 2 years of savings.
I am trying to understand why your husband feels uncomfortable with a debt level that seems fine for your HHI.
You and me both. Maybe just a super-conservative approach vs. let's spend some now and enjoy ourselves since we bust our asses? Also, I think there is a desire for one of us to have the "ability" to take a much lower paying job, and reduce HHI to around $400K, but still not for a while, and obviously still want to be able to afford house we buy. I contend that with our savings (college tuitions are all but payed off over 10+ in advance of needing them) we can.
HHI at this level for about 4 years. Savings took about 5 years (I didn't include college tuitions in this number) childcare/schooling expenses are going to drop from 50K to less than 10K/year soon. Income is very stable unless a change in job- by choice. But still, I crunch the numbers and still think even with lowered HHI in the future 1.7 is possible. UGH!
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:40
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
IF after the "budget reveiw" (recommended above), you still do not agree, meet in the middle and call it a day. Congrats on your income - that Rocks!
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:37
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Be conservative. What if one of you loses tour job? Never say never. Happened to a friend out of the blue...just after putting on an addition to their nearly two million dollar home. Things happen. Don't spend more just bc you think you can.
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:25
Subject: At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
I agree that the way to do it is to figure out how much it will cost on a monthly basis, and then consider how that fits with your current budget, and what sort of room for contingencies you've left (e.g., we bought less house than we could afford in case one of us wanted to quit a miserable but high paying job).
I'd also say that IME when we have a "range", we always end up buying at the top of the range (or perhaps slightly above), so I think it's better to keep your range a little on the low side-- maybe if you look at houses in the 1-1.5 range you'll have a better sense of what the tradeoff are within that range.
I'd also say that IME when we have a "range", we always end up buying at the top of the range (or perhaps slightly above), so I think it's better to keep your range a little on the low side-- maybe if you look at houses in the 1-1.5 range you'll have a better sense of what the tradeoff are within that range.
Anonymous
10/12/2012 11:08
Subject: Re:At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Guys, how about we all assume that OP is very grateful for her lot in life, and move on to the actual question OP asked?
Yes, thanks. And FWIW, we are huge walkers/public transportation users. DH abhors traffic and long commutes. Still at odds regarding whats "affordable" vs "comfortable" vs "doable"
No prob. Here's what I would do: pull together two budgets -- one with your expenses plus a mortgage on a $1.7M house, and one with a $900K house. Sit down with a bottle of wine and your DH and talk about how this would change your lives -- both day to day (spending, amenities, etc) and long-term (college savings, retirement, etc). Find out from your DH what his reservations are about spending more, and explain to him why you think the amenities are worth X dollars. Go from there.
Treat it like two partners making a business decision. Plus wine.
This sounds good to me.
Give your husband a chance to walk you through his numbers ... what is he factoring in besides property tax? savings goals? change in annual bonus? etc. and see where you can get him to give a little. There is a middle between 1 and 1.7, can that be the goal?