Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:59     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.


LOL, way to go against the thread advice and opinion that, in a DCUM first, is about 100% in agreement. Why post if you only want one answer? You're wrong and your thinking and your mom's and SIL's thinking is wrong and icky. Good luck to you - this bodes horrendously for how things will go in the future. But if you can't see it or think you're fine, then you deserve the result and the world you are creating.

p.s. Are you afraid of your mom and SIL? "Apparently they don't want to"? Ask them if it is the case and why. Tell them why you really think it's best and ask them if they could. So opening presents and being a gracious guest is more important than alienating people (including your DH) and the shit you are getting ready to create? Oh boy. Again, good luck with all of that!


Agreed about the unanimity and how rare that is on DCUM. OP, I was really, really surprised to see your response. Why can't you nicely ask your mother and SIL to send invites to your MIL and SIL? The who-is-paying argument is a non-starter especially when DH (and you) could pay for them if that is really the issue. But your mother and SIL haven't yet said they couldn't afford two more guests, right? It didn't even sound like the invites had gone out to the other guests. I'm not sure how you justify being this rude. Wow.

And kudos to the PP who asked if the MIL and SIL were invited to the wedding if the bride's parents paid. Good one.

Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:48     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Taking bets that clueless OP will be on GP thread in a few months complaining about her "intrusive, unreasonable" in-laws. Also wondering why DH won't stand up for her.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:47     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
If you care about your mom and her relationship with your ILs, you will speak with her.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:43     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
My mother would completely understand why I would ask for my MIL to be included. What makes you think your mom didn't just forget and won't appreciate the reminder.

I have never seen a thread where everyone agrees. Wake up or you are going to be causing family issues for yourself for a long time to come.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:41     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Why can't you suggest the invites to your mother? Just FYI most shower hosts do coordinate with the expectant mother.

You can be grateful for what your family has done and still suggest the ILs be invited. It sounds like you just don't want them there.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:22     Subject: Re:Do you invite MIL to shower?
Your mother and SIL are in the wrong, both for throwing a shower in the first place and for not asking you who you wanted to be invited.

If you don't feel like you can ask them to include some members of your husband's family then there is something bigger going on here and you have my sympathy. But if you don't, gently, nip in it the bud now not it will get bigger and bigger after the baby comes.

Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:08     Subject: Re:Do you invite MIL to shower?
Wow, wow, wow. You get along great with them and this is how considerate you are of them? A shower is one of a million firsts when it comes to being new parents and being the first one in the family to have a grandchild, nephew. Everyone wants to celebrate and share in the joy, which is so awesome to be a part of. To exclude them for no other reason than you're not the host, is just plain selfish.

I feel sorry for your husband, and of course his family.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 12:07     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Sorry if you think this wasted your time. I'm just trying to explain my reasoning. I hear everyone saying I have to invite them, but I'm not the host. I wasn't asked for my input to the guest list. I understand a lot of you think I'm a horrible person, but I'm also not paying for the party. Thanks.


No one is saying you 'have to invite them'. People are saying that you should ask your mother - your MOM, not a coworker or friend or even cousin - if she could invite your mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and if not, then why not because that is just standard practice and courtesy. Two additional people (who are unlikely to attend, according to you) is not a lot of extra expense. You're not a horrible person but it's hard to understand why a person who gets along well with her in-laws would not want them to be invited to her baby shower.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 11:43     Subject: Re:Do you invite MIL to shower?
It sounds like if DCUM is any indication, DH and MIL won't buy your reasoning either. Unless your mom is really uptight, I'd think a friendly "Hey Mom, can we send an invite to MIL and SIL too? I'd love to have all the baby's close family together to celebrate! I know MIL would probably love to come." Light, friendly and not at all demanding.

It's a great start to build that relationship. I grew up and my grandparents invited each other to everything, it was a win-win for them since it meant that my family didn't have to choose which parents to spend the holidays with. Grandmothers bond over that new grandchild!
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 11:39     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.


Why did you ask and waste everyones time when you don't care what anyone says??


OP here. Sorry if you think this wasted your time. I'm just trying to explain my reasoning. I hear everyone saying I have to invite them, but I'm not the host. I wasn't asked for my input to the guest list. I understand a lot of you think I'm a horrible person, but I'm also not paying for the party. Thanks.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 11:30     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.


Why did you ask and waste everyones time when you don't care what anyone says??
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 11:26     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
"I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?"

Yeah, I think all the posts translated are NO!

Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 11:25     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.


LOL, way to go against the thread advice and opinion that, in a DCUM first, is about 100% in agreement. Why post if you only want one answer? You're wrong and your thinking and your mom's and SIL's thinking is wrong and icky. Good luck to you - this bodes horrendously for how things will go in the future. But if you can't see it or think you're fine, then you deserve the result and the world you are creating.

p.s. Are you afraid of your mom and SIL? "Apparently they don't want to"? Ask them if it is the case and why. Tell them why you really think it's best and ask them if they could. So opening presents and being a gracious guest is more important than alienating people (including your DH) and the shit you are getting ready to create? Oh boy. Again, good luck with all of that!
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 11:23     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the responses. I am very grateful to my mom and SIL for throwing this shower for me. I'm uncomfortable demanding they invite the in laws when apparently they don't want to. I feel like my place is to show up, open presents, and thank everyone profusely. No?

and yes, this is everyone's first grandchild and nephew on both sides.

I get along great with the in laws, no issue there. It's been suggested I owe DH an apology but I don't feel like I did anything wrong, except get caught between families. Thx again.


The thing you did wrong is to not ask your mom and SIL if there would be a problem with sending an invite to your MIL and SIL. No one said anything about 'demanding' they be invited, but why would you think they 'don't want to' invite your husband's closest relatives? It is generally accepted that the grandmother of the baby is invited - regardless of whether she is your mom or your husband's.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2012 11:19     Subject: Do you invite MIL to shower?
Of course you should - eek! Your rationalizations are crappy. He's right, you're wrong. And, either way, I definitely would NOT start off on this foot, with the ILs or your DH or your family.

Oh come on, to the PP, it's perfectly fine for a sister or mom or cousin to host/throw a baby or wedding shower. That "etiquette" is ridiculous.