Anonymous wrote:You can teach your child that she has to be afraid of the world, afraid of others, afraid to leave home or you can teach her, in incremental amounts, that she has the inner resources to become her own person, strong and most of all in control. Of course we can all come up with examples of kids who never went on sleepovers and grew up to be just fine. But there are plenty of opposing examples as well, the kids who go to college and turn right around and come home, the kids with anxiety about leaving home, the kids who are so anxious on high school trips that are overnight that they cry the whole time while their classmates look at them like they are babies. (These are all examples from real kids that I know). And when the girls get together Monday morning with all their private jokes from the slumber party Saturday night, where will your DD be? She'll be the one on the outs who missed all the fun. And you wont know how that makes her feel but trust me, it sucks.

Then there was the classmate of my DD's (who is an older team) who was never allowed to go on sleepovers and developed an entire life that her parents were unaware of because they were so out of touch with what kids were really doing. She became sexually active and involved with drugs with older kids when none of her friends -- the ones whose parents were so permissive they let them go to sleepovers -- were doing anything like that.

Kids need to separate slowly. Thats the beauty of the overnight. It allows a child to go to another home, feel the strength of that independence, and then return to her own home the next day. I'll never forget how empowered both my kids felt after their first overnight.

And I'm not buying the cultural defense simply because my DD's AA and Latino friends participate in just as many overnights as everyone else. That may be your perception, but I don't think it is the norm.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Just read through the thread. This doesn't really have to be an argument about "helicopter parents" or weird predictions about social ostracism because (gasp!) people didn't go on sleepovers. The original question was asking about letting someone go on a sleepover where she didn't know the parents well. To me, that is the crux of the issue. there is a middle ground: I happily let my children go on sleepovers where I know the family well, but not where I don't. Far from being overprotective, I simply consider that basic responsible parenting.

Anonymous wrote:A PP raised a good question - what about sleepaway camp? I'm assuming that's completely off the table for those of you who don't permit sleepovers?

Anonymous wrote:I have been told (and I also agree), that I am a very laid back parent. However, one thing that I would never allow my child to do is sleep over at another childs house. Honestly, I am not sure why that is but it will not be allowed. I want my child sleeping in his bed, in our house, every night. Play dates are fine but I do not understand the whole sleep over at my house thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been told (and I also agree), that I am a very laid back parent. However, one thing that I would never allow my child to do is sleep over at another childs house. Honestly, I am not sure why that is but it will not be allowed. I want my child sleeping in his bed, in our house, every night. Play dates are fine but I do not understand the whole sleep over at my house thing.

It is fun. So is camp. So is staying at grandma's house. So is sleeping in a tent. So is going on vacation. So is traveling and seeing the world.

His bed. Our house. Every night = Suffocated child who has limited life experience, doesn't adapt well to new places and isn't a llowed developmentally appropriate indepedence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^their is extreme sensitivity among the parents of black and biracial girls that males will grossly assume that their DD's are more sexually open--there is deep fear that older males of any race will be less respectful of their DD's bodies. There is a cultural history of violation of young black and biracial (AA) girls all over the world aand their families are ultra protective of them and less likely to permit sleepovers for that reason. I am the white mother of a biracial DD--and I have only ever allowed this with families that I had many social interactions with before--through girl scouts, school volunteering and actual playmates where I had lingered a bit in the home and seen the way the family interacted. Uncles and other non-sibling males who might be sleeping o a couch?! That would be really stupid for anyone to put their DD in that situation.

Hmmm I am the PP and actually we are minorities. I find it interesting that you put into words what I would hesitate to say- that NONE of my friends would allow their DD to go to a sleepover because of this history. We are all highly educated people but are of AA, caribbean or Latin descent, and it is not cultuarlly acceptable to allow your DD to go to a sleepover.

Anonymous wrote:I have been told (and I also agree), that I am a very laid back parent. However, one thing that I would never allow my child to do is sleep over at another childs house. Honestly, I am not sure why that is but it will not be allowed. I want my child sleeping in his bed, in our house, every night. Play dates are fine but I do not understand the whole sleep over at my house thing.

Anonymous wrote:^^their is extreme sensitivity among the parents of black and biracial girls that males will grossly assume that their DD's are more sexually open--there is deep fear that older males of any race will be less respectful of their DD's bodies. There is a cultural history of violation of young black and biracial (AA) girls all over the world aand their families are ultra protective of them and less likely to permit sleepovers for that reason. I am the white mother of a biracial DD--and I have only ever allowed this with families that I had many social interactions with before--through girl scouts, school volunteering and actual playmates where I had lingered a bit in the home and seen the way the family interacted. Uncles and other non-sibling males who might be sleeping o a couch?! That would be really stupid for anyone to put their DD in that situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask, other than the kids my child's age, what other people are there. Uncle sleeping on the couch, older stepbrother there for the weekend, or even just an older male sibling would be a no go for me.

Really? An older sibling? You need to keep your child safe, but this is over the top.