Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is handsome, and I've been homely since the day he met me. When we were dating, I kept wondering how long it would take for him to realize he's much more attractive than me and dump me? We get looks, and I'm sure people wonder what he sees in me. Do I feel bad about that? Nope, not one little bit. Hot women marry nerdy men all the time and most people just assume the guy must be rich. I don't know what people assume about our situation. The truth is, we both have strengths and weaknesses. One of my main weaknesses just happens to be visible to everyone. He loves me and is devoted to me, and vice verse. That's all that matters to me.

They think he has no balls/confidence. He has a much uglier woman than many average-looking guys, and they attribute it to his personality defects.

If that's true, women must really be thinking that about other women. I see way more pretty women with average looking guys than the other way around.

That's because women are far more likely to marry for money than men are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is handsome, and I've been homely since the day he met me. When we were dating, I kept wondering how long it would take for him to realize he's much more attractive than me and dump me? We get looks, and I'm sure people wonder what he sees in me. Do I feel bad about that? Nope, not one little bit. Hot women marry nerdy men all the time and most people just assume the guy must be rich. I don't know what people assume about our situation. The truth is, we both have strengths and weaknesses. One of my main weaknesses just happens to be visible to everyone. He loves me and is devoted to me, and vice verse. That's all that matters to me.

They think he has no balls/confidence. He has a much uglier woman than many average-looking guys, and they attribute it to his personality defects.

If that's true, women must really be thinking that about other women. I see way more pretty women with average looking guys than the other way around.

Make sure that you keep telling him that he has excellent taste.

Sit back and enjoy, luv!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is handsome, and I've been homely since the day he met me. When we were dating, I kept wondering how long it would take for him to realize he's much more attractive than me and dump me? We get looks, and I'm sure people wonder what he sees in me. Do I feel bad about that? Nope, not one little bit. Hot women marry nerdy men all the time and most people just assume the guy must be rich. I don't know what people assume about our situation. The truth is, we both have strengths and weaknesses. One of my main weaknesses just happens to be visible to everyone. He loves me and is devoted to me, and vice verse. That's all that matters to me.

They think he has no balls/confidence. He has a much uglier woman than many average-looking guys, and they attribute it to his personality defects.

No they don't. Only you think that, PP.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is handsome, and I've been homely since the day he met me. When we were dating, I kept wondering how long it would take for him to realize he's much more attractive than me and dump me? We get looks, and I'm sure people wonder what he sees in me. Do I feel bad about that? Nope, not one little bit. Hot women marry nerdy men all the time and most people just assume the guy must be rich. I don't know what people assume about our situation. The truth is, we both have strengths and weaknesses. One of my main weaknesses just happens to be visible to everyone. He loves me and is devoted to me, and vice verse. That's all that matters to me.

They think he has no balls/confidence. He has a much uglier woman than many average-looking guys, and they attribute it to his personality defects.

Anonymous wrote:When the male is able to secure a better looking woman,

...ok, wait...whut? I thought you were arguing that men should be able to get women who are better looking than they (the men) are...isn't that "securing a better looking woman"?

Anonymous wrote:there will be a distrust ion in the flow of energy, and this will certainly manifest in various ways during the course of the relationship.

I remember my chemistry classes in college and there were no 'distrust' ions...you ARE a genius, aren't you?

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that the happiest relationships are where a man is either older than the woman (increasing the odds the woman remains the more desired of the two) or where the woman is just flat out better looking.

Um close, but no cigar - what the "studies" show is that on average men report higher marital satisfaction the better looking their wives are - doesn't say anything about women and it doesn't say anything about marital success (lower divorce rates). Basically it says that guys with hot wives get an ego boost or feel they lucked out - that would be immature PUA guys like you who view women as arm candy.

Anonymous wrote:

Love this! quite an appropriate response

Anonymous wrote:This IS a big deal. The basic wiring for man and woman (normal and healthy) is a man's male energy flows in admiration towards what he believes to be a beautiful woman. He fights and provides for her, she is his only attention and true love....which is built upon her looks.

A female is a receiver for a man's energy, she needs to be loved and admired by a man that meets HER expectations of male energy. Someone who makes her feel loved, protected, and someone who can PROVIDE for her emotional needs, all of them.

When the male is able to secure a better looking woman, there will be a distrust ion in the flow of energy, and this will certainly manifest in various ways during the course of the relationship.

Studies show that the happiest relationships are where a man is either older than the woman (increasing the odds the woman remains the more desired of the two) or where the woman is just flat out better looking.

You bumped this old thread to post this? Did you wander over here from one of the PUA/alpha male boards?

NP here; I like many of the replies.

I'm a couple years older than my DH and we've been together about 20 years. I used to be hotter than he was.

I had two kids, gained and lost a bit of weight, etc, and he…well I got him Lasik for Christmas one year, and suddenly those glasses were replaced with beautiful big brown eyes and eyelashes. Add to that he went fantastically salt and pepper, and he was scrawny but filled out some with the desk job. And he got hot! Add that to that he came into some power, and I know that women are drooling.

But he's a loyal guy so I'm not worried. At the same time, I don't take him for granted. I try to remember he could be with someone 10-15 years younger and nobody would bat an eyelash, and that fact helps me stay motivated to keep in shape, stay supportive of him, try to keep the romance alive, etc. So much of this is in your control, OP--in your attitude.

I always say that I want us to look like matching bookends--like we fit together, and so I try for that. I don't have to be a model, just a complement to him and vice-versa.

Now it's January and the whole of America is on board to pep talk you into getting motivated and doing what you've resolved to do this year to be a better you, so I propose just relaxing, taking a breath, and going with it! It's a new year; a new start.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is much better looking than I am. He married me, I think, because he very much wanted a wife that shared his interests. He didn't want a wife that would spend all her time dressing up, buying clothes, and doing girly things. He really wanted a partner and not just a maid/toy. And I have to admit, since he is a total nerd (although a very good looking nerd) that there are not many women who share his interests.

This is pretty much me, to a T - I'm a good looking but pretty nerdy guy. I do OK on looks (initial pickup), but have lost more than one woman by being a little too "smart" (mostly just interested in super-nerdy things - I'm not a MENSA jerk) and kind of bored by a number of typical things (like I am so out of touch with pop culture it's beyond pathetic - I'm a parody of public broadcasting). I've dated "hot" women and also not-traditionally-beautiful women. Ultimately, the ability to connect with the other person was more important - even in the bedroom! - than anything else. And honestly, some of the prettier women were bitches who sucked in bed on top of it - because they could get away with it - they'd get pursued just for being hot.

My wife likes doing the same kind of activities (outdoorsy, foodie, etc,) I do, understands my humor, can carry on a conversation and finds the same topics intellectually stimulating. In other words: we get along great. She does make an effort to look good (haircut, makeup, etc.) and she's cute, but she's a little chunky (this I would never ever say to her) and a bit of a klutz. I think people assume VGL men with less-hot women are super-insecure. Whatever. She rocks my world because we connect well, and it makes everything we do better, including sex. My wife has a VGL, traditionally-attractive sister - she rings my bells for sure - so I'd approach her (assuming she weren't my SIL and also married herself) but I wouldn't be interested past that first date because she's kind of boring (really nice person, just...boring).

Anonymous wrote:I suspect your husband is the same and knows that he was very lucky to find you.

Exactly. This is exactly how I feel. I'm always excited to see my wife and she always looks good to me.

Seriously: there is just so much more to it than just looks. Judging based on looks is fine for one-night-stands maybe, but anything more than that...no way.

BTW - when I see a really hot man with eyes only for his ordinary wife, I always think that she must be a dynamo in bed!!

OP,

Your husband finds you hot.

You are convinced he has bad taste.

Nothing we say will probably change your mind.

Is this such a bad problem to have? Seriously?

My DH has bad eyesight. He has always found me very attractive. I have used that fact (his bad eyesight) to build a really rocking, sexually charged, out of the romance book marriage.

What can I say - life gives you lemon - make lemonade!

This IS a big deal. The basic wiring for man and woman (normal and healthy) is a man's male energy flows in admiration towards what he believes to be a beautiful woman. He fights and provides for her, she is his only attention and true love....which is built upon her looks.

A female is a receiver for a man's energy, she needs to be loved and admired by a man that meets HER expectations of male energy. Someone who makes her feel loved, protected, and someone who can PROVIDE for her emotional needs, all of them.

When the male is able to secure a better looking woman, there will be a distrust ion in the flow of energy, and this will certainly manifest in various ways during the course of the relationship.

Studies show that the happiest relationships are where a man is either older than the woman (increasing the odds the woman remains the more desired of the two) or where the woman is just flat out better looking.

OP, sounds like maybe you need a mom makeover to make yourself feel a little better. It's hard getting older, when we have less time to spend on our appearances than we might have had before! I just turned 40 and motherhood and age have definitely got me looking less hot than I was. (in my case, I'm single and have to compete for men with a bunch of 20-and-30-somethings who have no kids, and with other 40-year-olds who can pay for botox. it's rough!)

Can you make a little time for yourself each day to go to the gym or go for a run - do something that makes you feel better about yourself? And then have a stylish friend help you with clothes/makeup/hair? This is just for you - I'm sure your husband still thinks you're hot.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is much better looking than I am. He married me, I think, because he very much wanted a wife that shared his interests. He didn't want a wife that would spend all her time dressing up, buying clothes, and doing girly things. He really wanted a partner and not just a maid/toy. And I have to admit, since he is a total nerd (although a very good looking nerd) that there are not many women who share his interests.

I suspect your husband is the same and knows that he was very lucky to find you.

Very narrow view of attractive women.

OP enjoy being loved by your husband. There's so much more to people than just their looks and your husband recognizes that.