Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 09:35     Subject: Re:Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
1) Your friend was rude. She scheduled a "child free" day with you and then brought her kid. She should have rescheduled.

2) That kid is a spoiled brat. She was extremely rude. Kids should not be allowed to sulk when given the rules at someone else's house.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 09:29     Subject: Re:Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I posted before but now think you could have done some things differently. Here's the issue. The little girl was bored. so yes, she probably wanted to go play in ___'s room, where she thinks the good toys are. If she got an attitude from then on in, why do you think this is? Did she feel hurt by your tone? Maybe a better approach would have been to just say "we've got a ton of toys in the playroom, holly would probably prefer to be there to show you around her room herself. maybe the two of you can get together ____?" instead of saying "Jane does not like people in her room when she is not there" which just sounds stuffy (even though you were right to enforce that).

Another thing is, whether or not this little girl was invited, once she shows up it might be nice to make a big effort to include her. Set her up with something to reduce the boredom, include her in the convo, etc. I'm not saying you were WRONG to not do this or that your friend had a right to expect it, but I think it would have alleviated your problem. How much would it suck to be a 3rd grader dragged along for coffee, brunch, then two women shopping?



FWIW, I disagree. The friend was supposed to be child free and shows up with her child. Not cool in my book but things happen. But no way would my DD in 3rd grade even ask to go in another kid's room, and as a parent no way would I be at all offended if my friend told my DD the room was off limits. It sounds like the friend's household must not have many rules or boundaries if this child felt entitled to make such a request.



What do you disagree with? Because I agree with what you're saying. I think the friend's mom sounds kind of terrible. But I'm just picturing a kid sitting there while grownups drink coffee and talk, feeling bored, and I am remembering myself at that age and maybe I'd have said Hey can I go play in Carrie's room? Or whatever. I'm NOT disagreeing that the child and her mom both acted kind of poorly, but I do think maybe OP could have spared more kindness to a little girl who was bored and probably should be in school. (BTW, not anti-homeschool at all, I just think this girl sounded super bored, and if you're making the commitment to homeschool, you probably need to have some strategies in place to make sure the child has things to do - just like you would do on summer vacation).

So OP, not blaming you, just pointing out that maybe you could have done more for the little girl. You shouldn't have HAD to, but it isn't really her fault her mom's a dope!
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 09:08     Subject: Re:Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I posted before but now think you could have done some things differently. Here's the issue. The little girl was bored. so yes, she probably wanted to go play in ___'s room, where she thinks the good toys are. If she got an attitude from then on in, why do you think this is? Did she feel hurt by your tone? Maybe a better approach would have been to just say "we've got a ton of toys in the playroom, holly would probably prefer to be there to show you around her room herself. maybe the two of you can get together ____?" instead of saying "Jane does not like people in her room when she is not there" which just sounds stuffy (even though you were right to enforce that).

Another thing is, whether or not this little girl was invited, once she shows up it might be nice to make a big effort to include her. Set her up with something to reduce the boredom, include her in the convo, etc. I'm not saying you were WRONG to not do this or that your friend had a right to expect it, but I think it would have alleviated your problem. How much would it suck to be a 3rd grader dragged along for coffee, brunch, then two women shopping?



FWIW, I disagree. The friend was supposed to be child free and shows up with her child. Not cool in my book but things happen. But no way would my DD in 3rd grade even ask to go in another kid's room, and as a parent no way would I be at all offended if my friend told my DD the room was off limits. It sounds like the friend's household must not have many rules or boundaries if this child felt entitled to make such a request.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 09:00     Subject: Re:Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Kid's a brat and your friend is a marshmallow. She brought dear daughter b/c DD didn't want to stay with dad, DD got peeved and acted horsey, probably fake cried all the way home. You are not in the wrong here based on what you describe.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 08:57     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:Let me start from the beginning; my friend called me about 2 weeks ago and asked me when I was going to be "child free" so we could go out to lunch and go shopping. I told her that the kids would be starting school this week and I would be kid free then. We decided to get together yesterday. I invited her over for coffee, brunch and then we were going to go to the mall afterward. She arrives at my house with her 3rd grade dd ( she homeschools). She explains to me that her dd didn't want to stay home with her dad so she had to bring her. I told her "no problem." While we were chatting and having coffee her dd asks if she can go play in my dd's room. I explain that she is free to play or watch TV in the playroom but my girls don't like anyone in their room unless they are there. I also explained that the only thing in their room is their bed and their clothes so it was "boring" anyway. The girl copped an attitude the rest of the time. When we were ready to leave to go shopping she starts saying " if you are going to the mall I don't want to stay long." I tell my friend that maybe we should reschedule shopping for another day.
I wake up to an email from my friend telling me that she and her dd were very hurt after leaving my house. They both were made to feel unwanted and disrespected ( she talked about how I wouldn't even let her dd play in either of my dd's rooms and how she was disappointed that I didn't trust her child....WTF, really!!)
Does anyone feel like I was rude or disrespectful? Before anyone asks, NO there was no more to the story. I told her dd she could play in the playroom but my kids room was off limits and I only said let's reschedule shopping for another day because her dd made it clear she was not interested in shopping at the mall. Beside, my friend is the one that requested a kid free get together. Thoughts?


Your friend was the rude one not you! she should have corrected her daughter's behavior on the spot. Had I been your friend, I would have called you in advance to tell you that I was coming with my child and apologize - I would also offer to reschedule. she messed up, not you.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 08:53     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:Bringing child little weird but not like toting a two year old..which would make it impossible to have any time. The prohibition on going in room?? I am calling bs on that..I have an almost 7 year old and no way I would tell a other kid who was visiting that they couldn't play in her room because she values privacy..seriously?? That puts you in crazy land as well.


You are crazy. Even son would be upset if I let another kid in his room when he is not around. Girls would be more private.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 07:50     Subject: Re:Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:My reply to her email:

"I'm sorry you feel that way Suzy. Janie was welcome to play in our playroom. My girls value their privacy, therefore, we don't allow other people in their rooms without their permission. When we were leaving for the mall your daughter expressed disappointment in going, so I thought it was best that we reschedule for a day when we can both be child free. I had a great day with you and look forward to going out with you again."


From your original post and this email, I don't think you did anything wrong, OP. Your friend is out of line. Her reaction was odd. Sounds like she was reading rejection into what were reasonable responses to her daughter's behavior.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 07:33     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
I would say "In our house bedrooms are private spaces. We have a wonderfully outfitted playroom which is where all kids play when they visit us. I'm sorry that Jane didn't understand that or was unhappy with our house rules. As for suggesting rescheduling, I just very much got the sense from her tone and comments that Jane was bored and did not want to be with us. That was my only reason. I would have made arrangements to have an activity for her had I know she was coming with you. I certainly did not intend to make you uncomfortable, but I don't think I was being unreasonable. "
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 06:50     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
OP, I would let a child play in my kids' rooms. They only thing that would scare me is not being able to watch the child and they get into some trouble (choking or something). I might have explained it that way.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 06:16     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She is a nutso homeschooler why do you give a f***?


You are clearly so much more cultured and sophisticated than those dreadful homeschoolers, such as Thomas Edison and Theodore Roosevelt!



Psst. We are in the years 2000.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2012 06:00     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:What I find most interesting is that your friend's homeschooling lesson plan for the day involved playing at your house and going to the mall. Quality.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2012 23:47     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WTF? She asks you when you are "kid fee" and them shows up with her kid? And then lets her kid run the show? Get new friends.

PS, homeschoolers are weird. Yeah, I said it.


Lol, it's okay. I thought they were all weird too, and never in a million years thought I'd become a parent who homeschools. When I started doing it, I explored those homeschooling groups and totally DID run into some of the really weird ones.


I confess, we have a lot of fun talking about the weirdest of the weird homeschoolers we see, both at conventions and at co-ops. Especially this one family we see every year, that's dressed like the Trapp Family Singers.


Five girls?


I have good friends and siblings that home school. I only think one family is really weird and that's because they are using the no-school homeschool approach.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2012 23:34     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Bringing child little weird but not like toting a two year old..which would make it impossible to have any time. The prohibition on going in room?? I am calling bs on that..I have an almost 7 year old and no way I would tell a other kid who was visiting that they couldn't play in her room because she values privacy..seriously?? That puts you in crazy land as well.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2012 23:30     Subject: Re:Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
OP, I posted before but now think you could have done some things differently. Here's the issue. The little girl was bored. so yes, she probably wanted to go play in ___'s room, where she thinks the good toys are. If she got an attitude from then on in, why do you think this is? Did she feel hurt by your tone? Maybe a better approach would have been to just say "we've got a ton of toys in the playroom, holly would probably prefer to be there to show you around her room herself. maybe the two of you can get together ____?" instead of saying "Jane does not like people in her room when she is not there" which just sounds stuffy (even though you were right to enforce that).

Another thing is, whether or not this little girl was invited, once she shows up it might be nice to make a big effort to include her. Set her up with something to reduce the boredom, include her in the convo, etc. I'm not saying you were WRONG to not do this or that your friend had a right to expect it, but I think it would have alleviated your problem. How much would it suck to be a 3rd grader dragged along for coffee, brunch, then two women shopping?

Anonymous
Post 08/31/2012 23:22     Subject: Do you think I was insulting and disrespectful?
Your friend has issues, starting with making an issue out of knowing when you'd be "kid-free" for a date and then bringing...a kid.

She's oversensitive and I'd just ignore the email, personally.