Anonymous wrote:Or they will quit interacting with your kid.

I suppose you wimp out every single thing you have to make a decision about what's best for your kid that someone else be it family or the general public? If someone is going to stop interacting with my kid because I am doing what is best for my kid so be it. My job is to do what is best for my kid and not what is best for someone else's feelings. If you stop doing what is best for your kid because "people might quit interacting with your kid" may God help you because you will be making a lot of poor decisions based on not wanting to offend.

Or they will quit interacting with your kid.

There's no need to justify or over-explain your reasoning. Just ask for what you want. Over and over and over and over and over again.

For example:

"Please don't share your spoon with Jimmy. Let him use his own."

"Please don't feed Jimmy with your hands. Here's his spoon."

"Please let Jimmy feed himself. He's practicing it a lot right now."

"Please don't share your cup with Jimmy. His cup is right here."

"Please don't let Jimmy lick your ice cream cone. He has his own.

Sound repetitive? It is. Just keep saying these things. Every time. Even (especially) if you think you sound like a broken record.

Eventually it will sink in (and/or they will get SO SICK OF LISTENING TO YOU) that they will stop sharing utensils and stop hand feeding him. It may take awhile, but it will work.

I'm a PP here that thinks OP needs to dial it back a bit but why not just tell them that you are trying to teach DC to use his toddler fork by himself. Tell them that the adult utensils are too big and sharp and frustrate him and you'd prefer that the person feeding him help your child by encouraging him to use his own fork. That way you don't have to mention germs at all and nobody takes it personally. I also agree that passing a child around at that age is a bad idea unless he has spent too much time in his highchair and is nearing meltdown mode.

Agree that OP needs to let this go.

I think you are fine to say "I'm sorry, this is awkward but i prefer he have his own spoon" and hand it to them or "I am a bit paranoid, please use his spoon" (if they are using fingers) and hand them spoon. This all wouldnt bother me but you have evry right to your child your rules.

OP, the solution might be to have another kid. Then you'll have less time and energy to try to manage all the details of the childrearing and might be more appreciative of having many hands around to help.

My husband and I were much more particular about things with our first and now that we have 2, are so much more relaxed.

And I agree with other posters who note that the more you set high or unusual standards for the care of your kid(s) the less other folks will be willing to spend time with them. Ultimately, this harms your kids.

"I know I'm a germaphobe, but please, don't share utensils with Junior." Repeat. Why is that so hard? You admit that it's atypical, so what's the big deal about telling people every time?

I agree with you OP, but I also choose not to say anything. It would hurt feelings no matter how I put it, kwim?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. It's kinda gross. Not sure what I'd doin your shoes, though!

Hey, 13:48: why the bitchy jab at SAH moms? If you're sour about your own circumstances, don't dump on others.

It wasn't a jab, it was a question, because no parent whose kid spends much time in the company of others (nanny, daycare, etc) could possibly enforce standards like this. Not sure how two words offended you.

These are the standards: when I am around don't do gross sh&**(@$.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM, yes?

I'm not the OP but no, I don't stay at home. I work a lot of hours but that still doesn't mitigate the fact that what the relatives are doing is gross. What does SAHm have to do with ANYTHING?

14:18

Id.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHM, yes?

I'm not the OP but no, I don't stay at home. I work a lot of hours but that still doesn't mitigate the fact that what the relatives are doing is gross. What does SAHm have to do with ANYTHING?

14:18

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. It's kinda gross. Not sure what I'd doin your shoes, though!

Hey, 13:48: why the bitchy jab at SAH moms? If you're sour about your own circumstances, don't dump on others.

It wasn't a jab, it was a question, because no parent whose kid spends much time in the company of others (nanny, daycare, etc) could possibly enforce standards like this. Not sure how two words offended you.

I generally suggest that the CHILD is germy and note that I won't share utensils/eat off his plate/ drink from his cup so that I don't get sick.

OP, we stopped this bringing DC's own utensils to the restaurant. We tell family to use the baby stuff if they want to help feeding DC.

They think I'm silly but I don't mind. At least I'm not offending anybody saying I don't want a child with herpes.