Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks to those who came with helpful tips.

I don't want to give more details because I don't want our friends knowing about our situation (and I have a few friends that post here) but let me say that I cannot work and DH cannot quit his job and he'll never be fired in a million years. He does very specialized work and it's very expensive to hire someone new to do it.

So he is the owner of the company or what? Because unless he is, it is almost inviting misfortune to pronounce on such matters so confidently. Especially you, since you are not even working. It's not all about money, you know - sometimes people are willing to pay more to get a better or even just a different employee.

To me it sounds like both you and your husband have an attitude issue here, perhaps willingly overlooking that in the other. You SAH but send one child to school and do not cover for both when they are sick (???). Your DH takes "unpaid vacation" in August (???). Unfortunately I am familiar with work frustration (though in my case the problem is that the company is dysfunctional while my own position is pretty good). I would never ever resign or take "unpaid vacation" before I found a better alternative (in fact, I already have a better alternative, it's just that it won't start for a few more months) though I could comfortably SAH if I wanted to. It blows my mind what the two of you are doing. Btw, I had friends who were similar in terms of attitude. The are both very bright people (one of them is a PhD) - by now, the wife has been unemployed for 5 years, and the husband for more than 10 years.

Typical DCUM bitch.

So here we go:

I cannot work. I sure want to but I can't.

DH has SEVERAL job offers that he can take any time but because of some legal issues he cannot take up any offers at this moment. Even quitting is not an option for him. He either stays with his salary living a miserable existence or he gets unpaid leave to dedicate time and energy to school and family.

It's not about a snob attitude, like you're trying to paint us, it's about knowing our options. DH's job is extremely specialized so he's very familiar with the market and his options. His friends call him all the time with offers in their companies and it breaks my heart to see that he can't take those offers. His company knows it and obviously won't raise his salary or give him a promotion. They're known for doing this. One of DH's closest co-worker came over for dinner once and I cried talking to his wife. She was telling me their story and I could not believe what they did to their family. She was on bed rest for several months with their #2, she was taken to he ER with some bleeding, they had to have an emergency C-sec and his manager (also DH's manager) kept calling him in the hospital asking him to log in. He was there trying to get news from his just born premature child, his wife that almost died after complications during the surgery and this asshole calling him asking him to log in? WTH?

Anyway, again thanks to the PPs who shared their stories, I really appreciate it.

And if you have any tips to save money, they're always welcome.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks to those who came with helpful tips.

I don't want to give more details because I don't want our friends knowing about our situation (and I have a few friends that post here) but let me say that I cannot work and DH cannot quit his job and he'll never be fired in a million years. He does very specialized work and it's very expensive to hire someone new to do it.

So he is the owner of the company or what? Because unless he is, it is almost inviting misfortune to pronounce on such matters so confidently. Especially you, since you are not even working. It's not all about money, you know - sometimes people are willing to pay more to get a better or even just a different employee.

To me it sounds like both you and your husband have an attitude issue here, perhaps willingly overlooking that in the other. You SAH but send one child to school and do not cover for both when they are sick (???). Your DH takes "unpaid vacation" in August (???). Unfortunately I am familiar with work frustration (though in my case the problem is that the company is dysfunctional while my own position is pretty good). I would never ever resign or take "unpaid vacation" before I found a better alternative (in fact, I already have a better alternative, it's just that it won't start for a few more months) though I could comfortably SAH if I wanted to. It blows my mind what the two of you are doing. Btw, I had friends who were similar in terms of attitude. The are both very bright people (one of them is a PhD) - by now, the wife has been unemployed for 5 years, and the husband for more than 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:Wait a second. Op, what do you mean that your husband can't quit his job? Does that mean that he can't ever get a new one? I realize you don't want to post more details but it doesn't make a lot of sense....

He can't quit right now. He's about to graduate and he'll get a new job as soon as he finishes school.

Anonymous wrote:Wait a second. Op, what do you mean that your husband can't quit his job? Does that mean that he can't ever get a new one? I realize you don't want to post more details but it doesn't make a lot of sense....

+1

Op's story is not adding up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH quit his horrible job before finding a new one. He was depressed and it was ruining his health. I could not stand seeing my husband so upset.

However, i do work FT, so I carried the household for a while.

He quickly found a new job after decompressing. His new job is closer to home, more money, and more respect. I think it all depends on what field you are in. Also, when he quit he had a lot of people reach out to him.

We're in the exact same situation. Sometimes the consequences of staying are just too much.

Yes, it was such a relief for both of us when he quit, the financial pinch was worth it a million times over. It also made me so grateful that I stayed in the workforce and was able to give my husband this option, since then I've never questioned my decision to work after my children were born. He would come home from work so upset, it would make my blood boil, I would be so angry at his situation. Finally I had enough and I told him FUCK IT. Go in there and tell them to take the job and shove it up their asses. The kids had their dad for a good part of the summer and dad was able to exercise, eat well and generally feel like a human again.

The whole situation made us so much stronger. I know that my DH will always have my back and if I'm ever have my back against the wall, he'll be there for me, supporting me 100%. Not to mention, we are now much more careful with our money, just so we both know we will never be trapped in a horrible soul sucking job.

Thanks PPs for sharing your stories. Do you have any tips on saving money to share with me? Unfortunately I cannot work so that option is out. He graduates from school soon so getting a new job will be an option very soon. For now, all I can do to support him is to take care of the house, the kids and save money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH quit his horrible job before finding a new one. He was depressed and it was ruining his health. I could not stand seeing my husband so upset.

However, i do work FT, so I carried the household for a while.

He quickly found a new job after decompressing. His new job is closer to home, more money, and more respect. I think it all depends on what field you are in. Also, when he quit he had a lot of people reach out to him.

We're in the exact same situation. Sometimes the consequences of staying are just too much.

Yes, it was such a relief for both of us when he quit, the financial pinch was worth it a million times over. It also made me so grateful that I stayed in the workforce and was able to give my husband this option, since then I've never questioned my decision to work after my children were born. He would come home from work so upset, it would make my blood boil, I would be so angry at his situation. Finally I had enough and I told him FUCK IT. Go in there and tell them to take the job and shove it up their asses. The kids had their dad for a good part of the summer and dad was able to exercise, eat well and generally feel like a human again.

The whole situation made us so much stronger. I know that my DH will always have my back and if I'm ever have my back against the wall, he'll be there for me, supporting me 100%. Not to mention, we are now much more careful with our money, just so we both know we will never be trapped in a horrible soul sucking job.

This is such a great story.

Wait a second. Op, what do you mean that your husband can't quit his job? Does that mean that he can't ever get a new one? I realize you don't want to post more details but it doesn't make a lot of sense....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH quit his horrible job before finding a new one. He was depressed and it was ruining his health. I could not stand seeing my husband so upset.

However, i do work FT, so I carried the household for a while.

He quickly found a new job after decompressing. His new job is closer to home, more money, and more respect. I think it all depends on what field you are in. Also, when he quit he had a lot of people reach out to him.

We're in the exact same situation. Sometimes the consequences of staying are just too much.

Yes, it was such a relief for both of us when he quit, the financial pinch was worth it a million times over. It also made me so grateful that I stayed in the workforce and was able to give my husband this option, since then I've never questioned my decision to work after my children were born. He would come home from work so upset, it would make my blood boil, I would be so angry at his situation. Finally I had enough and I told him FUCK IT. Go in there and tell them to take the job and shove it up their asses. The kids had their dad for a good part of the summer and dad was able to exercise, eat well and generally feel like a human again.

The whole situation made us so much stronger. I know that my DH will always have my back and if I'm ever have my back against the wall, he'll be there for me, supporting me 100%. Not to mention, we are now much more careful with our money, just so we both know we will never be trapped in a horrible soul sucking job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's chipotle lady. period.

And your suggestion to her original question is?

First admit you're her, OP.

Anonymous wrote:It's chipotle lady. period.

And your suggestion to her original question is?

Anonymous wrote:It's chipotle lady. period.

Oh man, I hope so. Where is popcorn .gif lady?

OP here.

Thanks to those who came with helpful tips.

I don't want to give more details because I don't want our friends knowing about our situation (and I have a few friends that post here) but let me say that I cannot work and DH cannot quit his job and he'll never be fired in a million years. He does very specialized work and it's very expensive to hire someone new to do it.

OP, both you and your DH should be looking for jobs. The first one who finds a good job takes it, and either the other parent SAH, or you both work (far more responsible solution) and you find childcare that fits your budget. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please share your tips to save money.

I SAH with our 2 children. DC1 is starting school in the fall 4 mornings per week. We rent in the suburbs.

After 10 years with this company DH finally had enough. He is tired of the way they're treating him (they complain when he asks for sick days - never had to before we had kids but now it's more frequent) they're not family friendly at all, no respect for his career (his salary is 30% lower than market average, no respect for his personal time (gets calls at all hours at night and over the weekend where he had to loging to fix stuff) it got to the point that he said he could not do something his manager yelled saying "get your wife to drive so you can join us" talking about a conference call happening during his vacation. We were driving cross country and DH was driving when he got this call.

Anyway, we have no debt. Our monthly bills are rent, health insurance, groceries, gas, utilities and now DC's school. I just got a deal with our cable service so we're paying 50% less there.

DH's company pays for phone and half of our health insurance so we're waiting to see how this will work during his break.

What are your tips?

Why is DH taking more frequent sick days now that you have kids? You SAH, so it's not like they are picking up daycare germs. I WAH and I've had to take sick leave ONCE for my toddler (she had roseola). Since she's at home with a nanny she doesn't bring home germs, and neither of us (or DH) get sick.

Honestly, someone being paid 30% under market is probably performing 30% under market. There's no reason a stellar employee wouldn't move in 10 years. There's also no reason that the breadwinner in a family should leave a job when the complaints are relatively minor (really? I've been asked to take a conference call while driving to vacation, and switched with DH. How is this an issue?) unless the breadwinner has another job lined up. The economy is bad. You and your DH need to get real about whether he has performance issues that are holding him back, or whether he should leave when he provides your only means of living.

Exactly what I wanted to know. Why is he taking sick days if you SAH? YOU take care of the sick kids. Being a SAHM, that.is.your.job.

Cable? A luxury. You don't need it to survive. And that 50% cut you got? It will most likely jump right back up. You don't need to send your older DC to "school" 4 mornings a week. Completely unnecessary expense. Don't use the line of "oh, he needs more socialization...."

Two posters recognized OP? ::cough, bullshit, cough::

Enjoy your sock-puppeting, folks!