Again, we're talking about

1. Not RSVPing and/or

(even worse

2. RSVPing yes and then not showing up without any explanation

I'm all about RSVPing and showing up. But sometimes there are unpredictable circumstances that happen immediately before the party. For example, there might be a discipline problem that is severe enough that the child is not allowed to attend the party. If the parent calls the host to let them know and to apologize for the last-minute cancelation, I hope that the host will understand.

I don't know what's going on here.

For the 3, 4, and 5 parties, I invited all the kids in my daughter's preschool and the kids a year older (maybe 20-25 in all), and a few random friends from elsewhere.

There were 1-2 full no-shows each time and they were fully apologetic.

FWIW, this was in Vienna (3 and 4) and Leesburg (5).

So glad to know that this has happened to others. It happened to us, and for a while I wondered if it had something to do with my child. Upon further reflection, I realized my son has many friends and is generally well-liked, and that iour bad luck was due to a busy season (soccer, baseball, Easter) and inconsiderate invitees.

If you think about it, we do more parties now than we ever did; I don't think I had my first real birthday party until I was 8. With all these outside activities, it's impossible to attend everything. For this reason, we don't do large birthday parties anymore. We invite a small number of kids over to do something fun, and that's it. It's much more meaningful, I think.

One no-show, eh, an accident. When the MAJORITY don't show up, that is a more endemic problem, I think. Weird.

One of my friends does this. She is my friend and has RSVP'd to 2 events and no showed. I don't invite her to parties where this matters anymore. I had a bday party for my daughter 2 years ago and invited her friends from school and our family friends and their children. A lot of her friends did not come, but RSVPed no, because it was mid August. This year I am having the party right before school starts so our number of yes RSVPs is higher. Hopefully they will all show up!!

Not RSVPing I can handle. I'll count that as a "no" and figure I'll pad my numbers a bit in case it was an oversight and someone shows up. But no shows with no call at all baffle me. We invited a child and his family, new friends of ours - our kids play together in the neighborhood - to my son's bday party and the RSVPd "yes, we can come" and never showed. And never wrote, called, or even texted an explanation at all. I haven't seen them since but surely will, and it will certainly feel awkward. Because what will she say? "Oh, sorry about that?" or maybe not say anything at all? I know things come up, but i can't imagine not even bothering to let someone know you can't make it. And I'm pretty darn sure that nothing insanely bad happened that weekend, she's posted on the school listserv a few times about stuff like "hey we found this neat new pool - anyone want to join us?" etc. So it doesn't seem like someone's had a serious issue. But who knows.

22:08PP here - oh, and siblings are always invited. some of my friends would have a hard time finding care for the second kid, so siblings are always welcome at our parties.

This is why we have not yet started inviting my daughter's preschool classmates to parties - we have continued to invite the kids of my friends, who are all within 1-1.5 years of her age. It's great - people who actually know and like you (and hang out with you regularly) are much more likely to RSVP and show up (or have a good reason) and you get to hang out with your friends while the kids play!

I'm religious about RSVP'ing and we attend nearly all parties for which we're in town, though occasionally I have to do a "maybe" (for the house parties that have a low overhead cost) because we don't always decide our custody schedules way in advance.

Anonymous wrote:"Calling someone and trying to give a guilt trip on behalf of the birthday parents is more obnoxious than not RSVPing. You never know which family is dealing with true adversity and hadn't even checked their email because they are so overwhelmed. "

Totally disagree. Odds are against the tragedy situation and the best way around that is a message that could be read either way but that if you blew it off you KNOW it's a guilt trip..."Hi, X, I just wanted to check up on kiddo A since we heard you guys had to miss birthday kid's party at the last minute. it was a nice but very small party. I really hope everything is ok with you."

The "not checking email" scenario may work for no RSVP but doesn't for those who RSVP yes and then just inexplicably bail.

Bingo.

"Calling someone and trying to give a guilt trip on behalf of the birthday parents is more obnoxious than not RSVPing. You never know which family is dealing with true adversity and hadn't even checked their email because they are so overwhelmed. "

Totally disagree. Odds are against the tragedy situation and the best way around that is a message that could be read either way but that if you blew it off you KNOW it's a guilt trip..."Hi, X, I just wanted to check up on kiddo A since we heard you guys had to miss birthday kid's party at the last minute. it was a nice but very small party. I really hope everything is ok with you."

The "not checking email" scenario may work for no RSVP but doesn't for those who RSVP yes and then just inexplicably bail.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. Mostly I just thought it was incredibly RUDE. In part rude to the parent, but most of all rude to the kid. I mean at five years old, a child know's what's up. When the table's set for seven...

I almost wanted to call up the parents myself and give them a talking to.

Just obnoxious.

(I'm feeling overly hateful right now, maybe. I'll calm down after my second coffee. )

i think you SHOULD call - and say something like, "oh my gosh, was little peter sick this wknd? we were at mark's birthday and only 3 kids came; i felt so bad for the birthday boy. he was so disappointed" lay it on thick.

I sort of like this idea!

I don't like that idea at all. Yes, I think it's rude not to RSVP, but I try to take the high road. Calling someone and trying to give a guilt trip on behalf of the birthday parents is more obnoxious than not RSVPing. You never know which family is dealing with true adversity and hadn't even checked their email because they are so overwhelmed. 2 wrongs don't maker a right.

I basically just make sure my kids' closest friends can come and I ask the parents which dates work best. Anyone else who shows RSVP or not is icing on the cake.

I'm so glad my DC's have aged out of this. Both attended private schools, there were major, birthday productions every other weekend. We had simple, family birthday parties at home. I guess, my poor kids felt so unloved.

Just curious, are there any Dads responding to this thread or is this just a Mom thing?

Anonymous wrote:If I say I'm going to be somewhere at a certain time, I show up.

If I can't make it, I call/text/email and explain.

If I receive an invitation, I rsvp yes or no.

Same for my kid too.

Applies to haircut appointments, social events, work meetings, pretty much everything.

Isn't this just common courtesy?

This is how I was reared and my children . I also never had big bday parties for my children and cannot imagine spending so much money. Ice cream and cake and a few games.

Anonymous wrote:

You know what is equally frustrating? Uninvited siblings. People can be so inconsiderate! Grrr!

It doesn't bother me at all if the person mentions or asks. I just need to know how many kids are coming so that we can have the right amount of food/drink/treat bags. It seems like such a little thing to ask for this information, but apparantly it is too much for many people.

I totally agree. I don't care if siblings come at all! Just let me know so I can have food for them. I don't expect people to get a babysitter for a sibling just to come to a birthday party. The more the merrier but I wouldn't want the sibling to not have enough to eat.