Infertility survivor here: one of the worst aspects (among all the rest) is that it deprives you of a sane “choice.” The pressure is on the cycle is moving the money is spent the friends have kids and are moving on with parenthood. You feel left behind. Your emotions are a wreck ...
It’s hard to stop and make a real choice for yourself. We did not realize how much we had developed a child free lifestyle (by default) until we became parents at 42 after 5 years of trying.
We were lucky: our DC is a healthy happy kid, a great kid. But I didn’t realize that we could have been equally happy to have chosen to just stop and be childfree.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I can't figure out if I really want a child, or if I'm just so pissed I can't get pregnant.

+1....I love that I can come and go as I please. Go to HH or shopping after work. Can take last minute trips any time I want. But then I think of times I want my husband and I to take our kid to have their pic with Santa, go or family vacations or have a family picture. Stuff like that.

We had unexplained primary fertility with the first, tried for too long without going to see a doctor (1.5 years). In that time I tried acupuncture. I eventually was put on Clomid at 36 and conceived on the 3rd cycle. Then we had secondary infertility, and I went to a RE who told me I had DOR. We were not willing to go with IVF, mainly due to cost and some close friends we knew who had spent so much money and time on IVF with no luck. We told ourselves we would throw away the birth control and see what happens, but we would have made peace with our family of three. We got very lucky and conceived #2 unassisted at 39.

I would have been fine if things didn't work for our first (I was 39), but they did quickly and seemingly easily. But then I really wanted a second only to find out that we had been insanely lucky with the first and then of course, there was my age. I didn't think I'd do IVF b/c I'd heard it was terrible, but the more I learned, the less it seemed so terrible - and I found it pretty easy physically. It was still a rough process in multiple ways. I think being fine with none or one or however many you happen to already have is fabulous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I can't figure out if I really want a child, or if I'm just so pissed I can't get pregnant.

+1

+1. I caught myself thinking - i am going to do it even if it kills me.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I can't figure out if I really want a child, or if I'm just so pissed I can't get pregnant.

+1

Sometimes I can't figure out if I really want a child, or if I'm just so pissed I can't get pregnant.

Anonymous wrote:Yes-ish, we wanted to go with the flow and maybe adopt after a few years of no success. I didn’t want fertility treatments but eventually gave in to some combination of an injection and Clomid pills. I got pregnant on the second try with that combo. It’s technically a treatment but I don’t really say we did “fertility treatments” since there was artificial insemination or anything more invasive than the shot.

^^meant to say no artificial insemination
Before the pregnancy we were 100% set on adoption. A decade of trying unsuccessfully and thinking about it made us sure we wanted kids, through adoption or not. We went to meetings at different agencies and applied at a couple.

Yes-ish, we wanted to go with the flow and maybe adopt after a few years of no success. I didn’t want fertility treatments but eventually gave in to some combination of an injection and Clomid pills. I got pregnant on the second try with that combo. It’s technically a treatment but I don’t really say we did “fertility treatments” since there was artificial insemination or anything more invasive than the shot.

giving up takes a lot of strength. wish i had it.

I think I’m going to choose to give up. I’m 39, DH is 46, we already have one, and I can’t take the stress anymore. I especially can’t stand people either asking “when we are having another” or people piping in with “have you tried acupuncture.”

Have you thought about acupuncture? It can help with fertility, but, even more so, peace of mind. Could help with the if it happens, it happens approach.

I know quite a few very happy childfree couples, incluidng some of my parents' friends who retired early (in their 50s) and have lived extraordinary lives doing things that I'll never have the financial resources to do. They are all fit and happy and have a zeal for life. If you are sure that you don't want children, then it can be a great lifestyle. If, however, you think even in the back of your mind that the wait and see approach might work, then perhaps you want to have a back-up plan. You certainly can change your mind.

You have to be ready and committed to fertility treatments. In hindsight, we rushed into fertility treatments, and I spent two years in agony. In the end, it was successful, and I don't regret what we did, as I adore our DD. That being said, we learned I had an issue, went straight into fertility treatment and had complication after complication. I think if I had let my body take time, we might not have had to go through what we did (we ended up with #2 instantly with no fertility treatment).

In a way, I wish we had tried the wait and see approach. Best of luck to whatever you choose. Just remember, people are nosy and the questions won't stop so be prepared.

Anonymous wrote:We conceived #1 in about the first 10 minutes of trying at age 35, I just assumed #2 a few years later would be easy as well. The doctors did not kow exactly why we had these issues, but based on our initial attempts, they said that IVF, etc. would be unlikely to successul. They were pushing donor eggs--which for us, was not something we personally felt like doing. We also opted not to adopt.

Then at 40 years, with no explanation, got pregnant with #2.


This is just my own personal view, but the process of IVF and fertility treatments always make me very stressed out. The drugs, the injections, etc., were unpleasant, but also the contant disappoinment eacdh month....When I gave up on it, I think my stress levels went down, and I believe that my mental state played a huge role.

Good luck to OP!!!!

I hate how they just assume that whether eggs are yours or donor's should not make much difference.

We conceived #1 in about the first 10 minutes of trying at age 35, I just assumed #2 a few years later would be easy as well. The doctors did not kow exactly why we had these issues, but based on our initial attempts, they said that IVF, etc. would be unlikely to successul. They were pushing donor eggs--which for us, was not something we personally felt like doing. We also opted not to adopt.

Then at 40 years, with no explanation, got pregnant with #2.


This is just my own personal view, but the process of IVF and fertility treatments always make me very stressed out. The drugs, the injections, etc., were unpleasant, but also the contant disappoinment eacdh month....When I gave up on it, I think my stress levels went down, and I believe that my mental state played a huge role.

Good luck to OP!!!!