Anonymous wrote:Which gym??

I'm not sayin. The affair caused quite a scandal, so if you go there frequently and are friendly with the instructors/trainers-you already know where I'm talking about.

Which gym??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend of mine was just commenting that he thought it was so much easier for SAHMs inclined to cheat these days; particularly if their kids are of school age. 5 hours a day alone and, as a woman, a much easier time finding a willing sex partner. I'd have to agree.

SAHM here -

The reality doesn't measure up to the fantasy. A friend once told me "Don't poop where you eat." I am alone most of the day but I would never have a guy come to my home for an affair.

The other issue, she is home alone for a reason. All the men with jobs are at work. Where is she going to find someone to have a fling with?

OMG, you should see how the women act at the gym durning the day. Like a bunch of cats in heat. There was even one recently who left her DH for one of the fitness instructors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend of mine was just commenting that he thought it was so much easier for SAHMs inclined to cheat these days; particularly if their kids are of school age. 5 hours a day alone and, as a woman, a much easier time finding a willing sex partner. I'd have to agree.

SAHM here -

The reality doesn't measure up to the fantasy. A friend once told me "Don't poop where you eat." I am alone most of the day but I would never have a guy come to my home for an affair.

The other issue, she is home alone for a reason. All the men with jobs are at work. Where is she going to find someone to have a fling with?

I agree. The workplace is a huge source of affairs. It's increasing in part because the line between work and personal life is blurring, and now people are in touch through the evening and on weekends unlike 15 years ago when many people just went home and may have done work but didn't interact with iPhone, blackberry, texting. Also now that a lot of people are using IM for work and merging their personal phones with work phones I think it's just easy to drift to personal stuff without realizing it.

I also think people see others' "best self" at work. You are usually showered, primped, dressed, and you are professional so put on a smile, laugh at a joke, etc. It's a bit of a bubble. SAHMs are more likely to hang out with other moms during the day I imagine, but perhaps as more dads stay home that will change in the coming years.

Anonymous wrote:Friend of mine was just commenting that he thought it was so much easier for SAHMs inclined to cheat these days; particularly if their kids are of school age. 5 hours a day alone and, as a woman, a much easier time finding a willing sex partner. I'd have to agree.

SAHM here -

The reality doesn't measure up to the fantasy. A friend once told me "Don't poop where you eat." I am alone most of the day but I would never have a guy come to my home for an affair.

The other issue, she is home alone for a reason. All the men with jobs are at work. Where is she going to find someone to have a fling with?

Friend of mine was just commenting that he thought it was so much easier for SAHMs inclined to cheat these days; particularly if their kids are of school age. 5 hours a day alone and, as a woman, a much easier time finding a willing sex partner. I'd have to agree.

Anonymous wrote:I went though 4 years of sexless marriage before I found someone on the side....... It is amazing to have sex again and I can't believe I missed out for all that time...... But not a perfect solution since ideally I'd like husband to be my lover..... But he has zero interest!!!

That is a major advantage for women. There is always some hound dog out there if you want a lover. For us, much tougher to find.

I went though 4 years of sexless marriage before I found someone on the side....... It is amazing to have sex again and I can't believe I missed out for all that time...... But not a perfect solution since ideally I'd like husband to be my lover..... But he has zero interest!!!

Anonymous wrote:Glad to know I am not alone although sad to see so many others in the same boat as me. DH and I have not had sex in almost two years. Part of that time I was pregnant but there was no interest on his part during or since. It is really depressing and it makes me really angry too. If I had the opportunity to find someone to cheat with I would. I really would and that is sad. I feel totally unattractive at this point and therefore, do not think I will even find someone for a fling. :o(

I know it's hard, but you can not let his disinterest affect your self-esteem. I'm willing to bet that you pass men every day that think you are still very sexy and beautiful

Was this your first pregnacy and was he in the delivery room?? From some reason seeing the byproduct of sex pushing it's way into the world does seem to turn off some men. (I know it sounds silly)

Does he express affection in other ways but doesn't attempt sex? If this is true then remember what it feels like to be sexy ( kid under 2 doesn't help that much) dress the part and sit him down and tell him how his lack of interest is making you feel - tho don't bring up the desire for a fling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your husbands secretly using porn? Habitual use of porn can make a man unable to perform/respond to an actual person.

Yep, that's part of it for me. A little porn is fine though, I don't think it is excessive but of course he could be lying.

I think sometimes for men it is easier to get themselves off on their own than deal with a relationship with a woman. And that's fine, but I and other PPs don't have to stick around for it. He can spend the rest of his life in front of a computer, but I'm interested in intimacy and sex with a real person.

We all like to say, oh its porn no big deal, only prudes don't like it but it affects more marriages than people think. It has been proven that porn can be as addictive as cocaine. It is much easier for a man to whack off in front of the computer than taking a living, breathing woman and turn her on.

What about the husband (like mine) who watches porn AND after 14 years is still all over me like a 16 year old boy? I pratically have to wrap myself up like a mummy before I go to sleep, as to not get accosted. I think I give him enough sex, around 3xs a week, but he's always ready. God knows how often he jerks off!

After reading all these other comments, consider yourself lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your husbands secretly using porn? Habitual use of porn can make a man unable to perform/respond to an actual person.

Yep, that's part of it for me. A little porn is fine though, I don't think it is excessive but of course he could be lying.

I think sometimes for men it is easier to get themselves off on their own than deal with a relationship with a woman. And that's fine, but I and other PPs don't have to stick around for it. He can spend the rest of his life in front of a computer, but I'm interested in intimacy and sex with a real person.

We all like to say, oh its porn no big deal, only prudes don't like it but it affects more marriages than people think. It has been proven that porn can be as addictive as cocaine. It is much easier for a man to whack off in front of the computer than taking a living, breathing woman and turn her on.

What about the husband (like mine) who watches porn AND after 14 years is still all over me like a 16 year old boy? I pratically have to wrap myself up like a mummy before I go to sleep, as to not get accosted. I think I give him enough sex, around 3xs a week, but he's always ready. God knows how often he jerks off!

Anonymous wrote:I went though this with my ex, and briefly blamed myself (not good enough in bed, not sexy enough, etc.). Then I was just confused. It finally took counseling for me to learn that he was really bad at expressing his deepest feelings and that he'd secretly been harboring resentment towards me for a long time, which made him not want to have sex with me.

Why did you finally divorce?

Anonymous wrote:>>It is much easier for a man to whack off in front of the computer than taking a living, breathing woman and turn her on.<<

True. But, in the case of a woman who can turn herself on, or who is turned on by you being turned on by her; it's a whole lot more fun to be with her than looking at pictures.

If, on the other hand, to turn her on, you need to say the exact right thing at the exact right time, never say anything wrong, and pray something random and out of your control doesn't ruin your efforts, then porn is a lot more reliable.

+1

>>It is much easier for a man to whack off in front of the computer than taking a living, breathing woman and turn her on.<<

True. But, in the case of a woman who can turn herself on, or who is turned on by you being turned on by her; it's a whole lot more fun to be with her than looking at pictures.

If, on the other hand, to turn her on, you need to say the exact right thing at the exact right time, never say anything wrong, and pray something random and out of your control doesn't ruin your efforts, then porn is a lot more reliable.

Anonymous wrote:I went though this with my ex, and briefly blamed myself (not good enough in bed, not sexy enough, etc.). Then I was just confused. It finally took counseling for me to learn that he was really bad at expressing his deepest feelings and that he'd secretly been harboring resentment towards me for a long time, which made him not want to have sex with me.

+1