Anonymous wrote:OP, why were you sitting out in the car shaking after repeatedly smacking your husband in the head? Did he threaten to press charges against you?

Was this the first time? So the anger and frustration against his behavior has been building up for roughly a year? What was he doing while you were smacking him, trying to hold you off and/or yelling and calling you filthy names? Has DH ever hit you?

Once things become this nasty in a relationship it's incredibly difficult to recover the intimacy. Then again, it really doesn't sound like intimacy exists in your relationship.

To be honest, you view him as merely the main breadwinner in your family, you hate his guts, and you feel stuck, right?

Can name several marriages like this.

OP, why were you sitting out in the car shaking after repeatedly smacking your husband in the head? Did he threaten to press charges against you?

Was this the first time? So the anger and frustration against his behavior has been building up for roughly a year? What was he doing while you were smacking him, trying to hold you off and/or yelling and calling you filthy names? Has DH ever hit you?

Once things become this nasty in a relationship it's incredibly difficult to recover the intimacy. Then again, it really doesn't sound like intimacy exists in your relationship.

To be honest, you view him as merely the main breadwinner in your family, you hate his guts, and you feel stuck, right?

Hugs to you OP, I hope you work this through.

Anonymous wrote:Not excusing OP, but letsgetsome facts straight. If I hit DH in the back of the head ONCE, my hand is going to be bruised. Hand, meet skull. She said she hit him REPEATEDLY. Of course her hands are going to be bruised, especially if she was slapping. Her fingers are probably a mess. She deserves it. She doesn't say she hit his face. If he was smart, he ducked. He pushed her buttons and knew what he was doing. Unlikely for the first or fifth time, and he did it in front of the child. She lost it. IT'S NEVER OKAY TO HIT! She knows it's wrong, that's why she posted. OP, apologize to DH for hitting him (do this in front of DC) saying no matter how angry you get it's NEVER OKAY TO GET PHYSICAL and then get some therapy quick.

"Bitch got lippy, so I popped her," the violent dad said to the arresting officer. "I know it's wrong, except she wouldn't shut the fuck up and had it coming."

That's what much of this thread sounds like. With the gender roles reversed.

Not excusing OP, but letsgetsome facts straight. If I hit DH in the back of the head ONCE, my hand is going to be bruised. Hand, meet skull. She said she hit him REPEATEDLY. Of course her hands are going to be bruised, especially if she was slapping. Her fingers are probably a mess. She deserves it. She doesn't say she hit his face. If he was smart, he ducked. He pushed her buttons and knew what he was doing. Unlikely for the first or fifth time, and he did it in front of the child. She lost it. IT'S NEVER OKAY TO HIT! She knows it's wrong, that's why she posted. OP, apologize to DH for hitting him (do this in front of DC) saying no matter how angry you get it's NEVER OKAY TO GET PHYSICAL and then get some therapy quick.

OP you physically assaulted your husband. You describe your attack as battering him and that your hands/fingers are probably bruised. He probably wanted to physically retaliate but controlled himself and instead tried to hurt you worse by using your DD.

Family therapy might help you OP. However, once a professional is involved, you will be reported if there's a second episode of violence against DH or he shares that you are physical with your DD. Maybe, you should seek individual therapy first. In the meantime, apologize to your DH and DD. And, start working on ways to relieve your stress, long fast walks and yoga really help. I hope you can get this quickly under control before your life spirals out of control.

she hit hiom hard enoght to bruise her own hands, I wonder what his face looks like

I don't consider what her husband said emotional abuse. There are times when Mommy does not want to be with her kid. That used to be normal, accepted, and okay to admit. She went off the rails because he made her feel guilty.

If I hit my husband -- absent extreme stress like revelation of affair, bankruptcy, illness of child -- then I would know that I hated him. Therapy and temporary separation would be the minimum.

But if I were OP I would ask DH what he wants to do. He is the victim and his thoughts about what is best for their family should be respected. I would also tell my DD that what I did was wrong and that it would never happen again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

Yeah, this is pretty much crap. Domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another. OP is a criminal.

If a man beats his wife repeatedly about the head because she said an inane or rude comment, it is considered domestic violence by law enforcement and by the criminal courts regardless of his stress level.

His statement may have been made under extreme stress as well - who knows.

I really think this attitude that anything women do wrong is always the man's fault really does both men and women a disservice. Women are equally capable of being emotionally and physically abusive and controlling and are as responsible for their own actions as men. Making women out to be weak and incapable of dealing with stress without beating their husbands is demeaning.

He is to blame for his actions, she is for hers. And in the case of what could have been a stupid comment in the moment of stress versus beating someone upside the head in a moment of stress, I would say her actions are the more serious.

If this had been a man posting and this situation was reversed - everyone would have said the wife had made a mistake by saying something disrespectful but that she get out tonight, call 9-1-1, charge him. I highly doubt people would be trying to shift the focus onto the stress the man had to be under hearing his wife talk like that and that a beating was understandable. Nor would people assume the woman was abusive, there would be all kinds of comments about not being too hard on herself and that everyone makes mistakes and that nothing she could have said would have deserved a beating.

Anonymous wrote:I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

Yeah, this is pretty much crap. Domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another. OP is a criminal.

What your husband said was obnoxious, no doubt. But you know that your reaction was wrong, and it was also probably terrifying for your daughter. It sounds like you lost control of yourself under stress. You need to get some professional help and figure out how to move forward.

Both dysfunctional. Get professional help. It's already gone on for far too long.

Dude......it's called THERAPY, and you seriously need it. Like now.

You are lucky he didn't bitch slap you. You need help.

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