Anonymous wrote:I find that teenagers are too engrossed in their phones, I-pods, clumsiness that they are always oblivious to others in a crowd. I find myself saying "excuse me, excuse me" when they are colliding into me and they should be saying "excuse me". Same when crossing the street illegally. "oh, I'm texting, so I will do that while I walk kitty-corner illegally and totally ignore that car that needs to move." Or the crowd at the entrance of a store and can't decide whether to go in or not. I want to say "A decision today would be nice" but that's too snarky. Yes, I've read this has to do with brain development but it's still annoying.,

I would agree with you but did you see the recent horrifying story of a 50 something year old woman (principal of an elementary school), headphones on, stepped into a street (not the crosswalk) and was killed by a teenager. So, sadly and tragically, this goes both ways.
http://www.wusa9.com/rss/article/230406/158/Counselors-Brought-In-After-Va-Principal-Killed-In-Traffic-Accident

I find that teenagers are too engrossed in their phones, I-pods, clumsiness that they are always oblivious to others in a crowd. I find myself saying "excuse me, excuse me" when they are colliding into me and they should be saying "excuse me". Same when crossing the street illegally. "oh, I'm texting, so I will do that while I walk kitty-corner illegally and totally ignore that car that needs to move." Or the crowd at the entrance of a store and can't decide whether to go in or not. I want to say "A decision today would be nice" but that's too snarky. Yes, I've read this has to do with brain development but it's still annoying.,

Moody: This will sound a bit strange, but after having horses and other animals, I see the moodiness as external. When my female horse went into heat, her skin would get very sensitive (estrogen) and she would try to kick and bite me when I brushed her. Brushing a horse is a soothing activity that they love. Then she would get very angry over nothing. Just right in the middle of a routine she did everyday and loved to do, she would lay her ears back and get really mad and resistant. After her season was over, about a week, she would be back to her happy self --ready to go out, do routines, whatever.
Now when my teenage daughter gets crazy moody (and drives me bananas) I think, would you argue with a horse in this state of mind? Never. And try to be patient and sympathetic. To a certain extent they can't help it and do not relate it to their bodies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twisting words. "Can I go to Krista's after school?" "Yes, I'll pick you up at 5:30." ... "I'm sitting in Krista's driveway and nobody's answering the door; where are you?" "Oh, I'm at the mall with Sara and Scott; I thought you said I could go out after school." !!!

Is my DD with yours?

My DD is also hanging out with yours. Instead of twisting my words though, mine will say I said one thing, when I know I didn't. It's like I have to have a tape recorder through every conversation because otherwise it's "you didn't say that, you said this", always of course when I told her she couldn't do something and she does it anyway. Her comeback answer is "your getting old and losing your memory

+1 OH, they love that expression.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Twisting words. "Can I go to Krista's after school?" "Yes, I'll pick you up at 5:30." ... "I'm sitting in Krista's driveway and nobody's answering the door; where are you?" "Oh, I'm at the mall with Sara and Scott; I thought you said I could go out after school." !!!

Is my DD with yours?

My DD is also hanging out with yours. Instead of twisting my words though, mine will say I said one thing, when I know I didn't. It's like I have to have a tape recorder through every conversation because otherwise it's "you didn't say that, you said this", always of course when I told her she couldn't do something and she does it anyway. Her comeback answer is "your getting old and losing your memory

Anonymous wrote:Dad here w/2 daughters, 16 & 12. 12 yr old is a pretty good kid, does a little mischief now & then. Older girl is a punk. Disrespectful, slothful, lazy in every way. Smart kid, has all the intelligence in the world but refuses to use a grain of it. We do what we can with her/for her but living with her is 80% grief, like "where did I go so wrong?". She has gone through dozens of friends, most of them don't stick, they get tired of her aggressive behavior. If she stays like this, she gets kicked out of the house the day following HS graduation; if she manages to graduate. If not, soon after her 18th birthday. She can live on the street in a cardboard box. Sometimes I think if she were to run away, I would not look too hard for her. I would report her missing. I sure hate thinking that way about my kid. I'd love nothing better than to have back the sweet child she was for a short time. I hope that girl comes back. No, I have not been a perfect Dad either. I'd like to make some things up to her, given the chance.

Kids don't become like this for no reason, PP. Surely you know that. There are many things you can even for a 16 year old. You can start by looking at your own behavior, and asking yourself what you see reflected in your child. There may be something wrong physically with your child. Is she overweight? Does she play any sports? Do you take her out running or playing softball or basketball or whatever sport you like to play? How is her diet? Does she live on junk food and soda or eat a healthy diet with lean protein, fresh fruits and vegetables and low-fat, low-sugar whole grains? Do you sit in front of the TV or take your girls out with you? Do you take them to museums and concerts, to church, to visit other cities, on hikes in pretty places?

Children are a lot of work, and the teen years are exhausting and all encompassing. We have given up on having much of a life aside from our children during the teen years. They require too much, and this is such an important time in their lives. They are separating from us and trying to discover and define who they are. It's a very difficult, painful process, and our job is to help them through it, not run when their behavior becomes intolerable (which it almost always does!). Setting fair, but clear limits with your child, finding her a tutor if she's failing in school, maybe finding her a new school if necessary, can make a big difference. You can't depend on children to raise themselves. Teenagers need you even more than they did when they were toddlers. Then, all you had to do was keep them safe from harm. Now you have to protect them from themselves, as well as let them go, and it's all hard.

Don't give up on your child, PP. Find her the help she needs, and give her the support she needs, and clean up your own act if need be. None of us is perfect, but you can do better. If you don't no one will.

Anonymous wrote:My teen is pretty good so far. She doesn't use drugs or have sex and she tells me everything. But she has terrible mood swings and a really bad attitude sometimes. She feels like she doesn't have to do what I say anymore and she refuses sometimes. No punishment makes a difference because she is perfectly happy when she's grounded or when I take her phone or iPod away. Nothing fazes her because the important thing to her is winning an argument and that means she will just adapt when she loses privileges.

+1 We must have the same kid. mine drives me INSANE with her moodiness, whining, screaming about having nothing to wear when the ONLY shirt she can possibly wear is in the laundry. Recently, suddenly, she's become nicer, actually said something complimentary about me the other day, surprise surprise.

I do think that limits are very helpful to my DD. She seems to respond better when I do more active parenting. I think she feels safer and protected. I also started going over her homework every night, and studying with her when necessary (for a test), and this has made her less grumpy for some reason (although it's a PITA for me!). She could do it all herself, but isn't ready is my theory. But it's worth it to me to spend the time with her if it means she's not going to be such a horrible crank!! I really do understand why parents send 14 year olds to boarding school!