Anonymous wrote:We can't decide. Grandparents are too old, and my sibs have too much baggage. DH would name his sister, but she's across the country and seems very overwhelmed by her own kids - I don't adore her parenting style.

I have a good friend I'd love to name, mostly b/c her values are in line with ours and I've always admired how her parents raised her, but DH thinks it has to be family and, frankly, we never see her.

What does it entail to officially "name" someone? Can you set contingencies?

It does not have to be family. Our lawyer actually advised against us naming parents as in Our case get too old to be able to handle active boys. Fast forward 10 years later and one parent is Gone and one is in a nursing home. We also would want our kids to stay in the area so that ruled out siblings. We did name a sibling a guardian of the finances so their is some family involvement. Your lawyer in your will will state who is the guardian of the kids as well as any othe instructions. It is also a good idea to update your will every 5-7 years as your circumstances can change. Also naming a guardian should be done as soon as you have kids. If you die and have not named a guardian, the court will decide.

Anonymous wrote:Friends of ours. Grandparents are too old and neither of us trusts our siblings.

+1

My brother is first and then DH's sister. Of course, this implies that their spouses would also be guardians but didn't name them for two reasons--one, in case of divorce but also if something happened to DH, myself and my brother at the same time (God forbid), the last thing I want to do to my newly-widowed SIL is to add two more kids to raise to her plate.

To 19:19 - how did you talk to your friend about it? Is she single or married? Does she have her own kids?

Best friend from high school. She and her husband have values that resemble mine most closely. Family members are too old/dysfunctional.

We can't decide. Grandparents are too old, and my sibs have too much baggage. DH would name his sister, but she's across the country and seems very overwhelmed by her own kids - I don't adore her parenting style.

I have a good friend I'd love to name, mostly b/c her values are in line with ours and I've always admired how her parents raised her, but DH thinks it has to be family and, frankly, we never see her.

What does it entail to officially "name" someone? Can you set contingencies?

14:22 again. Our friend is childless, but we purposely didn't choose another dear friend and her spouse because they have sons who are 3 and 4 years older than our daughter. If the worst happened, and we died, we wouldn't want our daughter raised in a household of boys with whom she didn't identify as siblings and vice versa.

A life long trusted friend. She's married, but she would be the legal guardian. Mother in law would manage the money.

Husbands parents. they live very close by and our son already spends a lot of time with them several times a week so (unless we move) he would probably not have to change schools or anything. And they love him to death. Next is my husband's sister.

My BIL and SIL. It wouldn't be great, but no one on my side is able to do it, at all.

We did:

1) my parents
2) my sister who is next in age to me -- and her husgband
3) my next sister after that -- and her husband

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one. ?

We're in the same boat. Anyone out there find a solution if both sides of the family aren't options (abuse and alcoholism on both sides)?

We've been procrastinating because we don't have a good choice, but need to do something soon because no choice is worse. I have a single friend in her 40's who said she would gladly do it - stable good job, great person, good values. The only issue is she's single so there's an unknown if she ever marries.

Close friend is a good option. I don't think being unmarried is a dealbreaker. Some people also choose their nannies (again if the nanny is agreeable).

I haven't designated anyone. But my family is close and nearby and half of my children are of age to say where they want to go. If I actually wrote this down it would be:

-My parents
-My sister

We named my best friend as permanent guardian, and some local friends as temporary guardians (in the case that DH and I would both be temporarily unable to care for the kid but not permanently unable -- car accident as an example). We named my brother as executor and in charge of the money. I didn't put the kid with him as he married someone from another country and they now live there. DC doesn't speak the language, etc., and not a good fit with the uptight SIL.

My advice and that of our estate lawyer is to split up the financial and custodial responsibilities. Your kid could inherit millions -- think about it -- your retirement, life insurance, house, belongings, cars, everything. Could easily be $1M even with a normal middle class existence. Best to split that off so that people don't want custody just to get their hands on the kids' money.

We named SIL. She is an awesome mom and we know she will raise our kids the way we would (or better!).