I'm in a similar situation, except the other woman is not an ex but someone he met online. There hasn't been anything physical at this point that I can gather; he says they're just friends. There has been some very inappropriate communication. How long were you in therapy? Does he love you?

we are still in therapy, it is a good place for us to work through things, not just this. It has made us stronger, in part because we don't allow fights to take over our interaction. We know we have a place where we can hash stuff out.

He does love me.I don't doubt that, and never did. But he's not the most emotionally self-aware guy. I think he wasn't really interested in actually having an affair, he had an itch he wanted to scratch and thought he could do it and satisfy his curiosity, stroke his ego, add a little excitement to his life, with no harm done to us. I disabused him of that notion.

I also made it very, very clear that on the one hand, I was going to fight hard for our marriage, but on the other, I wasn't going to accept disrespectful behavior and I would prefer to be alone than to be used. Furthermore, we had a lot of discussions about boundaries. His are loose, mine are not. Meeting in the middle is not acceptable in this situation. NOw, We better understand each other. He thinks I was being 'overboard,' but I would prefer that he sees me as insecure than just sitting back and letting stuff happen. Because you know what? Stuff does happen. not many people consciously start out saying "I want to have an affair and blow up my marriage' but they allow themselves to get there.

Not true at all...what if someone 5'2 was riding in the car and a 6'4 person got in. I bet they'd have to move the seat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changes in the position of the passenger seat of the car.

Secrecy when writing on the computer. General disinterest in discussing your relationship. Missing condoms (no joke, that's how I found out...counted them during the afternoon, and then later in the day).

The first one is rather stupid. There are plenty of other people who have reason to be in my car other than someone with whom I may or may not be having an affair.
THe second one makes your D(H/W) rather stupid. Or careless.

actually, I don't think the first one is stupid. I ride in other people's cars often and I don't change the seat unless it's going to be a looong ride. I think most people leave the seat alone when they are guests in someone's car - unless they are very comfortable (i.e. affair) with the driver.

Anonymous wrote:Pussy face is a dead giveaway (assuming he hasn't been down on you recently).

Is this in reference to a prior post?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New phone behavior for sure.

Dh did not have an affair, but was in the beginning stages, I think (he denies it). He had the phone on him all the time-- if he got up at 4 am to switch beds (I'm nursing, he snores) he'd take it with him. And he put a passcode on it for the first time--then in the car asked me to make a call so told me the code. My suspicions aroused at this point, I later tried the code. Didn't work. He had changed it. So clearly, the passcode was to lock ME out. Found out through other means (email) that he was in contact with an ex in an inappropriate way. I blew my stack and then got us into couples therapy stat. I never mentioned the phone thing to him, how that got me suspicious--but I've noticed he no longer hides the phone, leaves it out and there's no code on it. I also leave mine out, no passcode. I know he occasionally reads my email and texts--and you know what? I don't care. I have nothing to hide.

I'm in a similar situation, except the other woman is not an ex but someone he met online. There hasn't been anything physical at this point that I can gather; he says they're just friends. There has been some very inappropriate communication. How long were you in therapy? Does he love you?

I would be worse than angry. A totally unacceptable way for a married man to behave. Do she even know he is married?

yes, he divulged it before their first meeting. Initially, she said she was only looking for friendship. But dh has made some sexual comments and she has taken the bait, so she made the comment about licking his body and coming to our house in the middle of the night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New phone behavior for sure.

Dh did not have an affair, but was in the beginning stages, I think (he denies it). He had the phone on him all the time-- if he got up at 4 am to switch beds (I'm nursing, he snores) he'd take it with him. And he put a passcode on it for the first time--then in the car asked me to make a call so told me the code. My suspicions aroused at this point, I later tried the code. Didn't work. He had changed it. So clearly, the passcode was to lock ME out. Found out through other means (email) that he was in contact with an ex in an inappropriate way. I blew my stack and then got us into couples therapy stat. I never mentioned the phone thing to him, how that got me suspicious--but I've noticed he no longer hides the phone, leaves it out and there's no code on it. I also leave mine out, no passcode. I know he occasionally reads my email and texts--and you know what? I don't care. I have nothing to hide.

I'm in a similar situation, except the other woman is not an ex but someone he met online. There hasn't been anything physical at this point that I can gather; he says they're just friends. There has been some very inappropriate communication. How long were you in therapy? Does he love you?

I would be worse than angry. A totally unacceptable way for a married man to behave. Do she even know he is married?

Pussy face is a dead giveaway (assuming he hasn't been down on you recently).

Anonymous wrote:New phone behavior for sure.

Dh did not have an affair, but was in the beginning stages, I think (he denies it). He had the phone on him all the time-- if he got up at 4 am to switch beds (I'm nursing, he snores) he'd take it with him. And he put a passcode on it for the first time--then in the car asked me to make a call so told me the code. My suspicions aroused at this point, I later tried the code. Didn't work. He had changed it. So clearly, the passcode was to lock ME out. Found out through other means (email) that he was in contact with an ex in an inappropriate way. I blew my stack and then got us into couples therapy stat. I never mentioned the phone thing to him, how that got me suspicious--but I've noticed he no longer hides the phone, leaves it out and there's no code on it. I also leave mine out, no passcode. I know he occasionally reads my email and texts--and you know what? I don't care. I have nothing to hide.

I'm in a similar situation, except the other woman is not an ex but someone he met online. There hasn't been anything physical at this point that I can gather; he says they're just friends. There has been some very inappropriate communication. How long were you in therapy? Does he love you?

New phone behavior for sure.

Dh did not have an affair, but was in the beginning stages, I think (he denies it). He had the phone on him all the time-- if he got up at 4 am to switch beds (I'm nursing, he snores) he'd take it with him. And he put a passcode on it for the first time--then in the car asked me to make a call so told me the code. My suspicions aroused at this point, I later tried the code. Didn't work. He had changed it. So clearly, the passcode was to lock ME out. Found out through other means (email) that he was in contact with an ex in an inappropriate way. I blew my stack and then got us into couples therapy stat. I never mentioned the phone thing to him, how that got me suspicious--but I've noticed he no longer hides the phone, leaves it out and there's no code on it. I also leave mine out, no passcode. I know he occasionally reads my email and texts--and you know what? I don't care. I have nothing to hide.

I bring my phone into the bathroom all the time, I enjoy a good game of whatever while taking a ..........