Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, in sum: people should not make comments on the composition of another person's family. It's rude and inappropriate. It is not a benign small talk topic like the weather. Why people do not understand this is beyond me.

and why people get annoyed by comments or questions like the ones bitched about here is beyond me. i think we would all be better off if we stopped reading too much into questions people ask to make conversation and just get over themselves. the truth is, very few people in the universe are out to get you.

They don't have to be out to get you. It is still completely normal to be annoyed and offended by a comment that implies or states outright that I should be disappointed by the gender composition of my family because such a comment is RUDE. You don't even have to read anything into a lot of these comments for them to be offensive! If someone asks "are you going to try for a [boy/girl]?" that's one thing, but that is not all people say. When I tell someone I'm having a boy and they say, "oh, I'm so sorry," or "oh, are you disappointed?", I shouldn't be offended by that? Because I've gotten both of those, and more. Just because someone is "trying to make conversation" or whatever their lame ass excuse is, does not mean they are not being uncouth.

no, i don't think you should be "offended" because some one asks you a question like that. i don't think it implies that you SHOULD be disappointed, it is just a question about how you feel about something. it is, in fact, a neutral question. if you had a boy and were pregnant with a girl, would you be offended by the same question? sure, you have the right to be annoyed and offended by just about anything, I guess. I just don't see why you want to be.

now, if someone looked at you and said "wow, that's going to be an ugly baby" THEN you can be offended.

But sometimes, it goes beyond just a question. Sometimes it's practically a DEMAND that I try for a boy [two girls here]. Hello, I'm 38 years old and I just had a baby. Do you really think I want to take the 1/6 risk of Downs just to try for a boy?! Anyways, I don't say that. I turn it around and tell them to try for [choose a gender], even if they are already grandmas.

Anonymous wrote:I have two girls and am pregnant with a third. I will find out what it is when it comes out. When I had my second girl, someone asked me if I was disappointed that she wasn't a girl. With this one, everyone is saying "I hope you get your boy" or "What does your husband want?"

I really don't care, I prefer a healthy baby to a penis or vagina. But if I do have a boy, I hope people have enough sense to not say in front of my 2nd child, "you finally got your boy" like she was some sort of disappointment.

They won't. Prepare yourself now.

I have two girls and am pregnant with a third. I will find out what it is when it comes out. When I had my second girl, someone asked me if I was disappointed that she wasn't a girl. With this one, everyone is saying "I hope you get your boy" or "What does your husband want?"

I really don't care, I prefer a healthy baby to a penis or vagina. But if I do have a boy, I hope people have enough sense to not say in front of my 2nd child, "you finally got your boy" like she was some sort of disappointment.

I have 2 boys and love it. Really thought I wanted a girl the second time around but LO is such a little sunshine. We will probably have a third. I'm a little scared to have a girl now! But like a PP said, I will get the kids I am supposed to have.

And speaking of stupid things people say, I had my oldest as an unwed teen mom. People still constantly asked when I would give him a sibling. Wow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, in sum: people should not make comments on the composition of another person's family. It's rude and inappropriate. It is not a benign small talk topic like the weather. Why people do not understand this is beyond me.

and why people get annoyed by comments or questions like the ones bitched about here is beyond me. i think we would all be better off if we stopped reading too much into questions people ask to make conversation and just get over themselves. the truth is, very few people in the universe are out to get you.

They don't have to be out to get you. It is still completely normal to be annoyed and offended by a comment that implies or states outright that I should be disappointed by the gender composition of my family because such a comment is RUDE. You don't even have to read anything into a lot of these comments for them to be offensive! If someone asks "are you going to try for a [boy/girl]?" that's one thing, but that is not all people say. When I tell someone I'm having a boy and they say, "oh, I'm so sorry," or "oh, are you disappointed?", I shouldn't be offended by that? Because I've gotten both of those, and more. Just because someone is "trying to make conversation" or whatever their lame ass excuse is, does not mean they are not being uncouth.

no, i don't think you should be "offended" because some one asks you a question like that. i don't think it implies that you SHOULD be disappointed, it is just a question about how you feel about something. it is, in fact, a neutral question. if you had a boy and were pregnant with a girl, would you be offended by the same question? sure, you have the right to be annoyed and offended by just about anything, I guess. I just don't see why you want to be.

now, if someone looked at you and said "wow, that's going to be an ugly baby" THEN you can be offended.

Anonymous wrote:I just say the dogs are boys. That usually shuts them up.

LOL, love it. For some reason, this is a perfectly normal question to ask strangers. I remember when my mom was pregnant with the third, that people would yell out, "hope the next one is a boy", as she walked along with me and my sister. I think there is this idea that you have one of each so you get to experience having both a daughter and a son.

But at the same time, there is a sort of identity around having any combination other than a boy and a girl spaced 2.2 -2.6 years apart. I find myself in conversations with other people with a sibling 15 months apart like my kids, strangers assure me it's hard at first, but they will be close friends. If someone has kids 5 years apart, I may find myself in conversation how they may be closer when they get older or my memories of being a lot older than my sisters. If someone has all girls, I feel like we have something in common because we have all girls. I imagine people with twins, three kids, four plus kids etc, have a perceived identity around that family configuration. In fact, I think most people tend to follow-up the least if you have one boy and one girl that it isn't unique in some way. Talking about family configuration identity, I think it is different for the dad that has all girls, not bad or that their life isn't complete without a son, just different. I know my DH gets way more attention taking the girls out to the mall by himself, than I would get with the girls, or he would get if he had two boys with him. There was also an article I remember reading that there were differences in boys raised in all boy households, versus boys raised in households with a sister. So anyway, I'm just saying these comments for better or worse have been around atleast 30 years since I can remember and I'm sure I have made silly twin questions that everyone asks just as I have gotten the trying for a boy comment.

three girls, maybe will try for a fourth, would be pleased as punch to have a boy- new experience! but love my girls and would love another girl just the same..