FBO
Post 06/20/2012 09:04     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Considering Cartiers will last a LONG time, think of it this way; he really only spent about $200/year for it to be on your wrist for the next 25 years. Have a daughter to pass it to? Even better.

Pretty good investment.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 08:54     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
A very wise, older woman once gave me some very good advice. She told me if your husband went out and picked something for you, you should keep it. Better to keep it (and it sounds like a very nice, classy, understated watch) than to hurt his feelings when he was trying to do something nice.

I'd keep it, and wear it well.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 08:06     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would be annoyed too OP. Having grown up with very little money, 5k is a ton of money to me to spend on something frivolous like a watch. Honestly, I would have probably returned it.


I agree with this too. I would be like, 'Gee, I am really grateful for the thought, but I do NOT need this, and we can spend 5K on lots of other things. Thank you soo much, honey, but let's spend it on. . . . .. a vacation together, or getting the house painted, or. . . blah blah blah."


Yep. I grew up in comfortable circumstances, but one of the reasons we were comfortable is that my parents were careful with money. Buying something expensive when I'd be just as happy with a less-expensive version makes no sense to me. I suppose it doesn't make sense to my DH, either, except that he is happier with the more-expensive version.

I've exchanged a fancy watch for a less-fancy one and returned diamond earrings. I still have some ruby-and-diamond earrings in a drawer, from when I wasn't comfortable telling him that I'd rather we spent the money another way.

I understand that it gives him pleasure to buy you things, but I don't understand why. It's a little messed up that he likes buying you things even though you would rather he didn't. Whose feelings is he paying attention to?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 07:51     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just turned 35, and my wonderful, caring DH bought me a beautiful watch (cartier). I absolutely love it, and it's a watch I would feel comfortable wearing all the time (ie, not diamond-crusted or anything)...and then I saw the balance on our credit card and realized he paid almost $5k for it. While we can afford it easily, I feel like this money could have been so much better spent on things on our house that we have plans for, or jeez, a college fund. I would have been happy with a watch that cost a fraction of this watch. I don't know how to bring it up, as in the past he's gotten really touchy about me returning his gifts (he feels like if he wants to give me a certain thing, regardless of the cost, then he should be able to get it for me). I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it a huge deal-should I just suck it up and keep the watch, or should I be honest and tell him I feel uncomfortable with the amount he paid?

WWYD?


yawn....,


your jealousy is showing!


not even close, it is just such a stupid dilemma.


I guess I'm having a hard time reconciling "easily afford" a 5K watch with why aren't we using the money for other things, college fund and house repairs, included. OP, maybe you and your husband need to discuss a budget. If you're bringing in enough money that several thousands on a watch is no biggie, but you're stressed about other expenses like paying for college, then maybe you and hubbie need to get on the same page about the ways you spend your moeny.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 07:48     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Anonymous wrote:Don't say a word except thank you. If you can afford it easily then why would you deliberately do something that you know will make him feel bad and ruin the gift and time and thought he put into into it?A few months from now you can have a discussion about expensive gifts and limits or saving but not now.

Many people spend far more than 5K on jewelry - engagement rings etc..


This. And if you can "easily afford it" then you can probably "easily afford" college funds - sounds like you don't have to choose. I would be gracious and thankful.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 07:23     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Is this guilt gift giving? Hmmm...
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 05:47     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
If the struggle isn't about sex, then it's about money. Welcome to married life.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 05:40     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Anonymous wrote:If you are not struggling for money why you're wondering other things to do with the money?

I call TROLL. If you can easily afford a 5K watch you would never be wondering about returning it for a college fund.


Are you the same poster who always "calls TROLL"? It's so nasty and boring. And are you also the "I call BS" poster? Really sets such a nasty tone.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 01:40     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just turned 35, and my wonderful, caring DH bought me a beautiful watch (cartier). I absolutely love it, and it's a watch I would feel comfortable wearing all the time (ie, not diamond-crusted or anything)...and then I saw the balance on our credit card and realized he paid almost $5k for it. While we can afford it easily, I feel like this money could have been so much better spent on things on our house that we have plans for, or jeez, a college fund. I would have been happy with a watch that cost a fraction of this watch. I don't know how to bring it up, as in the past he's gotten really touchy about me returning his gifts (he feels like if he wants to give me a certain thing, regardless of the cost, then he should be able to get it for me). I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it a huge deal-should I just suck it up and keep the watch, or should I be honest and tell him I feel uncomfortable with the amount he paid?

WWYD?


yawn....,


your jealousy is showing!


not even close, it is just such a stupid dilemma.


Is it a first world problem?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2012 01:38     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just turned 35, and my wonderful, caring DH bought me a beautiful watch (cartier). I absolutely love it, and it's a watch I would feel comfortable wearing all the time (ie, not diamond-crusted or anything)...and then I saw the balance on our credit card and realized he paid almost $5k for it. While we can afford it easily, I feel like this money could have been so much better spent on things on our house that we have plans for, or jeez, a college fund. I would have been happy with a watch that cost a fraction of this watch. I don't know how to bring it up, as in the past he's gotten really touchy about me returning his gifts (he feels like if he wants to give me a certain thing, regardless of the cost, then he should be able to get it for me). I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it a huge deal-should I just suck it up and keep the watch, or should I be honest and tell him I feel uncomfortable with the amount he paid?

WWYD?


yawn....,


your jealousy is showing!


not even close, it is just such a stupid dilemma.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2012 15:09     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
I would feel weird about it, especially given that he knows you do NOT like to "wear" your money. It is a bit controlling IMO. Especially now knowing that you are a SAH, I would say that him continuing to buy you things that he knows you disagree with is controlling. He holds the purse strings. You didn't go and decide to redo the playroom or the deck without his input, and probably couldn't, right? How would he feel if one day, he came home you you said, "surprise, I spent $5k redoing the backyard! Happy Father's day, now you can play catch out there with with the kiddos!"

I'm going to guess he wouldn't be happy with you.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2012 14:44     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
I have to be honest and say I went nuts several times on my husband when he bought me expensive stuff like that. I am just not the type who would enjoy expensive stuff worrying all the time it would be lost or stolen. I just returned the stuff and hurt my husband's feelings. He always buys me shirts and stuff when he travels with his buddies. I beg him not to but he does. We just live with it. I was raised really cheap and really poor....I can't get it out of my system.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2012 14:38     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
If you can afford it, let it go. My husband LOVES buying me gifts like this- and they are always things he puts a lot of thought and consideration into. I'm like you OP, and I think a lot of women are: we appreciate the security of HAVING the money rather than the beauty of the thing that money can buy. A lot of men are opposite though. They like to see their money. So, as much as you might like $4800, accept that it did make your husband happy, and it's not a total loss- at least you love the watch!
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2012 14:09     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
You probably can't return it at this point, if he had it engraved.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2012 14:01     Subject: distressed about birthday gift-am I being an ungrateful brat?
My husband bought me $1500 earrings for one of my birthdays. I loved them but felt uncomfortable wearing them. They cost more than our mortgage and were something that I would/could only wear on special nights out which we don't do very often. I didn't want to hurt his feelings because he had clearly thought long and hard about getting me something nice. After thinking about it for a few days, I told him, "I love them. I love you. They are just too expensive." We ended up returning them for a (much less expensive) pair of diamond studs that I can and do wear every single day.