Anonymous
Post 12/02/2013 14:28     Subject: Re:If you married the person you had affair with, do kids know?
Anonymous wrote:

OMG, I thought for a second you are my SIL or BIL. My Dh's dad left his mom when the kids were adults (19-22 years old ish) and married the woman he was having an affair with and they also make it sound like they just knew each other as friends but they've been married now for 20 years (though they don't have any kids together). Honestly when I met my FIL I was disgusted with him. Still am about all this. And they act like they are the victims. they constantly say "FIL walked out with the clothes on his back and one box" implying that MIL got everything and lived high on the hog after FIL left. When in fact she was devastated and knew of the affair and was willing to work on the marriage.

But in our case, I think everyone knows (I came into the family after they were already married) but no one talks about it and let FIL and stepMIL go on and on about how they started dating after his marriage broke up and how he walked out practically a pauper. Makes me sick.


Ugh. My father did something similar - left my mom when all the kids were grown to be with the woman he'd been having an affair with for years. My mother was also devastated. But that said, Mom certainly played her part in the dissolution of the marriage. And I've seen that Dad has really gone through some significant guilt about it all. I don't really carry around any strong feelings about what happened anymore.

But if Dad and his now-wife were pretending the affair didn't ever happen? Or worse, mythologizing his departure like he did some brave thing? I would lose. my. shit. That's just vulgar.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2013 14:25     Subject: If you married the person you had affair with, do kids know?
My father still lies to his second batch of kids about his wedding anniversary with their mom. They add a year or else the kids would figure out they got married a month before the birth of DC #1 LOL. Pregnant while still married to my mom.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2013 12:54     Subject: Re:If you married the person you had affair with, do kids know?
Anonymous wrote:My parents divorced when we were adults, so perhaps that makes a difference, but it was pretty easy to figure out. That being said, my mother told us what my father did while my father and my now stepmother make it sound like they just knew one another as friends for a long time and got together once both were separated. Funny thing is they didn't cover their tracks very well (that's how I confirmed who was telling the truth, although neither parent knows I know and how), although my stepsiblings still vehemently deny the "rumors" of the affair. I have yet to have the heart to break it to them!


OMG, I thought for a second you are my SIL or BIL. My Dh's dad left his mom when the kids were adults (19-22 years old ish) and married the woman he was having an affair with and they also make it sound like they just knew each other as friends but they've been married now for 20 years (though they don't have any kids together). Honestly when I met my FIL I was disgusted with him. Still am about all this. And they act like they are the victims. they constantly say "FIL walked out with the clothes on his back and one box" implying that MIL got everything and lived high on the hog after FIL left. When in fact she was devastated and knew of the affair and was willing to work on the marriage.

But in our case, I think everyone knows (I came into the family after they were already married) but no one talks about it and let FIL and stepMIL go on and on about how they started dating after his marriage broke up and how he walked out practically a pauper. Makes me sick.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2013 12:37     Subject: If you married the person you had affair with, do kids know?
My ex hasn't married her yet (but then divorce was just finalized). But if he does, I bet anything that the kids will know/put it together in a couple of years. There is no way that that home-wrecker will be allowed in my house at any point. And I won't be able to be nice towards her. At all. I won't be rude, or speak disparagingly about either of them. But, I won't sugar coat it and make it seem like all it's okay. Hell, I'm hardly nice to my ex and he is a great father to my kids. We keep it at being civil to each other. And I'm already in a relationship myself, but it'll be a long time before I'm ready to introduce him to my kids.