Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, from the other side . . .

Have tried to pick out gifts for DIL that she would like, and of magnitude similar to those given to DS. And apparently she does like them, judging from her use of most of them. But no acknowledgment other than a short "thank you" as the gift is received.

And she recently told us she doesn't really consider us her family. Don't think she meant this to be hurtful, just a statement of obvious (to her) fact.

Likewise, I sometimes buy clothes for grandkids, which are often not acknowledged. FWIW our tastes are similar, and the kids do wear the clothes I choose. Sufficient reward, I guess.

She's a very "private" person (which I am too, though not like that) and my best guess is she finds the intimacy of a carefully chosen gift too intrusive. Maybe I'd do better to give $.

So, it cuts both ways.

You are looking for faults even where there are none. She thanks you and actually uses what you give her to show you she enjoys the present.

Also, do you consider "thank yous" for your grandkids' gifts to be solely your DILs' responsibility? Because it is equally your son's.

Sure they see us as family - whenever they need something. And yes, they do treat us all the same - we all equally receive nothing from them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, from the other side . . .

Have tried to pick out gifts for DIL that she would like, and of magnitude similar to those given to DS. And apparently she does like them, judging from her use of most of them. But no acknowledgment other than a short "thank you" as the gift is received.

And she recently told us she doesn't really consider us her family. Don't think she meant this to be hurtful, just a statement of obvious (to her) fact.

Likewise, I sometimes buy clothes for grandkids, which are often not acknowledged. FWIW our tastes are similar, and the kids do wear the clothes I choose. Sufficient reward, I guess.

She's a very "private" person (which I am too, though not like that) and my best guess is she finds the intimacy of a carefully chosen gift too intrusive. Maybe I'd do better to give $.

So, it cuts both ways.

You are looking for faults even where there are none. She thanks you and actually uses what you give her to show you she enjoys the present.

Could be. I do wonder about this.

they are very kind to me. They do send us money on our birthdays and on holidays. At this point, I wish they wouldn't, knowing that they are living on 2 small salaries after my FIL lost his job last year (he was the president of a credit union) and have my BIL and his 2 kids living with them.

I know they went out of their way in christmases past to split the money evenly between the two sons and me. The boys both complained jokingly that their checks were less now that I was part of the family. But, again, I wish they wouldn't even bother with the money. They have been supporting my BIL for 10 years now, and it seems silly to even give him money considering the circumstances.

As for getting money as gifts from family, it's better than trinkety crap that you may or may not even like. When my family gives money, we can chose what we do with it - dinner, a gadget, savings. I much prefer that.

My in-laws give equal gifts, but I know they don't care for me. The gifts are $50 gift cards for both Christmas and birthdays.

Anonymous wrote:Well, from the other side . . .

Have tried to pick out gifts for DIL that she would like, and of magnitude similar to those given to DS. And apparently she does like them, judging from her use of most of them. But no acknowledgment other than a short "thank you" as the gift is received.

And she recently told us she doesn't really consider us her family. Don't think she meant this to be hurtful, just a statement of obvious (to her) fact.

Likewise, I sometimes buy clothes for grandkids, which are often not acknowledged. FWIW our tastes are similar, and the kids do wear the clothes I choose. Sufficient reward, I guess.

She's a very "private" person (which I am too, though not like that) and my best guess is she finds the intimacy of a carefully chosen gift too intrusive. Maybe I'd do better to give $.

So, it cuts both ways.

You are looking for faults even where there are none. She thanks you and actually uses what you give her to show you she enjoys the present.

Well, from the other side . . .

Have tried to pick out gifts for DIL that she would like, and of magnitude similar to those given to DS. And apparently she does like them, judging from her use of most of them. But no acknowledgment other than a short "thank you" as the gift is received.

And she recently told us she doesn't really consider us her family. Don't think she meant this to be hurtful, just a statement of obvious (to her) fact.

Likewise, I sometimes buy clothes for grandkids, which are often not acknowledged. FWIW our tastes are similar, and the kids do wear the clothes I choose. Sufficient reward, I guess.

She's a very "private" person (which I am too, though not like that) and my best guess is she finds the intimacy of a carefully chosen gift too intrusive. Maybe I'd do better to give $.

So, it cuts both ways.

My in-laws give my DH and DS $26,000 yr - the current amount of the gift tax exemption. I don't mind at all. DS college and grad schools are paid for and we don't have to worry about it. He will be 5 this yr.

My mother-in-law and I get along great. I speak to her frequently and she's been very kind and supportive when I had a miscarriage, much nicer than my own mom. Maybe, it's b/c we are the only women in our families - all boys. I don't expect to be treated financially equally as DS and DH since my parents don't treat my DH, their son-in-law, like me their only daughter.

I love my In Laws and it's mutual. The first time I went down there for a visit, anywhere i went its "Oh YOU'RE Diana's DIL! We hear about you ALL the time." Even at the pharmacy. It was sweet.

My in-laws are very Passive-Aggressive. I am left out of all things(emails/photos/even conversations when I am in the room) I do get a birthday card, but hardly comparable to what they give DH. Our DCs(DS and DD) both first grandkids are treated differently(read:less important) than their cousins. We live the furthest. I guess it's out of sight out of mind kind of thing.

In my family you'd be luck to get a card. We are unique we like the inlays but the are not and never will be blood.

All the posters who are not treated the same, do you get along with your spouse's siblings?

Love my ILs. They are divorced. FIL is sweet as can be and always telling me what wonderful parents we are. His wife buys crazy gifts for me and DH but is always spot on with the kids. My MIL not only gives me great gifts, they are usually very close to what she gives her daughter. I usually help guide the gift giving for DH as she has spent too much money on random stuff in the past. She also randomly sends me things like purses, nice ones, throughout the year. I talk with MIL much more than DH and have vacationed with her and my kids and other extended members of DH's family without DH. I probably would not do that with FIL and his family but it is not because they would not welcome me.

I feel pretty lucky that DH has a warm and welcoming family.