Sorry, I'm the SAHP who replied and was a bit off-focus. I didn't read that your spouse was working full time, too.

I still think that a family discussion is in order. You both need to come to an agreement (even if it is to agree to disagree) about priorities. The truth is, the house needs work, typically X minutes a day and X hours a week. Work also requires X hours a day and week. Children, family, and couples need time together, too. You do need to get your priorities down and negotiate from a position of mutual respect.

I did and now do work, as well, and I understand that my husband's salary floats us. That being said, he still does a tremendous amount of domestic work (cooking, technology, some of the finances, bedtime) on top of that simply because these things need to be done. When his work gets hectic, he gets more slack. I also get ladies' nights off now and then, and we also afford each other an evening to ourselves (I mean, alone) so we can do whatever the heck we want without having to answer to or negotiate with the other. This is the system that helps us blow off steam and keep things running smoothly emotionally.

Anyway, the point is life requires certain things, and there are only so many hours in the day and week. You need to think of each other as being a team. If laundry is done at night, then you both fold while watching TV. Or you hire someone (you know there are laundromats where you can bring bags of laundy and pick them up the next day, right?). Anyway, money doesn't afford you the right to pile work from your plate onto the lower wage earner. It's really about teamwork, priorities, and time and keeping the family unit happy and healthy.

Absolutely being unfair. Without a doubt. DH and I both work, I make less than half of what he does, but I work b/c I enjoy it and to keep up my skill-set incase (god forbid) something happens to him and I have to support us.

We both created DD and we both parent. Yes one might have a longer day than the other, and we balance the parenting on those days accordingly, and sometimes the dishes don't get done, or the floor isn't vacuumed, but that's life.

OP is being unfair. I work, as does DH, and we could choose to live on his salary (albeit not as nicely as we do with his and mine combined), but I chose to keep working because it's fulfilling and I don't have a career that you can just take time off to raise a family for and jump back into X years later. DH, however, works from home, so he's spared the 3+ hours worth of commuting I have to do every day. That's the dividing line: He can do laundry, etc., around his work and has more hours in the day than I do because of his lack of a commute. Therefore he takes on some additional responsibilities that feel more in my ballpark pre-baby. It was tough going at first, but this isn't about money, it's about time and what you both want/need. OP, if you continue to hold this over your DH's head like this, you had been find yourself a divorce attorney.

Didn't read all the previous posters, but when we were first married, I made about 50% more than DH and I still did all the laundry, house keeping, dishes, etc... After a job switch post baby, we now make exactly the same -- which means we split the household chores 50/50. I do more child-rearing, but he does the dishes, cleans, etc. It's a partnership and everyone pitches in where needed -- it's not about divvying up responsibility and making sure every contributes x amount.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by the responses so far. I think if one parent is bringing home the money it's fair for the other parent to do more of the housework, regardless of genders. It sounds like this couple has too much on the plate and maybe the parent making less should think about working part-time.

I agree with this. It's time to grow up,stop being greedy and be a parent. I'm sure sure he was thinking he would pitch in more when he was making thatbaby but now that reality is here isn't so much fun anymore.

Sounds like he does the lion's share already and is over it and OP likes the original arrangement and is annoyed that he grew a spine.

I make less than my husband, but continue to work because it is personally satisfying, and because I enjoy my work. No matter which way you cut it, parenting is also work and if you want to talk about choices, BOTH of you chose that job - can you just choose to not do it or to do less of it? I think there should be more room to be flexible toward your spouse on this.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by the responses so far. I think if one parent is bringing home the money it's fair for the other parent to do more of the housework, regardless of genders. It sounds like this couple has too much on the plate and maybe the parent making less should think about working part-time.

I agree with this. It's time to grow up,stop being greedy and be a parent. I'm sure sure he was thinking he would pitch in more when he was making thatbaby but now that reality is here isn't so much fun anymore.

The issue is not who is making more money. The issue is who is working outside of the home more hours. Whoever has a job that demands less hours-wise should be doing more at home. You should both be working the same amount when you combine at-home hours and at-work hours. Forget the money.