Anonymous wrote:


The nice home will do it every time!

Unfortunately, this is true. I didn't notice any envy until we moved into our upgraded home 4 years ago. However, I am grateful to the Lord Jesus Christ for everything we have.

You dad yelling your & sister's kids more could be because he feels he can yell at, and indirectly insult, the mother's parenting. Whereas the father gets a free pass. The fact that your brother is well off may just be another reason to give him a pass in your father's eyes.

Anonymous wrote:As a parent reading this, I just cannot fathom valuing one child more than the other. I know in my heart that I will never head down that path. My boys are very different, one easy, one very difficult, but I appreciate them both. I appreciate my difficult boy for his spunk, determination, and independence and I appreciate the diplomacy and positive nature of my "easy" child.

If one is living in a gutter and one in a castle one day, I know I will value each of them for their unique qualities. Reading this stuff is pretty sad.

I can't imagine treating my children differently either. If one is a "failure" and another is a huge "success" financially, well, I will continue to love them equally as I do now. My children are so different, so I'm certain they will have very different economic outcomes and lifestyles, but vive la difference! I will continue to cherish them as I always have, no matter how much money they have or don't have. It's so sad to read these stories, just such a waste of energy. Life is too short for such pettiness.

My brother earns about 4x as much as I do and my parents kiss his ass. They're hoping to get something out of him, but in reality, him and his wife are getting a ton of free babysitting out of them.

My sibling and their spouse are "successful" in superficial ways. They own a million dollar house in an affluent area. They make good income. They're married, and have one lovely child. But I don't think they're successful as human beings.

They believe the world revolves around them. They're more interested in what other people can do for them, than what they can do for others. They've been married for only a couple of years, but already have ongoing issues. Their marriage is based a lot on manipulation, money, and threats (not violent threats - but threats nevertheless). Both of them fit very well in the DC area - but it doesn't speak to their "success" as unkind, unethical human beings and how they treat others (including myself, but including lots and lots of others) - they've failed in that regard.

The nice home will do it every time!

DH and I are the successful ones in our family. In-laws like to judge us on why we bought a big home, take multiple vacations, renovate, our childcare options, etc. I see it as a blessing we can afford our life and help out those we love. I didn't grow up wealthy and really value the effort I put in to make a paycheck and provide for my family. DH's family grew up wealthy with no work ethic, except for DH. My own family is very supportive and not jealous at all.

MIL coddles SIL, and it has NOT done one piece of good. SIL is a lazy, entitled, flat affect witch; who would turn on you on a dime.

DH has done quite well for himself, as did I (separately, though they do not know) - and SIL and MIL definitely resent him. Two peas in a pod.

I realized I am very lucky.

In our family - if one sibling is successful they will help out other siblings. If one sibling is doing poorly - all others will help to the best of our abilities. We have each other's back. Success of one in the family means success for everyone.

My parents treat all of us equally.

No. My parents have always treated all three of us as equal as possible. We vary vastly on how we've ended up and the paths we've taken. I sometimes feel guilty because DH and I are now very, very high earners---and my parents will still treat us to things, send us $ on bdays, shower grandkids with gifts, etc. There is no inequity. My one sibling has struggled more and i would understand if they were to help him more--if they do I don't know about it.

DH's family, on the other hand, coddles his sibling that can't get it together. His mom gave them her house, his aunt gave them a car, DH gives them $. My MIL spends so much time and effort on their children. It bothers me (though I would never voice it to him). What bothers me is not that they are given $--but that she invests all that time and $ in those grandkids and rarely comes to see ours. She is missing an entire relationship with her other grandkids. She will take this kid on trips to amusement parks across country, spend the summer with him--but can't make it to see us. I know part of it is she wants him to get to do these things his parents can't do for him--but still--she's leaving out her other grandkids The other thing that bugs me is they make really stupid choices with whatever $ they get---material crap instead of investments and paying bills. There- thanks for letting me vent.

My siblings and I are very close and very close to my parents and I think it is because even if they had a favorite none of us would ever know.

My two boys are very close and I try to treat them as equally as possible.

My parents don't favor one over the other due to financial success. They do give more of their meager resources to the one who is struggling.

My father equally bashes federal workers (which I am) and welfare recipients (which my sister is) in general. But doesn't seem to understand why that would upset us, because he doesn't mean us specifically.

Our neighbors are like this to their one child who isn't as successful as the two others and so we try to spend extra time with them whenever this family comes to visit. Not sure what else you can do except just not let it bother you. It doesn't sound like it's worth your time getting upset over something that's their own fault.

I may possibly be from a different faith, being a Muslim, but I would have to say that The God tests you and your patience with this grief, but remember, you can always learn from it. The God always encourages equality, and it is a grief sin to skew ones attention towards someone else more just because he/she has an advantage over the other. In Islam, there it may be that Polygamy is allowed but in exactly these words

If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.
—Qur'an, Sura 4 (An-Nisa), Ayah 3[1]

If The God doesn't allow skewness between spouses a man takes, how would he allow such a thing between ones children. Because one should remember, one is not in control of the circumstances he grew up in. Those are in control of The God. It is he who decides how much opportunities you will get in life. Some may get less, some more. But it is the responsibility of the Parent to be just towards all their children, and make sure that no one is left to feel insecure or mistreated. This is one of the Greatest Tests of this life.

When you are given the opportunity of being a Parent, try being just, or even supportive towards the less blessed of your children, as they are in most need of motivation and love. The God gives you the opportunity of evolving into a better parent than your own parents this way. And you'd be a better person for that.

May the blessings of The One True God be upon you

I have a brother who is big time successful in his profession, very rich, getting called all the time by important people you read about in the paper. He's always bragging too. But his three kids are a nightmare, two of them have attempted suicide, and his wife is a 400 lb. Nazi. So, his idea of being a success is not the same as mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent reading this, I just cannot fathom valuing one child more than the other. I know in my heart that I will never head down that path. My boys are very different, one easy, one very difficult, but I appreciate them both. I appreciate my difficult boy for his spunk, determination, and independence and I appreciate the diplomacy and positive nature of my "easy" child.

If one is living in a gutter and one in a castle one day, I know I will value each of them for their unique qualities. Reading this stuff is pretty sad.

Would you hope your castle boy helps out his gutter-dwelling brother?

Yes, of course.

I'm the successful sibling (MY success, not because I married a success) and I've always helped both of my siblings out...both by stroking checks and a roof over their heads at various times in their lives. I value a tight family.