Anonymous
08/09/2015 14:37
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Anonymous wrote:Tell MIL that your nanny has DC on a regular schedule of activities, playdates, etc. and that you do not want the schedule disrupted by weekday visits. If she persists, tell her that disrupted weekday visits could very well mean no weekends visits with MIL. You can be very nice and polite with her when you tell her, but keep your tone firm, and don't hedge or waffle, or your MIL will think she has wiggle room.
I'd try a weekday visit once a week and skip the weekend visit. If Nanny can handle it, it might be easier on everyone.
Anonymous
08/09/2015 14:21
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Anonymous wrote:You "may" want to let MIL see your DC once a week w/ the nanny there "if" you can get out of taking DC to see MIL on the weekends. Sounds like it might be a "win-win" for both of you.
For everyone but the nanny!
Anonymous
08/09/2015 14:20
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Anonymous wrote:HI All! I have an issue and I want to know how to handle it gracefully. I do not get a long with my MIL at all -- we are civil to each other and i see her often, but I really can't stand her. I don't think she likes me either, but we ACT like we get along when we are face to face. I view her as intrusive, pushy, bossy, manipulative, lying, etc. I see her once a week for family time and that is about all I can stand. She gets to see DS once a week too -- sometimes more. She fawns over DS A LOT! ANyway, in the past she has been very nosy, intrusive, and tries to tell me and DH what to do and how to raise DS.
Me and DH both work full time out of the home and we have a nanny who is VERY nice. MIL is now asking if she can come over to our house to see DS during the week when only the nanny is there. Keep in mind MIL see DS EVERY weekend!! We make a HUGE effort to take DS to her house every Sunday. I am not comfortable with MIL coming to our home when we are not there. God only knows what she will say or do to our poor nanny. She has a history of bossing "the help" around -- whether it be a waiter, a cleaning person or a nanny, she is very demanding, etc. I am afraid she will bother the nanny, tell her what to do, ask her personal questions about me and DH and how we raise DS.
So, I do not want MIL there with my nanny and DS unless either my husband or I am there too. How do I gracefully and nicely tell MIL that she can't come over if we are not there??
Whenever I read a post like this I always wonder how the evil IL would describe the OP. Like are they oblivious and think the OP is totally awesome or would is the feeling mutual and both the OP and the IL are miserable human beings that can't function as grown ups and get along.
As for this situation let her see her grandchild as much as she wants. Even better you aren't there to be offended by her. She'll likely die long before you or your DC and then you can pop some champagne, but at least your DC will have gotten time with his grandparent.
Bonus: If it becomes intrusive or upsetting to your nanny you can blame it all on the nanny and your MIL can't "hold it against you". Win/Win
Anonymous
08/09/2015 14:19
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Anonymous wrote:OP here, but what is my excuse?? I can't say "because you are nosey and intrusive!"
You're the Mommy now. You get to say "because I said so" and leave it at that. Where are your DH's balls in all of this
Anonymous
08/09/2015 14:17
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Anonymous wrote:I think this is a win scenario. Why cant she see DS when you're not home and then skip the weekends? I would totally do this.
Just give nanny a heads up and ask her how it goes. If nanny has negative feedback tell DH and end it.
This post is three years old.
Anonymous
08/09/2015 14:14
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
I think this is a win scenario. Why cant she see DS when you're not home and then skip the weekends? I would totally do this.
Just give nanny a heads up and ask her how it goes. If nanny has negative feedback tell DH and end it.
Just give nanny a heads up and ask her how it goes. If nanny has negative feedback tell DH and end it.
Anonymous
03/15/2013 00:04
Subject: Re:MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
I feel like could find any answer on DCUM. I am going through OP's situation right now - so far unsuccessful. Bored, intrusive MIL wants to come visit during the week. I work in the office upstairs, nanny and baby are downstairs. I am unsuccessfully trying to decline the visits... OP can you update on your situation?
Anonymous
05/16/2012 06:07
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Nanny here. I've dealt with wonderful grandparents and rude grandparents. With either, I've never had trouble saying "sorry grandparent, we're going out to do x right now" or "this is nap time". If they get too pushy or annoying, I just leave. But, not every nanny has the personality to push back against pushy people.
The most annoying visitors are the ones who tell me what to do and/or make giant messes and expect me to clean up after them.
Talk to your nanny. She may be fine with visits if she can leave the house or tell them to buzz off if they cross the line.
The most annoying visitors are the ones who tell me what to do and/or make giant messes and expect me to clean up after them.
Talk to your nanny. She may be fine with visits if she can leave the house or tell them to buzz off if they cross the line.
Anonymous
05/16/2012 04:25
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Anonymous wrote:HI All! I have an issue and I want to know how to handle it gracefully. I do not get a long with my MIL at all -- we are civil to each other and i see her often, but I really can't stand her. I don't think she likes me either, but we ACT like we get along when we are face to face. I view her as intrusive, pushy, bossy, manipulative, lying, etc. I see her once a week for family time and that is about all I can stand. She gets to see DS once a week too -- sometimes more. She fawns over DS A LOT! ANyway, in the past she has been very nosy, intrusive, and tries to tell me and DH what to do and how to raise DS.
Me and DH both work full time out of the home and we have a nanny who is VERY nice. MIL is now asking if she can come over to our house to see DS during the week when only the nanny is there. Keep in mind MIL see DS EVERY weekend!! We make a HUGE effort to take DS to her house every Sunday. I am not comfortable with MIL coming to our home when we are not there. God only knows what she will say or do to our poor nanny. She has a history of bossing "the help" around -- whether it be a waiter, a cleaning person or a nanny, she is very demanding, etc. I am afraid she will bother the nanny, tell her what to do, ask her personal questions about me and DH and how we raise DS.
So, I do not want MIL there with my nanny and DS unless either my husband or I am there too. How do I gracefully and nicely tell MIL that she can't come over if we are not there??
This: from a DH. Tell your DH to take his kid to go visit mom on the Sunday if he wants. You go get your nails done or sleep or whatever.
At some point your child will have other things to do anyway. There is no need to see grandparents every week.
Anonymous
05/16/2012 00:52
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
BTW - I hate my MIL
Anonymous
05/16/2012 00:51
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Tell her "I'm sorry, but that just wouldn't be appropriate with the nanny and all" (AFTER you tell the nanny in advance that it's not kosher and you plan to say no).
OR, you could just blame it on the nanny like "sorry, but the nanny just would not be comfortable, which is typical I suppose, they like to work alone."
OR, you could just blame it on the nanny like "sorry, but the nanny just would not be comfortable, which is typical I suppose, they like to work alone."
Anonymous
05/16/2012 00:32
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
I'm a nanny who has a pushy, annoying aunt visit the kids from time to time. Often after the visits she will call the parents and report on the kids and me. What helped immensely was when the mom told me privately, "don't listen to anything she says. You're the nanny, and I know how she is. We're your bosses, not her." After she told me this, a big weight was lifted from me and I can tolerate the aunt now and I can let her rude comments run off my back.
Anonymous
05/15/2012 23:04
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
OP, I'm a bit biased as I have a difficult MIL and I can't tell you how much I regret allowing her anywhere around our nanny, back when we had a nanny, without one of us being present.
MIL was awful to our nanny when she was allowed to interact directly with her. She was very rude, making comments that she thought our nanny wouldn't understand as English was her second language. I had to do a LOT of damage control, and after FIL died (he was a behavior buffer for MIL) I put a stop to those visits entirely.
If MIL isn't someone you'd want alone with your DS, and if MIL isn't someone you'd want interfering in your relationship with your nanny, just say no. Your DH should be the one to do this, but if he can't or won't, then you need to. Don't lie, don't give excuses. Just say, "no, that's not possible. See you Sunday."
MIL was awful to our nanny when she was allowed to interact directly with her. She was very rude, making comments that she thought our nanny wouldn't understand as English was her second language. I had to do a LOT of damage control, and after FIL died (he was a behavior buffer for MIL) I put a stop to those visits entirely.
If MIL isn't someone you'd want alone with your DS, and if MIL isn't someone you'd want interfering in your relationship with your nanny, just say no. Your DH should be the one to do this, but if he can't or won't, then you need to. Don't lie, don't give excuses. Just say, "no, that's not possible. See you Sunday."
Anonymous
05/15/2012 19:59
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
What hapened, OP?
Anonymous
05/14/2012 18:55
Subject: MIL problem -- wants to come see DS when I am not home
Good Lord -- did I right this post and forget?!?!
Let her come. BUT tell the nanny in advance if that woman is rude or does anything out of line to let you know immediately. and tell your husband (because mine would be like yours!) that he is to tell her in advance that she has to be nice, kind and respectful of the nanny.
Let her come. BUT tell the nanny in advance if that woman is rude or does anything out of line to let you know immediately. and tell your husband (because mine would be like yours!) that he is to tell her in advance that she has to be nice, kind and respectful of the nanny.