If you can manage it in a non-manipulative way, I completely agree you shouldn't hide all of the sacrifices you've made for your children from them. It's good for them to know. The key is in the "if" clause. Do it in a manipulative way, and you're turning a helpful, instructive exercise into an abusive one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make it very clear that the whole family is making sacrifices for private school. It cuts down on the "why aren't we going to Costa Rica for spring break" whine fests.

I have no problem with my middle school/high school aged kids knowing we place a premium on education and as a result, we don't drive a fancy car or take big vacations, etc...

If that makes me a tiger mom, I'm ok with that.

I think a tiger mom would say that she's paying a lot for your education and therefore you owe her straight As.

why you get F in gender?

lol - "We are A-sian, not B-sian"

You want credit card? Too bad, you get library card.

Anonymous wrote:Wow I just did it an hour ago. My daughter was asking why did we not have a nicer house like the one we had just visited and wouldn't be nice we lived in a more upscale neighborhood. I just let loose about how hard I had to work to just keep us where we were let alone move up and that she should learn to appreciate what she had because it be a whole lot worse. We moved to an much more upscale out of boundary school in DC this year and I have struggled, as have my kids at how wide the gap can be, but I also think kids need to understand that they should appreciate what their parents, teachers, adult mentors do give to them.

Look at it from her perspective: she asks a legitimate question, and you "let loose" on her. How is she supposed to know unless she asks? Now if she had asked this repeatedly, I could understand it. But I think your reaction was likely because due to your insecurities about your socioeconomic position relative to some of your neighbors. You could also just have said "because we make less money". Asked and answered. It will always come up....

We live in an "upscale" neighbhorhood--in a roughly $1.75m house. DS 2 friends lives several streets away in a roughly $2m and $4m houses (yeah...wow, they're NICE houses). He asked me the same thing. I told him the same thing I mentioned above: the Jones/Smiths make more money, most likely. Next question.

Doesn't mean they don't appreciate what they have. But don't most of us, kids included, want nicer things? Wouldn't you like the nicer house? Whether that's an upgrade from $100k to $200k, or from $3m to $6m, that's kind of human nature--it doesn't necessarily preclude one from being happy where you are, either.

No, I don't put a guilt trip on him, but I do let him know that things cost money and there are things that we can and can not afford.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make it very clear that the whole family is making sacrifices for private school. It cuts down on the "why aren't we going to Costa Rica for spring break" whine fests.

I have no problem with my middle school/high school aged kids knowing we place a premium on education and as a result, we don't drive a fancy car or take big vacations, etc...

If that makes me a tiger mom, I'm ok with that.

I think a tiger mom would say that she's paying a lot for your education and therefore you owe her straight As.

why you get F in gender?

lol - "We are A-sian, not B-sian"

I don't think it is motivation, it is guilt. Terrible

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these examples are about older kids. Having expectations for older kids and them knowing your basic financial status makes perfect sense. The OP's example is a 6 year old. Totally different worlds.

15:38 here: My 6 year old was able to understand that piano lessons were an expensive choice, and if he didn't want to practice he could choose a class at the recreation center instead. He chose to try something else, which was fine by me. Like I said, I wouldn't make that offer unless I didn't have a strong preference either way.

I wouldn't use this for school, unless I really didn't have a preference between public or private and could afford both.