Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:05     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
OP, after reading this thread, I started a post that gave you the benefit of the doubt, as I read it that the other girl was not the only one excluded because your DD had a very small party. The way I read it, there were several others excluded and this one girl only became an issue because your DD was invited to her party. That just presents an awkward situation--do you tell your DD that she can't have the party she really wants because you can't afford to invite everyone at $50 a head? Or pick something more affordable so that you can avoid hurt feelings of your DD's classmates?

But after reading your responses, I have no desire to defend you as I have no doubt that if your daughter is as mean as you are, she enjoyed hurting this girl's feelings. What terrible values to instill in your child.

And, by the way, spending $50 per head on a child's birthday party is just plain stupid.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:05     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.



well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.



Did your DD attend her party?



She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.


My daughter doesn't have a potty mouth. But you know, I'd rather she did, than that she acted like a mean little bitch.



Excuse me? Would you like to retract that comment you just made about my child? That finger you just pointed at my child? Take a look at your hand. Three fingers point back at you.

Deciding you don't wish to have a running commentary about feces and gastrointestinal noises at your birthday party is actually a pretty sound reason in my book. Had dd offered up some lesser articulated reason or no reason at all I probably would have pushed harder. But at 7, they're old enough to make guest list selections without the interference of a helicopter mother.


It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. Feel free not to invite me to your next party.

Wrong. This is not "an unfortunate sequence of events." This is plain old bad parenting.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:05     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


My sons definitely wouldn't have been invited!
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:04     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


I have to laugh at this. You literally have a justification for everything your child does. Is there no bad behavior that you won't justify?

"In her head, it was fine to upright the scooter and knock that other child off. Considering the time and place, it was okay for her. It was an unfortunate sequence of events. I am letting her suffer the consequences and navigate the situation."

Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:04     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.



I'm sorry you think a 7 yo is incapable of making her own social decisions. But I guess that's to be expected in this area.

Am I to understand you would insist your child invite another child she doesn't want to a party? Really?
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:04     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.


+1 You had a valuable teaching moment, and you completely squandered it. Even worse, I think that you don't even realize that you parented poorly.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:04     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


This is definitely my sticking point with this story. You let your DD attend he other girl's party. Why wasn't the poop talk a problem there?? Just meanness on your part. Terrible.


ITA. If the poop talk is SO offensive, your DD should not have gone to her party either. You are just plain rude and training your daughter to be the same way.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 13:02     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
AnonymousThe fact that you are standing behind a bitchy, exclusive decision that your child made make you, in fact, a helicopter mother. I hope one day your prissy daughter gets excluded for something stupid and maybe then you'll get it. But you probably won't. Keep on justifying how it is ok to be mean to other children. It will bite both of your in the behind one day. [/quote wrote:

Wow, you are full of assumptions today, aren't you.

For starters, I'm not a mother. Where did you get the idea that I am a mother?

Secondly, what is with your compulsion to call my child names? It's like the third or fourth one you've chosen. You've never met my child. Would you like to explain what childhood trauma is contributing to this character defect of yours?

Thirdly, how is this mean? I told her she probably should have reciprocated the invitation (even though hers were sent before receiving the other girls'), but are you saying these reciprocations are OBLIGATORY? They are not. She chose not to. Now she has to manage the consequences of that herself. Again, it's not like one girl out of a class of 15 was excluded. Rather, a small handful were invited.

Again, I'm not sure what's wrong in your life that you can conjure up so much hatred and assign so much malice to my daughter. But I hope you figure that shit out. Peace be upon you.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 12:59     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


This is definitely my sticking point with this story. You let your DD attend he other girl's party. Why wasn't the poop talk a problem there?? Just meanness on your part. Terrible.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 12:59     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.


Notice that most people aren't criticizing your daughter. It is you who acted terribly here. Your child is 7, not 17. She should not have had sole decision-making power here. You really played this one wrong, and it ended up hurting a child and teaching your child a terrible lesson.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 12:59     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.



well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.



Did your DD attend her party?



She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.


My daughter doesn't have a potty mouth. But you know, I'd rather she did, than that she acted like a mean little bitch.



Excuse me? Would you like to retract that comment you just made about my child? That finger you just pointed at my child? Take a look at your hand. Three fingers point back at you.

Deciding you don't wish to have a running commentary about feces and gastrointestinal noises at your birthday party is actually a pretty sound reason in my book. Had dd offered up some lesser articulated reason or no reason at all I probably would have pushed harder. But at 7, they're old enough to make guest list selections without the interference of a helicopter mother.


It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. Feel free not to invite me to your next party.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 12:59     Subject: Re:S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Count me among the posters who think you handled this terribly. You say, "we allowed her to handle it herself" - but you knew what she was going to do, and despite your apparent prissy attitude, it's pretty mean to not invite someone to your party when she invites you to her own ON THE SAME DAY. You allow kids to make their own decisions when they are the ones who can be affected by bad decisions - that's how they learn. The only think your daughter learned is that you're OK with her being mean and making others feel bad. Parenting fail.

By the way, my 7 yo girly girl thinks poop and fart jokes, talk, etc. are hilarious. I don't agree, and I'm kinda pissed that my husband taught her the "pull my finger" joke, but sheesh - lighten up, Francis.


They weren't on the same day. I didn't say they were on the same day. They were on the same weekend.

I'm glad your daughter thinks this talk is hilarious, but does she talk about in incessantly?


Really? That's what you took from the prior post - day v. weekend? Good grief. OK, change it to this:

Count me among the posters who think you handled this terribly. You say, "we allowed her to handle it herself" - but you knew what she was going to do, and despite your apparent prissy attitude, it's pretty mean to not invite someone to your party when she invites you to her own ON THE SAME WEEKEND. You allow kids to make their own decisions when they are the ones who can be affected by bad decisions - that's how they learn. The only think your daughter learned is that you're OK with her being mean and making others feel bad. Parenting fail.

Is that better? And another pp made a great point - if your daughter finds the other child so distasteful, why did she attend her party? You had a great chance to teach your daughter some valuable messages here, but not only did you fail to do that, but you reinforced exactly the wrong messages.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 12:56     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!


My daughter had five other people she rather would have at her party than someone who talks about poop and farts all the time, yes.

As for her reasoning about going to the other girl's party, who knows how a 7 yo's mind works. It was a different atmosphere, maybe she didn't think it would be such a big deal at Chuck E. Cheese or something. In her head, excessive potty talk would have been out of place at her own gathering.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 12:56     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.



well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.



Did your DD attend her party?



She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.


My daughter doesn't have a potty mouth. But you know, I'd rather she did, than that she acted like a mean little bitch.



Excuse me? Would you like to retract that comment you just made about my child? That finger you just pointed at my child? Take a look at your hand. Three fingers point back at you.

Deciding you don't wish to have a running commentary about feces and gastrointestinal noises at your birthday party is actually a pretty sound reason in my book. Had dd offered up some lesser articulated reason or no reason at all I probably would have pushed harder. But at 7, they're old enough to make guest list selections without the interference of a helicopter mother.


The fact that you are standing behind a bitchy, exclusive decision that your child made make you, in fact, a helicopter mother. I hope one day your prissy daughter gets excluded for something stupid and maybe then you'll get it. But you probably won't. Keep on justifying how it is ok to be mean to other children. It will bite both of your in the behind one day.
Anonymous
Post 03/12/2012 12:54     Subject: S/O being excluded from birthday parties
Anonymous wrote:
I disagree. I would have made my child invite this child. Your DD is 7. Talking about poop and farts at age 7 is not behavior that one should be ostracized for. Now you've taught your DD how to ostracize kids who might be a little odd. That is not "refreshingly honest", it is bitchy and you are encouraging it.

How did the girl hear that there are consequences for her behavior? Did you call the mother to tell her, or did your snotty 7 yo tell her this on the playground in front of all the other kids?


Agree completely. You're setting a horrible example for your 7 yo and encouraging her to act bitchy. What in the world would make that seem okay?