Anonymous wrote:^^^ OP, is that you?

Any reason you're only responding to people you find unhelpful, but not those that have offered advice? This all feels eerily familiar.

Is there a reason you don't want to take your daughter to a therapist? Or, have you already done so? What did they say? I'm honestly trying to help you here, since you've come back for seconds despite that awful thread from a year ago. I assume you're really worried about DD. I would be.

I'm the person who responded regarding kleptomania. I've also said that OP's daughter needs therapy. And that OP is too hard on her. People can have emotional problems that result in behaviors like stealing but that doesn't mean they have some sort of sensational diagnosis like "kleptomania." Stop watching soap operas.

^^^ OP, is that you?

Any reason you're only responding to people you find unhelpful, but not those that have offered advice? This all feels eerily familiar.

Is there a reason you don't want to take your daughter to a therapist? Or, have you already done so? What did they say? I'm honestly trying to help you here, since you've come back for seconds despite that awful thread from a year ago. I assume you're really worried about DD. I would be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I have no idea at what age this manifests, but maybe she is a kleptomaniac. I'd definitely look into the possibility.

Gee. That was not very helpful advice.

Why? She is stealing things she doesn't need and this is what kleptomaniacs do.

No. People can steal things they don't need without being kleptomaniacs. Kleptomania means a compulsion to steal that the person cannot control, an overwhelming impulse that is beyond the power of the individual, almost as if they have been programmed to steal. People often steal things they don't really need, esp. affluent people. Look at Winona Ryder. No one ever said she was a kleptomaniac.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I have no idea at what age this manifests, but maybe she is a kleptomaniac. I'd definitely look into the possibility.

Gee. That was not very helpful advice.

Why? She is stealing things she doesn't need and this is what kleptomaniacs do.

Anonymous wrote:i haven't read the entire thread, but is there any chance that this is about food and not the stealing?

what are her other food behaviors like? could this be a medical thing? maybe the poor kids needs to be tested for diabetes. just another perspective.

That was what I thought when the thread came up last year, but I assume OP has looked into this issue. And, it really doesn't sound like it to me. Sounds like her DD has something else going on. Maybe the beginning of an eating disorder. My sister did stuff like this starting in middle school, ended up with full fledged anorexia by the time she was in 8th grade. Awful. A lot of different behaviors were involved, including stealing, hoarding, eating junk but nothing else, hiding things, lying, etc. She had some very serious emotional problems and still does as an adult. OP I urge you to bring your daughter to a psychologist now before this gets any worse.

i haven't read the entire thread, but is there any chance that this is about food and not the stealing?

what are her other food behaviors like? could this be a medical thing? maybe the poor kids needs to be tested for diabetes. just another perspective.

^^^ and before anyone jumps on me about grounding for a week not being enough, that was just an example. You could remove a privilege or favorite activity for a longer time, and threaten permanent removal of something (like dance lessons, or whatever) if she does it again.

But still, see a counselor. The fact that this has become a pattern is worrisome.

How did the SCHOOL discipline her for the stealing? Did she get detention, did she get suspended? If not, why not?

I think if she's been punished at school, you should also ground her. As in, no favorite activity for a week. I don't think spanking is a good idea, ever, so I won't recommend that.

If this kind of discipline doesn't work, I really think you need to bring her in for an evaluation by a psychologist. Given that these problems have persisted and are now escalating, it would be foolish not to get some professional assistance, IMO. There could be a LOT going on here, or it could be relatively minor. We don't have the full picture. But, I am confident that no amount of discipline will solve this problem unless you get to the root of the behavior and find some strategies to help your daughter develop better impulse control.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Thanks for wasting our time. Again.

Our time? Did the OP specifically ask you to respond? If you didn't think it worth your time, why did you bother to respond?

Honestly, I agree with the other poster who asked what's wrong with so many of you. Lots of anger issues here that have nothing to do with the OP.

PP again - just wanted to add that I finally got caught - my family was shopping and I went by myself to the toy store next door and stole a toy. The store keeper caught me and to teach me a lesson called in a police officer who lectired me and told me he wouldn't press charges "this time". My brother came in to get me and had to bring in my dad when he saw the officer and learned what I had done. I had somehow never been caught before, and I was MORTIFIED and ashamed, as was my dad - it scared me straight. My dad did give me a spanking as well - this was back in the
70's. I must say that I never stole again, not even a piece
of penny candy, not even a scuffed penny from the ground
in a friend's yard. Nothing. So I think PP's had good suggestions about apologizing to friends and paying back, and dealing with the repercussions of that.

OP, I stole at about your DD's age - from both stores and other kids' lunch boxes. To this day I'm not completely sure what was going on. There was a bit of turbulence in my home life at the time but nothing too extreme. I was generally a sweet kid and never really thought through the impact of my actions on others - I just wanted what I wanted, and it was often candy or a toy. One time I stole stickers from another bunk at camp. I certainly worried about my parents' feelings and happiness on a daily basis, yet didn't think to worry about my friends' feelings if I stole
their dessert. It's really hard to fathom all if these years later, especially since in adulthood I can sometimes be overly empathic and concerned about hurting feelings.
For various reasons I think I had (have?) ADD - it can present much differently in girls than boys. I think a thorough consultation with a good therapist is in order. I wasn't a sociopath or kleptomaniac and grew out of my issues with support from therapists and my family, though I
had similar issues to your DD. A therapist is your best bet. I agree it probably has nothing to do with food, and mire to do with impulse control. Good luck.

OP - Thanks for wasting our time. Again.

Yeah...I don't understand why others think the OP either hates her daughter or is covering up for her. She isn't trying to do either, but guide her in the right direction.

OP, I don't really have new advice besides what a few of the helpful pp's suggested, like paying back the other kids and also 'working' for the amount of money stolen. Maybe talking to a therapist is a bit extreme, but could possibly help? Good luck.

OMG what's wron with you people?

OP, I'm the OP of the 2 boys that have some forgetfulness issues and I totally feel for you!

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

I agree with the PPs who suggested you send your daughter to each child who she stole from, apologize and offer to herself to the parents to perform a chore to pay for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you just don't like your daughter very much. We all recognize that our children have faults, but you just seem annoyed with her. I hope I'm wrong, but that is why you are getting such heat. I remember your thread from last year, and my heart broke for your daughter.

Again with the judgments. Spare me. Of course I'm annoyed with her. Apparently you can't distinguish between not liking what's she's done and not liking her. If that's how you approach parenting, my heart breaks for your kids.

OP, you don't seem open to anything anyone has to say. That you don't like what some posters have to say or view them as judgmental doesn't mean it's not worth at least considering. Frankly, I am not sure what you are looking for. So, I reiterate what others are saying: therapy for you and your kid.
Good luck.