Anonymous wrote:If one has to explain bullying or harrassment at this state of the game. Then they are probably a bully themselves. Just my observation. I am sorry they equate it now as "mean girls" or "privilege kids" in certain zip codes, while in others they attribute it to gang-activity.

I totally disagree. I think understanding what is bothering your child and classifying it is important and it needs to be specific. Recently, my kid had a falling out with his friends. They stopped playing with him and he went from being part of a group to be an outsider. They said some things that hurt his feelings and through it all, he felt fine, wanted to go to school, and didn't feel like it was a "bullying" situation, even though many elements were in place (group exclusion, hurt feelings, mean things said).

Former bully -- thanks for the insight and info on the positive outcome of your experience. Nice to know, too, that bullying, if checked in school, needn't continue into adult years.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this is happening to your child. It's a horrible thing for a family to endure. I have a child at this school and DC reports that bullying and bad behavior are the norms.

The teachers lack the experience and skills to manage children and the administration has a my way or the highway attitude.

Maybe you should try calling the police and see if that gets their attention? If nothing else, it might put a healthy fear in a few of the bullies, both adults and children.

maybe i missed this upthread, but what school are we discussing?

i get that everyone wants to be discreet when there are children involved, BUT....not much is ever going to be remedied if we don't get this out into the open. sunshine is the best disinfectant.

my child when to a very highly regarded charter school and dealing with the admin was very frustrating (not bullying, some other less serious issues). they never actually *DID* anything. they would talk to you politely and professionally. but never did a damn thing. i genuinely believe that they didn't do much for two reasons. 1)they didn't have to. their wait list was into the hundreds. 2)lack of internal expertise as to how handle the matter and no central office to reach out to.

If one has to explain bullying or harrassment at this state of the game. Then they are probably a bully themselves. Just my observation. I am sorry they equate it now as "mean girls" or "privilege kids" in certain zip codes, while in others they attribute it to gang-activity.

OP, that sounds terrible, and I feel for you. I think we are at the same school, and I have a couple of ideas for you.

1) Have you talked to the parents of the kids that are doing this to your child? A parent recently called me about a problem between my child and their's and we worked on ideas together and the issue has been resolved. We included the teacher, peer mediators, and things have gotten better. I wouldn't assume the other parents wouldnt want to know or have this behavior stopped--I was really glad the other parent reached out.

2) Have you talked to the teacher or asked to switch classes? Some kids really don't mesh well and taking away the bully's from your child's life and swithching to another class may be a first start and helping your child. I know other parents have done this when their are kids that are making their kids school experience go south.

3) Raise the issue publicly with parents in a forum like PTA meetings, etc. State your experience and ask for others to share theirs. I truly believe no parent wants their child to be the bully or the bullied one, and coming up with a parent led plan of aggressive action would be positive.

Hope these ideas help.

Calling the police has crossed my mind, but I'm not sure how to go about reporting something that is ongoing like this- especially when the incidents are spread out and involve multiple children. What do I say to the police? I have never explored this option because I don't think it will get me anywhere unless they see something happening while they are there.

Sorry this is happening to your child. It's a horrible thing for a family to endure. I have a child at this school and DC reports that bullying and bad behavior are the norms.

The teachers lack the experience and skills to manage children and the administration has a my way or the highway attitude.

Maybe you should try calling the police and see if that gets their attention? If nothing else, it might put a healthy fear in a few of the bullies, both adults and children.

Punching, hitting, being ostracized, ganging up on a particular kid, starting rumors, telling lies and intentionally blaming the victim for things so that he gets in trouble for things he didn't do. That is our experience. Then, my son gets punished when he gets to the breaking point and fights back because no one sees the 10 things that lead up to it.

What exactly do you mean by bullying? Can you give specific examples? It seems like this word means a lot of things to different people.

I think there is a very good point made earlier by a PP -- that admins' way of not handling the situation is bullying behavior. How telling?!

The former bully here. I think my parents realized it when they became ostracized by parents. It became a situation from other parents to forewarn others about me. It is not vicious and malicious gossip, if it all comes true. Therefore, when the sidebar conversation is about your child to your face, an Oooo damn moment clicked on. Then my parents empowered my high school teachers and the rest is history. It's funny though my bully-dar is dead on, I can spot a bully in seconds.

Ow wow. Dredging up really old history. I have a child who was in the class where the bullying took place. I questioned my child about it (child likes to talk so I believe I had a pretty good sense of what went on) and I never got the sense that the administration was ignoring the situation.

DCPS has an office dedicated to these issues. Since the charter schools are independent, they don't get the same oversight. I would try going to the charter school board as well as some of these other tactics (especially getting other parents to band together). Even if you decide to leave you could help future kids avoid terrible, sometimes life changing experiences.

Thanks for the link to the history of this problem. It is illuminating and it really outlines that "if you're not with us you're against us" attitude that distills through every pore of a successful start-up. That fervent self-preservationism is what keeps founders working 14 hours days. However, at this late point in the game it now toxic. The kids can no longer be regarded as commodities for the sake of expediency. They are little, tender humans who are incurring damage that they will carry for life. I can't understand how the board of the school not only keeps the principal but gives her even greater responsibilities. They are blinded by the suck-up while their are kids quietly suffering great stress.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/69144.page

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