If OP's Ex died and had actually married and had kids it would be totally acceptable for OP to send wife a indolence card and call parents. In this case, I think it's totally OK for OP to contact his family but not him.

OP, keep in mind that he might recover. Don't make a mess of this.

Write your memories of him for his family. They will cherish them forever. Trust me.

Op - what happened? Did he die? Did you go?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH think? You need to talk to DH and then you need to decide what you want to do, either before ex passes away or after to pay respects to his family.

DH doesn't get a say in this, don't be ridiculous.

OP, this person is clearly an important part of your history and you should honor him. I assume you were once close to his family? If so, send your condolences. I don't know that you need closure with the ex per se -- that's his issue, not yours. But I wouldn't ignore this.

Really??? Because any time some DH wants to talk to an ex, we get the exact opposite response.

OP, if this person was close enough to you to meet your kids and give them presents, then DH is fine with him. He may not have been once, but he was as of last year. Wonder why you had to put in the dig at DH unless it's to make yourself look like all that anda bag of chips? Also wonder why you mentioned the ex doesn't have children or is unmarried, how does that matter? And why the comment about his family and their disfunctional state? You are positioning yourself as if you are the only game in town.

if he's in such bad condition he could die, you're not really doing it for him, you're doing it for his family. funerals are for the living, not the dead, and if he was a part of your life you should honor him and what you had by paying some attention. don't send flowers, but call him or his family and asy you are thinking of them and hoping for the the best -- praying i that's appropriate. if he's not too far away, go visit or go to the funeral if he dies. in my opinion (and this is a lesson i learned the hard way) the only wrong thing is to do nothing.

NP here. Didn't read all the way through, but I say you should do what you feel like you need to do. Call, write, go to the funeral if you want to. Honestly, if it comes to a funeral, there is nothing more for your DH to worry about and it's your past. I don't have anyone in that category for me, but if DH did and wanted to call or go to a funeral, I would support him.

Write the parents. Attend the funeral if you want to. DH needs to mature a bit. If you find yourself grieving which is totally normal I would definitely avoid expressing it to your DH or anyone who would report back to him.

Good luck! It's a sad time regardless that you didn't stay with him.

Sounds like you are not over him more than he's not over you.