My mother in law was a great cook. Never even made so much as toast in my kitchen. Or changed one diaper. My kids would have love to cook with her. I would be pretty darn possessive. I would not like myself for it.

I was really annoying in someone else's kitchen. Was picking up child from sleep over and the mom was cooking and obviously burning food on stove. I turned down the burner (when she stepped away). She came back and turned it way up and continued to burn the same things over and over.

Sounds like my SIL came over to your house! On top of cooking in my kitchen (often when I am trying to prepare large family meals), she also helps herself to anything and everything in the pantry and frig. My favorite is when she uses the milk to pour each of her children a large glass, which of course they do not finish, and leaves an empty carton on the counter. Did I mention that I have a DD 14 months?

This has been going on over 8 years and still annoys me (although not as much as it did initially).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not op and I don't care about the kitchen thing, but my mil is not MY family - if Zi got divorced I woul never talk to her again or want to know about her.

Your MIL is (absent adoption or kids from a previous marriage) a blood relative to ever single person in your house except you. Sorry, she's family. Unless you're OK with your husband treating your parents/siblings as interlopers, as well - in which case, yikes. What a shitty household to live in.

As I said, not MY family. Yes, it is part of my husband and child's family but definately not mine. And again, if I got divorced I would never see/talk/want to know about her again. Very simple.

Simple minded, perhaps. You seem like a real treat, PP.

Anonymous wrote:So it seems based on the responses, I am just territorial over my kitchen

Not only that, but unless there are some unusual circumstances you haven't told us about, you are also a crazy bitch. Going out of your way to specify that your MIL is not considered family or even a friend? That is just beyond bizarre. There is a big problem here, and it is you. Get a grip.

I am not possessive about my kitchen and if someone wants to help out that is great. The only downside to my late MIL helping out would be that she was not a very good cook.

When we have dinner parties I usually don't expect people to help out because they are guests and we don't want to focus on cleaning the kitchen when we have guests. We usually have meal prep done before guests arrive. When we have house guests, especially at our second house, meal prep and clean up is definitely a group activity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not op and I don't care about the kitchen thing, but my mil is not MY family - if Zi got divorced I woul never talk to her again or want to know about her.

Your MIL is (absent adoption or kids from a previous marriage) a blood relative to ever single person in your house except you. Sorry, she's family. Unless you're OK with your husband treating your parents/siblings as interlopers, as well - in which case, yikes. What a shitty household to live in.

As I said, not MY family. Yes, it is part of my husband and child's family but definately not mine. And again, if I got divorced I would never see/talk/want to know about her again. Very simple.

So is it only your house or do you co-own it with your DH?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not op and I don't care about the kitchen thing, but my mil is not MY family - if Zi got divorced I woul never talk to her again or want to know about her.

Your MIL is (absent adoption or kids from a previous marriage) a blood relative to ever single person in your house except you. Sorry, she's family. Unless you're OK with your husband treating your parents/siblings as interlopers, as well - in which case, yikes. What a shitty household to live in.

As I said, not MY family. Yes, it is part of my husband and child's family but definately not mine. And again, if I got divorced I would never see/talk/want to know about her again. Very simple.

Weird, considering the time your children would be spending with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as they treated my knives like the precious delicate darlings they are (do not cut directly on the countertop! do not put them in the dishwasher!) and didn't make a giant mess for me to clean up, I'd be cool with it.

But seriously, I'm really touchy about my knives.

Jesus, yes, a kindred spirit! Expensive knives (especially with wooden handles!) do NOT go in the dishwasher. Neither do pots, by the way. Do NOT scrub my lovingly-seasoned cast iron skillet with soap and water (actually happened; ruined about 6 years of seasoning). Do not just grab whatever knife is handy - get the one that's right for the job. (OK, that's a little anal, but seriously, chopping carrots with a bread knife? Cutting veggies with a carving knife? What, were you raised in a barn?)

My mother uses a cheap paring knife (the blade flexes) for everything. Including meat and potatoes. It scares me.

She is afraid to use my chef's knives. I am afraid she'll lose a finger with the one she uses.

We must be sisters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not op and I don't care about the kitchen thing, but my mil is not MY family - if Zi got divorced I woul never talk to her again or want to know about her.

Your MIL is (absent adoption or kids from a previous marriage) a blood relative to ever single person in your house except you. Sorry, she's family. Unless you're OK with your husband treating your parents/siblings as interlopers, as well - in which case, yikes. What a shitty household to live in.

As I said, not MY family. Yes, it is part of my husband and child's family but definately not mine. And again, if I got divorced I would never see/talk/want to know about her again. Very simple.

MIL doesn't let me cook or clean up in her kitchen. Very relaxing, except for the guilt.

This is sort of a double sided issue. We women complain when we have to do all the housework and don't get enough support from our partners or other family members. But then we don't really want to give up control either. That is a no-win situation.

I love it when my MIL comes to town and cooks meals and/or cleans up after meals. I sometimes have to bite my tongue or choose diplomatic words when she is doing things I don't like (like not handling my knives the way I prefer, or not putting any salt or oil in foods or whatever), but its totally worth it since she is actually helpful.

My mom, on the other hand, isn't very good at jumping in and doing stuff in a kitchen that is not her own. So if she is cooking or cleaning at my house, she has a million questions about everything and it takes more energy.

And lest I contribute to the impression that kitchens belong to women, I'll just add that my husband and I do equal work cooking and cleaning up.

If she made enough for every body and cleaned up afterwards, I would not be upset. My mil came when DD was born and asked "when's dinner" so...I WISH she had stepped in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as they treated my knives like the precious delicate darlings they are (do not cut directly on the countertop! do not put them in the dishwasher!) and didn't make a giant mess for me to clean up, I'd be cool with it.

But seriously, I'm really touchy about my knives.

Jesus, yes, a kindred spirit! Expensive knives (especially with wooden handles!) do NOT go in the dishwasher. Neither do pots, by the way. Do NOT scrub my lovingly-seasoned cast iron skillet with soap and water (actually happened; ruined about 6 years of seasoning). Do not just grab whatever knife is handy - get the one that's right for the job. (OK, that's a little anal, but seriously, chopping carrots with a bread knife? Cutting veggies with a carving knife? What, were you raised in a barn?)

My mother uses a cheap paring knife (the blade flexes) for everything. Including meat and potatoes. It scares me.

She is afraid to use my chef's knives. I am afraid she'll lose a finger with the one she uses.

Anonymous wrote:As long as they treated my knives like the precious delicate darlings they are (do not cut directly on the countertop! do not put them in the dishwasher!) and didn't make a giant mess for me to clean up, I'd be cool with it.

But seriously, I'm really touchy about my knives.

Jesus, yes, a kindred spirit! Expensive knives (especially with wooden handles!) do NOT go in the dishwasher. Neither do pots, by the way. Do NOT scrub my lovingly-seasoned cast iron skillet with soap and water (actually happened; ruined about 6 years of seasoning). Do not just grab whatever knife is handy - get the one that's right for the job. (OK, that's a little anal, but seriously, chopping carrots with a bread knife? Cutting veggies with a carving knife? What, were you raised in a barn?)

Anonymous wrote:Not op and I don't care about the kitchen thing, but my mil is not MY family - if Zi got divorced I woul never talk to her again or want to know about her.

Your MIL is (absent adoption or kids from a previous marriage) a blood relative to ever single person in your house except you. Sorry, she's family. Unless you're OK with your husband treating your parents/siblings as interlopers, as well - in which case, yikes. What a shitty household to live in.