Anonymous wrote:I worry that my brother-in-law is headed down a similar path, minus the drug use. He is very charming and funny, but he has no real career prospects and doesn't take responsibility for his actions. This past fall he married a lovely women who has a great career, hopefully he can lean on her for the rest of his life, sad as that is to say. His parents, grandmother, and my husband have bailed him out financially so many times. He is very entitled and loves living a very lavish, big lifestyle. I get so frustrated that my husband enables him so much, since his financial problems are entirely his own making.

For the past year he has been working for a friend and we just learned that he has not been employed as a proper employee, rather his friend just writes him a check each month and doesn't take out state or federal taxes. He never paid estimated taxes, so he owes taxes for the entire year. I would be SHOCKED if he has enough in savings to cover it. He and my husband purchased a property together before we met, and they rent it out currently. It worries me that we are tied financially to someone who is so irresponsible. And of course, my brother in law managed to NOT be put on the mortgage, but his name is on the title to the property, so he carries none of the risk of the investment. If he doesn't pay his taxes eventually the IRS could put a lien on the property.

I have talked to my husband about it but he is very defensive of his brother. We have not been asked for any real financial assistance since we got married, but I am making it clear to my husband that we won't help him out barring any major unforeseen circumstance.

Anonymous wrote:OP - Does your mother own her home?

Anonymous wrote:I have a brother like this who is 34. My Mom enabled him her entire life (she passed away this summer). My brother steals, lies, guilts, and worse. He has hurt everyone around him including his friends and our extended family. My Dad kicked him out in November. We are hoping he will hit rock bottom.

He has an Adderall addiction and we think he also has a personality disorder, as well.

My brother and I lived a charmed life. We had everything we wanted. Our parents were loving, kind, generous, and did everything they could for us. When my brother was 26 he got a prescription for Adderall. The rest is history. My Mom enabled him and stopped my cousins from doing an intervention in 2006. She got sick a couple of years later (cancer) and the crap continued because no one wanted to deal with him because we were so focused on my Mom. The best thing my Dad did was to kick him out.

He has no job, takes no responsibility, and still believes that we owe it to him to give him money. He says we don't "support" him. The last time he stole from my Dad (forged checks) he said he did it because my Dad deserved it because he wasn't "supporting" him and if he would just be nice he wouldn't do things like that. (This is why we believe he has some sort of personality disorder). In 2006, he stole my Dad's credit card and charged $18,000.00 on it for clothing, electronics, etc. because he was "mad" at my parents.

I will NOT take responsibility for my brother's poor choices and will NOT support him in any way, shape, or form. Thankfully, there's a couple of hour drive between us. I love my brother, but all he will do is tear our family apart and make us broke.

My parents have spent over $200,000 on him in the last 8 or so years and I also believe that he slowly helped to kill my Mom because she was always so worried and anxious about him.

Good luck to you, OP. I am sorry you are going through this.