I honestly just don't think it's ever appropriate for a host to instruct guests on what gifts they should or shouldn't bring.

this is worth pulling out and repeating

I honestly just don't think it's ever appropriate for a host to instruct guests on what gifts they should or shouldn't bring. You won't be teaching your child anything about giving (or etiquette) by instructing your guests about what to give at her party. That would just teach your child that she is entitled to presents and give her a false sense of what giving is all about (ie, you are teaching her that she is entitled to get gifts and that by declining them and redirecting gifts to another cause she has done something worthwhile herself).

You can teach a child about giving by actually having the child do something charitable.

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on. We all know that kids aren't generally the ones agitating for donations to charities (unless they'v been steered in that direction by adults).

Yeah, I'd be ok with it if it really were the kid's idea (and my 4 y/o DD is capable of surprising generosity from time to time). Otherwise, it'd be somewhat annoying but not so much that I'd boycott it or anything.

I would be thrilled to receive an invitation like this.

You think it's "cool" to go to a child's birthday party and be asked to write a check to a specific charity and place it in a shoebox?! I would be horrified.

I don't understand posts like this. Horrifying? Really? What exactly is horrifying about helping kids learn about charitable giving?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DC is turning 8 this year. We're planning a large party with about 30 friends, and their parents and siblings will also be invited. We (DC included) want to have a no gifts party and instead ask people to bring canned or non-perishable foods to take to our local food bank. Would you like this idea?


Little girl i know (she is 8 now too) always solicits funds for some cause (Save the Tigers or something) for her birthday in lieu of gifts. Mom puts out a shoebox and invites checks written out *to the organization*

It's cool and different.

You think it's "cool" to go to a child's birthday party and be asked to write a check to a specific charity and place it in a shoebox?! I would be horrified.

You must be a nervous nellie who frightens easily.

Anonymous wrote:
DC is turning 8 this year. We're planning a large party with about 30 friends, and their parents and siblings will also be invited. We (DC included) want to have a no gifts party and instead ask people to bring canned or non-perishable foods to take to our local food bank. Would you like this idea?


Little girl i know (she is 8 now too) always solicits funds for some cause (Save the Tigers or something) for her birthday in lieu of gifts. Mom puts out a shoebox and invites checks written out *to the organization*

It's cool and different.

You think it's "cool" to go to a child's birthday party and be asked to write a check to a specific charity and place it in a shoebox?! I would be horrified.

There is also a really good lesson to learn from giving gifts - kids often give gifts they themselves like and learning to give without resentment is a good quality to have. Far better lesson than a parent chucking some pasta into a bin.

Spent $$$ to host a huge party and collect a few soup cans for the 'poor' and all the rich people feel like they have been such good people and life goes on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could also skip the party entirely and donate what you would have spent on it to charity. Seems like that would solve the problem altogether.

This.

My thoughts exactly....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So some of you would rather buy a kid a $20 toy that they may not want or like than be asked to direct the same $20 toward food for people who don't have any?

That is some very bizarre logic and world view. I hope I do not know you. I get that you don't want to be asked to contribute to your co-worker's pet causes.... but complaining about an opportunity to teach your own kids about kids who have no food and being generous... that is very strange and a sad statement on your humanity.

Only a Republican would think this. Seriously.

Apparently you don't know your political philosophies very well either... I'm a happy Democrat who has spent a year in a service corps working to serve the needs of the impoverished in DC.

Yeah...I meant the people you were describing in your first paragraph...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So some of you would rather buy a kid a $20 toy that they may not want or like than be asked to direct the same $20 toward food for people who don't have any?

That is some very bizarre logic and world view. I hope I do not know you. I get that you don't want to be asked to contribute to your co-worker's pet causes.... but complaining about an opportunity to teach your own kids about kids who have no food and being generous... that is very strange and a sad statement on your humanity.

Only a Republican would think this. Seriously.

Apparently you don't know your political philosophies very well either... I'm a happy Democrat who has spent a year in a service corps working to serve the needs of the impoverished in DC.

Anonymous wrote:So some of you would rather buy a kid a $20 toy that they may not want or like than be asked to direct the same $20 toward food for people who don't have any?

That is some very bizarre logic and world view. I hope I do not know you. I get that you don't want to be asked to contribute to your co-worker's pet causes.... but complaining about an opportunity to teach your own kids about kids who have no food and being generous... that is very strange and a sad statement on your humanity.

Only a Republican would think this. Seriously.

I think some people are overthinking this. it's not a huge deal. If a family chooses to do this, I personally like it because it is less money for me and easier to deal with. I don't think anything particularly negative about them or think that they are so altruistic.

OP, 80% of the party guests will think it is a nice gesture, 15% won't care one way or another and 5% are typical DCUMers who will bitch no matter what you do. Don't even worry about it.

Anonymous wrote:You could also skip the party entirely and donate what you would have spent on it to charity. Seems like that would solve the problem altogether.

This.