Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't even cross my mind, honestly. Now that I think about it, I decided I will not pay for anything wedding related. If she (they) need money to mount the house, I will happily help with money to buy furniture, silverware, etc. If I have money, I will also help with a down payment to the house.

I won't help with the wedding party itself because I was not raised in this culture - my parents were not married (just had a common law union - with the same rights of married people), and my own wedding was very simple - I had one of those officials come to my home, and it was just my husband, me and my MIL. Then we served cake (from Giant), Champagne and went to have dinner (along with some other relatives) at 429 (sp?), a fancy restaurant in Falls Church.

I also didn't have a prom or college graduation party or even a ceremony - I just walked in to get my diploma later. I never cared about these kind of stuff, and if my daughter turns out to care, she can pay for her own wedding party herself. I think it is a waste of money.

Are you my twin?

Haha! I wish! Which part are you referring to?

Anonymous wrote:Didn't even cross my mind, honestly. Now that I think about it, I decided I will not pay for anything wedding related. If she (they) need money to mount the house, I will happily help with money to buy furniture, silverware, etc. If I have money, I will also help with a down payment to the house.

I won't help with the wedding party itself because I was not raised in this culture - my parents were not married (just had a common law union - with the same rights of married people), and my own wedding was very simple - I had one of those officials come to my home, and it was just my husband, me and my MIL. Then we served cake (from Giant), Champagne and went to have dinner (along with some other relatives) at 429 (sp?), a fancy restaurant in Falls Church.

I also didn't have a prom or college graduation party or even a ceremony - I just walked in to get my diploma later. I never cared about these kind of stuff, and if my daughter turns out to care, she can pay for her own wedding party herself. I think it is a waste of money.

Are you my twin?

Didn't even cross my mind, honestly. Now that I think about it, I decided I will not pay for anything wedding related. If she (they) need money to mount the house, I will happily help with money to buy furniture, silverware, etc. If I have money, I will also help with a down payment to the house.

I won't help with the wedding party itself because I was not raised in this culture - my parents were not married (just had a common law union - with the same rights of married people), and my own wedding was very simple - I had one of those officials come to my home, and it was just my husband, me and my MIL. Then we served cake (from Giant), Champagne and went to have dinner (along with some other relatives) at 429 (sp?), a fancy restaurant in Falls Church.

I also didn't have a prom or college graduation party or even a ceremony - I just walked in to get my diploma later. I never cared about these kind of stuff, and if my daughter turns out to care, she can pay for her own wedding party herself. I think it is a waste of money.

My parents didn't help out at all financially with college, wedding, etc... Part of it was lack of money and part of it is their philosophy (which is when you are eighteen/graduate from highschool you are on your own). I don't share this philosophy and am saving for my kid's college, but not their weddings. I could easily see myself contributing to DD and DS' if we can afford it when the time comes though, but I would never finance a multiple tens of thousand of dollars affair though. I 100% agree the focus should be on the marriage, not the wedding, and the money would be better spent elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course we will pay for our daughter's wedding. We will also foot the bill for the groom's portion of the wedding: rehersal dinner and bride's bouquet ( at a minimum). It is what our pafents did and their parents before them and I think it is the right way to do things. I dont anticipate needing to create a special "fund" for it however.

Ditto here. I am not "saving" for it, but fully plan to fund wedding-related expenses for my children - both son and daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the Poster on the other thread who said that, and the critical fact you are missing is that we are only trying to save the difference between private school tuition and private college. We pay private school tuition currently out of cash flow, which for both kids is about 52K a year. So we are not valuing weddings at 50% of college. We expect to keep paying for most of college through cash flow. We view putting a little aside now for a wedding as prudent. If it turns into a house payment because either kid doesn't meet the right person, so be it.

It's not prudent-you're losing out on tax advantages of formally saving for college. Why not make the savings officially earmarked for education, and pay for the weddings out of future cash flow?

We pay tuition [private school and college out of cash flow]. There are no savings for huge wedding productions. Nothing ever changes- there has always been wide ranges in wedding costs. Since many weddings are late afternoon/dinner then cocktail reception it's important to have decent food at the "happy hour" and good flow.

No time lags where guests are loitering about. If the ceremony isn't in the same place as the reception make them no more than a few blocks or a 5-10 minute drive. Pay for the parking if in a city. No need to make a big buffet and then serve dinner an hour later. But have some easily identifiable items passed by waiters and tables with fruit/cheese. No funky food flavors at the venues = guests don't want to feel like the judges on chopped ....

Don't have menu choices to be served - no matter what happens there always will be a contingent complaining about beef. Too well, too red. Can't see how it's done in the lighting.

So if you want some beef have a carving station for small servings at the cocktail hour.

Wedding programs, menus, invites, custom placecards etc are all thrown away by most guests. Centerpieces? Keep them low.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the Poster on the other thread who said that, and the critical fact you are missing is that we are only trying to save the difference between private school tuition and private college. We pay private school tuition currently out of cash flow, which for both kids is about 52K a year. So we are not valuing weddings at 50% of college. We expect to keep paying for most of college through cash flow. We view putting a little aside now for a wedding as prudent. If it turns into a house payment because either kid doesn't meet the right person, so be it.

It's not prudent-you're losing out on tax advantages of formally saving for college. Why not make the savings officially earmarked for education, and pay for the weddings out of future cash flow?

I find nothing wrong with paying for my kids' weddings when they get married. I probably feel like this though because in our culture it is the norm and so not unusual in the least. Of course I certainly understand that there are plenty of parents that are unable to contribute financially, the children want to pay for the wedding on their own, etc, etc...but kids whose parents paid for their weddings are not spoiled or similar in my opinion.

Yes, of course we will pay for our daughter's wedding. We will also foot the bill for the groom's portion of the wedding: rehersal dinner and bride's bouquet ( at a minimum). It is what our pafents did and their parents before them and I think it is the right way to do things. I dont anticipate needing to create a special "fund" for it however.

I'm the Poster on the other thread who said that, and the critical fact you are missing is that we are only trying to save the difference between private school tuition and private college. We pay private school tuition currently out of cash flow, which for both kids is about 52K a year. So we are not valuing weddings at 50% of college. We expect to keep paying for most of college through cash flow. We view putting a little aside now for a wedding as prudent. If it turns into a house payment because either kid doesn't meet the right person, so be it.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I paid for our own wedding. Didn't even occur to save for my DDs.

+1. i also hope this nonsense about the bride's family shouldering the burden fades into oblivion. so outdated!

DD is treasure enough in a marriage. The future husband should dole out all the money since marriages are mainly for their benefit.

My current plan is to hope that I only have boys.

I will try to contribute towards it when the time comes. I am not saving for it (really can't afford to) and if they come to me with a large bill for an extravagant wedding I wouldn't be able to pay for it.

DH and I paid for our own wedding. Didn't even occur to save for my DDs.