Anonymous wrote:I think the OP is beyond ridiculous. Growing up, my family was upper middle class. Lawyer dad, mom w/ a large salary also. Pretty sizeable house. My best friend lived in a much smaller house and neither of her parents had great jobs, didn't go to college, but were employed full time and great parents. I swear, I was probably in high school before I realized my family had a lot more money than hers because it was never ever an issue. I remember going to her house being so fun. Our parents were friendly to each other, not very close, but got along decently enough for us to maintain our friendship. I would hate to thing that I would have missed out on one of the best friends I've ever had because my mother made more money than her mother. I mean, do you just sit around and eat caviar and drink champagne with your friends? I think some of the best times I have with friends are just sitting on a couch talking or grabbing some coffee and going to the park.

This. I couldn't agree more. My parents never commented or drew attention to money, status, etc. one of my best friends growing up rented a 2br apartment while all our other friends lived in houses. It didn't dawn on me until after we graduated high school that I might have more money than her. Meanwhile, DH grew up with a mom that couldn't stop comparing them to the neighbors. Tells me how "they had the smallest hose in the rich neighborhood", describes people as rich or poor, says the "only thing she has in common with the rich ladies in her AA group is that they are all sugaraholics". Everything is defined by money. And DH does he same thing, always comparing what we have to others. And I could care less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have tended to gravitate to people in our income bracket. It just made more sense for us to hang out with people who made the same amount of money as we did and could do the same types of things we can.

Recently, my daughter has begun to hang out on the playground with a new girl who is of a different income level and has very much enjoyed playing with her. Her mother and I have hit it off and also begun hanging out. I've noticed, we are VERY different. We approach things differently and handle just about every aspect of life differently. I've enjoyed the friendship that I've begun to form with this woman, because I find her sense of humor, her love of her child, and our easy way with each other to be very comfortable.

I've had her over to my house last week for a playdate and next week I'm going to hers.

I'm a little uncomfortable about this next step and was thinking of cancelling and making up an excuse. I know that she and I get along so well - as do our daughters, but somehow the difference in our financial status just seems so large.

Has anyone else had this issue in a friendship?

OP, I find it interesting that you had her over to your house but feel uncomfortable going to hers. I would think it would be the exact opposite. I would have thought you would feel uncomfortable inviting her to your house because then she might feel self-consious about the income difference. At least that's how I feel. I don't invite any of my friends over (except the ones I know really, really well) because I worry about what they might think if they saw our house, because most of them live in modest condos and we live in a huge Great Falls house with a two-acre yard. DH and I are very low-key, practical, Old Navy wearing, Olive Garden going folk, but I would feel very uncomfortable if people came over to our house. In fact I worry about losing friends over it if I were to invite them over, so I just don't invite anyone over except my closest friends. In fact there's someone who I have recently become really good friends with over the past 6 months, but I have not yet invited her over because I worry that if I do, then she will not want to be my friend anymore.

my heart aches for your suffering. Please pray and ask for an answer.

shouldnt be a big deal. The only thing is when the mom's are having recreational time the lower income person might break out meth and the higher one coke. Just mix them together and ta da, unity.

20:17 - ITA. Not everyone is like you.

I think the OP is beyond ridiculous. Growing up, my family was upper middle class. Lawyer dad, mom w/ a large salary also. Pretty sizeable house. My best friend lived in a much smaller house and neither of her parents had great jobs, didn't go to college, but were employed full time and great parents. I swear, I was probably in high school before I realized my family had a lot more money than hers because it was never ever an issue. I remember going to her house being so fun. Our parents were friendly to each other, not very close, but got along decently enough for us to maintain our friendship. I would hate to thing that I would have missed out on one of the best friends I've ever had because my mother made more money than her mother. I mean, do you just sit around and eat caviar and drink champagne with your friends? I think some of the best times I have with friends are just sitting on a couch talking or grabbing some coffee and going to the park.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have tended to gravitate to people in our income bracket. It just made more sense for us to hang out with people who made the same amount of money as we did and could do the same types of things we can.

Recently, my daughter has begun to hang out on the playground with a new girl who is of a different income level and has very much enjoyed playing with her. Her mother and I have hit it off and also begun hanging out. I've noticed, we are VERY different. We approach things differently and handle just about every aspect of life differently. I've enjoyed the friendship that I've begun to form with this woman, because I find her sense of humor, her love of her child, and our easy way with each other to be very comfortable.

I've had her over to my house last week for a playdate and next week I'm going to hers.

I'm a little uncomfortable about this next step and was thinking of cancelling and making up an excuse. I know that she and I get along so well - as do our daughters, but somehow the difference in our financial status just seems so large.

Has anyone else had this issue in a friendship?

OP, I find it interesting that you had her over to your house but feel uncomfortable going to hers. I would think it would be the exact opposite. I would have thought you would feel uncomfortable inviting her to your house because then she might feel self-consious about the income difference. At least that's how I feel. I don't invite any of my friends over (except the ones I know really, really well) because I worry about what they might think if they saw our house, because most of them live in modest condos and we live in a huge Great Falls house with a two-acre yard. DH and I are very low-key, practical, Old Navy wearing, Olive Garden going folk, but I would feel very uncomfortable if people came over to our house. In fact I worry about losing friends over it if I were to invite them over, so I just don't invite anyone over except my closest friends. In fact there's someone who I have recently become really good friends with over the past 6 months, but I have not yet invited her over because I worry that if I do, then she will not want to be my friend anymore.

my heart aches for your suffering. Please pray and ask for an answer.

13:54 - THIS. I would like to know you, because we are in the same situation. It is a rarity in D.C. because there are so many shallow social climbers that do not realize that how people KEEP their money is by NOT spending it like water. What a concept.

No one else is going to pay my children's tuition if we blow our money treating everyone and their brother to needless schmancy dinners because THEY feel like it. These are the same people (grown adults) who don't think twice about asking their elderly parents for their inheritance "ahead of time" (g-r-o-s-s!) You know, the same people who didn't pay for their own......well, anything! I swear, some people expect those with money to act like 20 year old entertainers who blow their money then the friends disappear - POOF! No shock there. If we blow our hard earned money, that's it, no one will bail us out. THAT is how we got where we are - on our own. Again, what a concept.

Anyway, stick with who you feel comfortable and who feels comfortable around you, OP. GL.

OP, I hear you. Those who are feigning ignorance about there being an elephant in the room are not fooling anyone. D.C. is swarming with those trying to be something they are not, plain and simple. Here is the important deal breaker, in all honesty (from experience): If the one of less means feels at all uncomfortable and covets what the other of more means has, it is a deal breaker. Why? Because the former will always want or see themselves as somehow more deserving of what the latter has, whether or not they admit it. It is that easy.

In other words, if you are already alluding to "how did they get their money?"; it translates into "why don't WE have what THEY have?". It is most definitely a problem. The party who does not have as much money does not realize that while it has absolutely nothing to do with the other couple/family, the other couple/family will be an unwitting (albeit not deaf, dumb, blind) target.

BTDT. If one party is down to earth (may be of more means but portrays otherwise), and the other is entitled (may be of less means but portrays otherwise), REGARDLESS of income, it will be an issue. For now, I say let the children be friends and hang out together. You don't have to be besties with the mom or her DH.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have tended to gravitate to people in our income bracket. It just made more sense for us to hang out with people who made the same amount of money as we did and could do the same types of things we can.

Recently, my daughter has begun to hang out on the playground with a new girl who is of a different income level and has very much enjoyed playing with her. Her mother and I have hit it off and also begun hanging out. I've noticed, we are VERY different. We approach things differently and handle just about every aspect of life differently. I've enjoyed the friendship that I've begun to form with this woman, because I find her sense of humor, her love of her child, and our easy way with each other to be very comfortable.

I've had her over to my house last week for a playdate and next week I'm going to hers.

I'm a little uncomfortable about this next step and was thinking of cancelling and making up an excuse. I know that she and I get along so well - as do our daughters, but somehow the difference in our financial status just seems so large.

Has anyone else had this issue in a friendship?

OP, I find it interesting that you had her over to your house but feel uncomfortable going to hers. I would think it would be the exact opposite. I would have thought you would feel uncomfortable inviting her to your house because then she might feel self-consious about the income difference. At least that's how I feel. I don't invite any of my friends over (except the ones I know really, really well) because I worry about what they might think if they saw our house, because most of them live in modest condos and we live in a huge Great Falls house with a two-acre yard. DH and I are very low-key, practical, Old Navy wearing, Olive Garden going folk, but I would feel very uncomfortable if people came over to our house. In fact I worry about losing friends over it if I were to invite them over, so I just don't invite anyone over except my closest friends. In fact there's someone who I have recently become really good friends with over the past 6 months, but I have not yet invited her over because I worry that if I do, then she will not want to be my friend anymore.

Don't over think it - if you enjoy each other's company you should go and have fun. Be glad that you have a nice, new friend!

Yes, go ahead and cancel for some lame excuse. Then complain that no one in the DC area is nice.

When I was a kid, my best friend's family was VERY wealthy. One of my brothers had a good friend whose family was literally poor. When we played at their houses, we found neat and fun stuff at each place (eg, a homemade fort in the boys' backyard). We just thought of the homes as different, not "better" or "worse."
Also, in the DC area, even very wealthy people often live in moderate sized houses with normal looking decor.

I call BS. In OP's first post it seemed clear she was the wealthier of the pair. She and DH gravitate toward friends who can do the same things they do--anyone with more money can do the same (free or cheap) stuff people with very little money do. Suddenly, she changes her tone and says she is the poorer of the two. And oh how convenient that the other mom just e-mailed. Troll.

i would guess this is a troll too, or else, a really ignorant person, because chances are (if this is real) that other mom reads this board too. awkward.

Anonymous wrote:I really hope you are coming over to our house. We live in a very small older home, drive an older car and do not have the latest fashions but I am willing to bet we make more money than you and live a better life than you. Perhaps if we become better friends we would invite you to our beach house that you would be shocked we own without a mortgage or perhaps my husband's family lake fromt home at Deep Creek. But I guess you will never know seeing you go through the school directory and goolge our address so you can see what our house looks like et.


Chances are you are a troll but people like you do exist.

You should read the thread before you post.