What is it with the parents on this board that every kid is doing drugs, selling drugs, etc.? I went to a private school in NYC and then to a boarding school and then to college. I've never even SEEN a joint much less smoked one. Every kid doesn't do it, every school doesn't have it rampant, and every kid isn't lying about it. I'm 37 and I think it's pathetic when I read that parents believe their kids when they say that they don't see it at their boarding school and posters come back with "listen hon" and "you're naive" thank God my parents didn't treat me that way, and I hope to Hell I have more common sense than to treat my kids that way. Not every kid lies, either.

OP here. To the PP who thinks I should just treat him as my own kid... do you HAVE stepkids? I was a stepkid x2 and now I'm a stepmom. It's a different relationship than you have with your own children/parents. Maybe not if you live with them from childhood, but when you see them every other weekend, even from the time they are babies, it's different. I am obviously involved in parenting DSS, but the ultimate parenting decisions are not up to me.

Anyway, we definitely have been trying to use the example route. One of our friend's kids completely screwed up his life (eviction, jail time), so that was a topic of conversation. No idea if it's actually sinking in or not. I think he at least gets that he should be more careful?

I'll say again: there is NO WAY DH or I would get behind the boarding school idea, even if there was any way we could afford it. We both know way too many people who ended up worse off than ever after being sent away to one of those places. Since DH & I live in a different school district from DSS' mom, we'd bring him here if things got bad enough. To be clear, if we had our way he'd be here already, but DSS prefers to stay with his friends & his mom prefers to have him with her. But we've talked with him about him not having a choice about that if his behavior gets worse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boarding schools are full of drugs for those that want them, the same as any public or private school where kids have money to spend. If the kid wants to smoke weed, he will do it in boarding school or not. Trouble finds trouble. All this will do is provide another source of suppliers and customers.

There ARE good boarding schools, you know. Not all of them have drug problems. DS is an honor student at his and says he hasn't even seen drugs in his (small) campus. Not saying boarding school is the answer, but taking this individual out of the environment he's in and putting him in a diff one may not be the worst idea. PP may have a presented a good alternative here.

And I tell my parents I never see pot either. 90% of the guys at my school smoke it anyway.

In all likelihood, your DS is not dealing massive amounts of weed, most just sell a bit here and there when they want to. Fact is that is the easiest way to make money, until we legalize pot, it still will be. Fact is that because it is illegal, but also in great demand, you see that you can sell small amount of pot to your friends, and get a decent return, you can pretty much choose the price within a range, and there will be people willing to buy the product.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We suspect DSS, age 16, is dealing drugs (marijuana) based on some things he has told DH. He's definitely smoking weed.

What would you do?

I just keep coming back to your use of DSS. Does it really matter on an anonymous forum whether he is your DS, DSS or ? You should check into family counseling and learn to love and accept this DC as your own, not just the DS of That Other Woman. And your husband needs to sack up and put his DS first!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sweetie, I am a mother of 2 boys and a former recreational pot smoker (college years). What my point was is that he isnt shooting up in the back alleys-or in laymens terms he doesn't need to be shuttled off to rehab tonight over pot.
I completely agree with the pothead pp, that was great advice.
Don't over-react and push him away, lots of successful people smoked (and probably dealt a little) pot back in the day and have turned out fine
Good luck!

Hey sweetie! Lots of people did not deal drugs. Are you speaking for your drug dealing coke using creeps? IMHO they should have drug dogs sniffing.

Umm, I don't know what sort of prettyville you're from, but in my high school anyone who was anyone dealt. Its not that big a deal.

bitch, please. sit yo ass down right now.

Anonymous wrote:We suspect DSS, age 16, is dealing drugs (marijuana) based on some things he has told DH. He's definitely smoking weed.

What would you do?

I just keep coming back to your use of DSS. Does it really matter on an anonymous forum whether he is your DS, DSS or ? You should check into family counseling and learn to love and accept this DC as your own, not just the DS of That Other Woman. And your husband needs to sack up and put his DS first!

Heh heh. Um, DS is lying, honeybun. The more rural and boring the town the school is in, the more likely it is that kids there are smoking. At least he is trying to spare you the worry.

Anonymous wrote:Boarding schools are full of drugs for those that want them, the same as any public or private school where kids have money to spend. If the kid wants to smoke weed, he will do it in boarding school or not. Trouble finds trouble. All this will do is provide another source of suppliers and customers.

There ARE good boarding schools, you know. Not all of them have drug problems. DS is an honor student at his and says he hasn't even seen drugs in his (small) campus. Not saying boarding school is the answer, but taking this individual out of the environment he's in and putting him in a diff one may not be the worst idea. PP may have a presented a good alternative here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sweetie, I am a mother of 2 boys and a former recreational pot smoker (college years). What my point was is that he isnt shooting up in the back alleys-or in laymens terms he doesn't need to be shuttled off to rehab tonight over pot.
I completely agree with the pothead pp, that was great advice.
Don't over-react and push him away, lots of successful people smoked (and probably dealt a little) pot back in the day and have turned out fine
Good luck!

Hey sweetie! Lots of people did not deal drugs. Are you speaking for your drug dealing coke using creeps? IMHO they should have drug dogs sniffing.

Mom? I thought you and dad were in Florida- how did you find this board?

Anonymous wrote:Oh no there are so many ridiculous responses going on here. NO in case it wasn't obvious don't call the police. DD is very successful in the financial industry and still is a recreational pot smoker. To be honest, I feel it's helpful and relaxes him after an extremely long work week. We would never be the family that has a glass of wine at the end of the day so this is his best option. So for me the issue is really the DEALING, as I am sure you realize this could cause severe problems depending on the quantity, etc. You need to approach with caution and be supportive and rational.

The other issue is buying it. If he's doing it then he is purchasing from a dealer most likely.

Oh no there are so many ridiculous responses going on here. NO in case it wasn't obvious don't call the police. DD is very successful in the financial industry and still is a recreational pot smoker. To be honest, I feel it's helpful and relaxes him after an extremely long work week. We would never be the family that has a glass of wine at the end of the day so this is his best option. So for me the issue is really the DEALING, as I am sure you realize this could cause severe problems depending on the quantity, etc. You need to approach with caution and be supportive and rational.

I knew someone who dealt weed in HS. Not big quantities. His family home was robbed twice. Once word gets around that he deals there will be thugs lurking. They know that if you steal drugs and drug money you will likely not be reported to law enforcement.

Anonymous wrote:No sweetie, I am a mother of 2 boys and a former recreational pot smoker (college years). What my point was is that he isnt shooting up in the back alleys-or in laymens terms he doesn't need to be shuttled off to rehab tonight over pot.
I completely agree with the pothead pp, that was great advice.
Don't over-react and push him away, lots of successful people smoked (and probably dealt a little) pot back in the day and have turned out fine
Good luck!

Hey sweetie! Lots of people did not deal drugs. Are you speaking for your drug dealing coke using creeps? IMHO they should have drug dogs sniffing.

Anonymous wrote:Boarding school. Won't stop the drug habit, but will get him away from his suppliers and customers.

I went to boarding school. I think there were more drugs in boarding school.