Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and insists you don't bring anything, do you just not bring anything?

We're not really comfortable with showing up empty handed, and it's not the sort of situation where we could bring a bottle of wine.

When I ask my guests not to bring anythng, this is what I actually mean, Please, please do not bring anything. Just sent a thank you note, hand written and sent through US mail, not email.

perhaps in the western world do people really mean it. in my experience it is considered rude for the host to specifically ask for anything - hence the answer of no when you ask. but it is an unwritten rule that showing up empty handed is tacky. flowers are perfect.

OK globe trotter, we are in the western world. This does not look like Bangladesh now does it?

I most always insist that people only bring themselves. When I say this I mean it. I think being a polite guest is taking the hosts lead. I've had people bring me knick-knacks and such and then feel guilted into displaying it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring something not comestible, but don't show up empty handed. I can't imagine where a bottle of wine would not be appreciated, unless you know they can't or don't drink for some reason.

There are lots of reasons people don't drink, alchy.

Nevertheless it's a standard hostess gift and the hosts can re-gift it if they don't personally drink. If they don't drink, they may be happy to have a bottle to take to their next dinner party that they don't have to choose

I don't drink-I posted earlier-but I do use the wine to cook or re-gift. I appreciate the thought either way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring something not comestible, but don't show up empty handed. I can't imagine where a bottle of wine would not be appreciated, unless you know they can't or don't drink for some reason.

There are lots of reasons people don't drink, alchy.

Nevertheless it's a standard hostess gift and the hosts can re-gift it if they don't personally drink. If they don't drink, they may be happy to have a bottle to take to their next dinner party that they don't have to choose

I kind of hate it when people bring flowers because then I have to stop what I'm doing in the kitchen and trim the stems and find a vase and all that... if you decide to bring flowers bring them already in a vase!

Anonymous wrote:I always find these posts very interesting - I wonder how many people were just not raised correctly? Or just don't care?

I find posts like this hurtful. To me it implies neglect on the part of my parents, and I don't see it that way. My parents both worked very long hours and I don't think they went to one dinner party the whole time we were growing up (and still don't). My mother has never written a thank you note in her life, and I just started doing it as an adult. It wasn't neglect, it was just the circle my parents socialized in -- it would have been seen as pretentious to do a thank you note after dinner with friends.

Of course these are all things I've had to learn since moving to the east coast, but again the implication that my parents just didn't care about good manners is wrong.

If someone asks they host/hostess what they can bring, unless you're very good friends they are obligated to say nothing. So the PPs who then take that as an excuse to actually bring nothing? Eh. No excuse. Bring a nice small gift.

Also, I don't like people buzzing around in my kitchen trying to help cook, set up, clean, whatever. Stay out of the kitchen, sit down in the living room, I'll be there in a minute with the hor d'oeuvre, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

gift certificates for bagel shops.

Please don't give gift certificates as hostess gifts. It is really tacky.

tacky? It is tacky to show up with nothing..this particular family goes to a certain shop every Sunday morning-I know this so that's what we gave them along with a basket of coffee/tea. It is just an example to think out of the box a little. I personally don't like flowers and wine is fine but we don't drink-I cook with it but to me it's the thought that counts. If you know the host well, and your are friends why is it that hard? I get the whole wine/flowers thing if you don't know the host well but for a friend?

I usually bring something that can't be used at the dinner, since I assume that the host has everything pre-planned. My stand-by is nice banana or pumpkin bread that can be eaten in the morning.

Anonymous wrote:Bring something not comestible, but don't show up empty handed. I can't imagine where a bottle of wine would not be appreciated, unless you know they can't or don't drink for some reason.

There are lots of reasons people don't drink, alchy.

Bring something not comestible, but don't show up empty handed. I can't imagine where a bottle of wine would not be appreciated, unless you know they can't or don't drink for some reason.

I wouldn't bring anything if they specifically said not to after I'd offered. That said, like a PP, I'm always shocked that people don't offer to clear the table etc when at someone's home for dinner.

Other PP - monogrammed towels? To thank someone for having you over for dinner!?!?

My standard hostess gifts vary between:

-Monogrammed linen or fine cotton guest towels (this is a cheater gift because I have my own machine and pick up towels on clearance whenever I spot them).

-Flowers that I have already arranged in a vase OR an arrangement that I have purchased already in a vase, so the hostess does not have to do any work arranging.

-Special tea if the hostess is a tea drinker or an interesting coffee if the hostess is a coffee person.

I only bring wine to certain friends because I hate for the hosts to think that I brought something that should be consumed at the meal.

I know I go overboard, but I'm from the South. Its how we roll.

Wine, bottle of a favorite liquor, or flowers.

I wouldn't bring anything if that's what they said. I'd honor their request.

I definitely wouldn't bring flowers.

When we have a party we always tell people on to bring anything. We are hosting so I don't expect others to make a dish. Actually it would bother me if they still ended up bringing a meal. A bottle of wine or flowers is very nice. We were invited to this party and my husband said we needed to bring a dish. I made a dish and my husband picked up beer (because he always has to bring the alcohol he consumes per him) and...............the host asked us and everyone else to chip in $20 per family for the meat he got for his own party. WTH???