Anonymous
Post 11/20/2011 12:44     Subject: Daughter getting married
"The grooms family did the brides maid dresses. "

Huh?
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2011 11:52     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:To all the couples who paid for their own wedding. Your parents sound cheap and selfish. Maybe they don't like who you married and felt it was not worth the investment. Do you also have huge education loans? Sounds like you were not a huge priority. Break the cycle. Parents do not have to provide everything. I can see why a lot of you DCUM parents don't vauee your kids grandparents.

My parents were not cheap or selfish. My dad had been unemployed for an extended time and when I did get married, he had found work in his field, but it did not pay well. My mom was not earning much.
It really was stretch for them to even provide the cost of my wedding dress rental and pay for the cake
The grooms family did the brides maid dresses.
Anonymous
Post 11/20/2011 05:36     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:A parent can come up with something, anything. Regardless of their financial choices. FWIW, I drive an 11 year old car, buy my clothes at consignment shops. As far as breaking the bank for this wedding, I OWN a half million house and it fine with me to dig a mere 25 out of it. You sound like you don't value materialistic things, and that will serve you well. Don't assume others are materialistic. When you get older and you think of what you have left behind, it's your kids. And it is a joy to be able to do this. I just don't understand how the grooms parents can expect the bride's parent to foot the entire bill. We will help our son out when he gets married. My parents paid for my wedding, but seriously. In this economy. I feel like the future inlaws are using tradition as a weapon.


Don't assume that the groom's parents expect the bride's parents to foot the entire bill. They might expect the young couple to foot the bill. What the groom's parents can or want to contribute is frankly none of OP's business. Her decision to behave fiscally irresponsibly does not obligate them to do the same. Parents should contribute only if they want to do so.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 21:49     Subject: Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:People spend their money in different ways. If YOU think my spending $20K on a wedding is a waste, I may say your kid's private school is a waste. Or your jewelry. Or your BMW. Or vacations. Or whatever it is. EVERYONE PRIORITIZES DIFFERENTLY,PEOPLE, and if you say you are without a few "not-so-wise" financial choices in your life, you are lying.


Your comparisons are stupid. Everything except for private school are all tangible goods that hold monetary value. Private school is very valuable for children especially if they live in a low income school district. So your comparisons to a 1 time 4 hour event that doesn't hold future monetary value or the potential for that individual to make more money via a better college or career are stupid.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 15:54     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
A parent can come up with something, anything. Regardless of their financial choices. FWIW, I drive an 11 year old car, buy my clothes at consignment shops. As far as breaking the bank for this wedding, I OWN a half million house and it fine with me to dig a mere 25 out of it. You sound like you don't value materialistic things, and that will serve you well. Don't assume others are materialistic. When you get older and you think of what you have left behind, it's your kids. And it is a joy to be able to do this. I just don't understand how the grooms parents can expect the bride's parent to foot the entire bill. We will help our son out when he gets married. My parents paid for my wedding, but seriously. In this economy. I feel like the future inlaws are using tradition as a weapon.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 15:35     Subject: Daughter getting married
People spend their money in different ways. If YOU think my spending $20K on a wedding is a waste, I may say your kid's private school is a waste. Or your jewelry. Or your BMW. Or vacations. Or whatever it is. EVERYONE PRIORITIZES DIFFERENTLY,PEOPLE, and if you say you are without a few "not-so-wise" financial choices in your life, you are lying.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 15:34     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
To all the couples who paid for their own wedding. Your parents sound cheap and selfish. Maybe they don't like who you married and felt it was not worth the investment. Do you also have huge education loans? Sounds like you were not a huge priority. Break the cycle. Parents do not have to provide everything. I can see why a lot of you DCUM parents don't vauee your kids grandparents.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 15:27     Subject: Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:I just got married two years ago and my fiance and I put together our own budget based on what we have saved (about $20K), and stuck to that. We did not ask expect anyone to contribute (although really we knew the would.) Then when each of our parents figured out what they could contribute, (my mom a few thousand and his parents a few hundred) it was a nice, much appreciated added budget. This worked out great because it kept costs down and we used their money for the "extras" like a string quartet during the ceremony.


$20K was part of our payment toward a home.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 13:16     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Okay, now you are bashing our over 50 financial choices. A retired federal worker has been saving for retirement since our 20's. Our homes are worth over twice what we paid for them. We have made financial decisions that have enabled us to put our kids through college as well as providing camp, traveling and various enriching experiences for them along the way. Are you saving for your kids college, maxing out the amount you can put in a 401k and saving money? Did you buy a house that stretches you financially?
Money gives choices.....and we have choices. I hope you do as well as we have.


Fuck you and your fake bubble equity


selfish boomers ruined the economy


No need to pick on boomers. I'm over 50 and when we initially bought it was a stretch financially.

I'd be more likely to put wedding costs on a charge card. At least it goes to frequent flyer miles.


more boomer irresponsibility



How is that irresponsible? Pay cash and get no rewards points? Charge and pay off with no interest and get other benefits?
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 12:57     Subject: Daughter getting married
OP, You have your heart set on paying for a lavish celebration. That is perfectly fine as long as you do not expect eternal gratitude from your daughter or for her to deal with the financial fallout. This is your dream, not hers. Own it, enjoy it.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 12:50     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Okay, now you are bashing our over 50 financial choices. A retired federal worker has been saving for retirement since our 20's. Our homes are worth over twice what we paid for them. We have made financial decisions that have enabled us to put our kids through college as well as providing camp, traveling and various enriching experiences for them along the way. Are you saving for your kids college, maxing out the amount you can put in a 401k and saving money? Did you buy a house that stretches you financially?
Money gives choices.....and we have choices. I hope you do as well as we have.


Fuck you and your fake bubble equity


selfish boomers ruined the economy


No need to pick on boomers. I'm over 50 and when we initially bought it was a stretch financially.

I'd be more likely to put wedding costs on a charge card. At least it goes to frequent flyer miles.


more boomer irresponsibility
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 11:26     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Okay, now you are bashing our over 50 financial choices. A retired federal worker has been saving for retirement since our 20's. Our homes are worth over twice what we paid for them. We have made financial decisions that have enabled us to put our kids through college as well as providing camp, traveling and various enriching experiences for them along the way. Are you saving for your kids college, maxing out the amount you can put in a 401k and saving money? Did you buy a house that stretches you financially?
Money gives choices.....and we have choices. I hope you do as well as we have.


Fuck you and your fake bubble equity


selfish boomers ruined the economy


No need to pick on boomers. I'm over 50 and when we initially bought it was a stretch financially.

I'd be more likely to put wedding costs on a charge card. At least it goes to frequent flyer miles.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 10:15     Subject: Daughter getting married
OP, I would not pull equity out of the house to pay for any wedding. Besides in this economy, you may not qualify for home equity loan. (Lessons that many are learning from recession).

Size of the wedding should be dictated by budget and not by expectation.

If the kids are already living together, they should foot the bill and you can help pay for the cost. But expect that grooms parents to help out, so you will not be disappointed.
Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 08:37     Subject: Re:Daughter getting married
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all your input. I have been thinking about this a lot. Planning the wedding with my daughter has been such a joy. It will only bring us closer. And, we don't have to deal with any input from the groom's side.
I want this wedding to be all everything my daughter wants within reason. She has a sense of the cost of things. I was thinking about when babies come (I can't wait!!) I again will be the nurturer!
So, we have no equity left in our home!
Can you tell the antidepressants are working! LOL


Is that seriously you, OP? No more equity left in your house? You can't be a nurturer if you spend all your money and then need to rely on your daughter financially later. Bad, bad idea.


I'm a mom and if your DD's wedding is draining equity out of your home then NOTHING DD WANTS is within reason. Yes I'm shouting. I also have a brother and sons so I'm a SIL, potential MIL to a bride, etc.

A basic tradition is /was the groom's family picks up the bar bill.

Reading the post about no equity in your home suggests to me that you are paying for a wedding you cannot afford so perhaps the groom's family is correct in not offering cash at this point. Something is odd here.

Anonymous
Post 11/19/2011 08:28     Subject: Daughter getting married
"When it comes to my kids, we need to play it smart."

How can a fool do that, OP?