Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did having 3 mean you have a large family?

When 18 years from now it will cost you at least 300K to send them all to college.

I have 4 children. They are all expected to earn good grades so that scholarships will help them. Hubby and I will contribute to their education, but we will not be paying the full load. They'll pay for their education the way I did: for the most part, by themselves.

20:48 - I love you. Too much of that around here!

Anonymous wrote:When did having 3 mean you have a large family?

When 18 years from now it will cost you at least 300K to send them all to college.

When did having 3 mean you have a large family?

I am one of five so I always wanted a big family. My dh was not entirely on board but came around! We had a singleton, then twins (with some help) and after that got pregnant unexpectedly but unfortunately miscarried. Thankfully "it" happened again and we now have a fourth. We could not have asked for a more laid back easy going fourth. He has rounded out the family and while it is tough sometimes, overall we love it and can only see it getting better as time goes on. The days of three under three are behind us and now life is getting back to being enjoyable. I don't think we could do it if we both had to work. I am lucky to get to SAH. My dh also works nearby and is flexible so that also goes a long way to a happy family. The key is total teamwork between my dh and myself. He is a total gem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why do people who are not being asked for a response chime in on these threads? The OP specifically asked for the views of those who have 3 or more children. She did not ask people who have 2 to post why they chose not to have any more children. I don't mean to be snarky, I know these two posters were being sincere, and it would have been appropriate on a thread titled "Thinking of having a third child" or "Should we stop at 2?", but is not appropriate here.

Agree with you. It never ceases to amaze me how many parents of 2 come on these threads and speak poorly of their "friends" who have 3 kids or how they just couldn't pay enough one on one attention if they had three (implying that those of us with 3 or more aren't spending quality time with each kid).

It just seems so weird that they care how many kids other people have or want. Like they need to somehow justify their own choices by criticizing other people's.

I'm not reading into these posters the same way you are. Maybe you are insecure about your choices, which makes you defensive and paranoid?

I do not know why, but I always, from the time I was little, thought I would have three children. I had my first ds, and then went through a period of secondary infertility (4 miscarriages), so for a time, I was thinking it was not in the cards. In any case, we were able to have two more children after I was diagnosed and treated for a clotting disorder. After my second ds, in spite of having to take shots every day, I still did not feel done. I suppose there was a component of hoping for a girl, but after our losses, we would have been thrilled with a boy too. Dh took a bit of convincing to go for #3. He felt we were stretched thin enough with 2. DD was a bit of a surprise, but I can say for certain, after #3, I was DONE (and so was dh). Now that my youngest is 4, things are so much easier

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why do people who are not being asked for a response chime in on these threads? The OP specifically asked for the views of those who have 3 or more children. She did not ask people who have 2 to post why they chose not to have any more children. I don't mean to be snarky, I know these two posters were being sincere, and it would have been appropriate on a thread titled "Thinking of having a third child" or "Should we stop at 2?", but is not appropriate here.

Agree with you. It never ceases to amaze me how many parents of 2 come on these threads and speak poorly of their "friends" who have 3 kids or how they just couldn't pay enough one on one attention if they had three (implying that those of us with 3 or more aren't spending quality time with each kid).

It just seems so weird that they care how many kids other people have or want. Like they need to somehow justify their own choices by criticizing other people's.

False. Nobody cares how many children you have. I am not criticizing you having 3 children - in fact I think 3 is a really nice number to have....for those that can (that have the energy for it etc.).

However, have you ever read anything a childfree site where they criticize and focus on the worst parenting stories they've ever heard? They are not celebrating their childfree lives - they insult "breeders", as mindless idiots following society's "rules".

Anonymous wrote:

Why do people who are not being asked for a response chime in on these threads? The OP specifically asked for the views of those who have 3 or more children. She did not ask people who have 2 to post why they chose not to have any more children. I don't mean to be snarky, I know these two posters were being sincere, and it would have been appropriate on a thread titled "Thinking of having a third child" or "Should we stop at 2?", but is not appropriate here.

Agree with you. It never ceases to amaze me how many parents of 2 come on these threads and speak poorly of their "friends" who have 3 kids or how they just couldn't pay enough one on one attention if they had three (implying that those of us with 3 or more aren't spending quality time with each kid).

It just seems so weird that they care how many kids other people have or want. Like they need to somehow justify their own choices by criticizing other people's.

We had twins the second time and the third time we just weren't thinkinking it could happen because I had needed so much fertility enhancement before. Oh well. I still miss having a baby. Yeah, we'll be getting a dog soon, I know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was like you when pregnant with #1, wanted a large family, but then then after having two children the realities of being a parent sent such as stress, lack of sleep, financial considerations, time constraints, and lack of personal time and stopped at two.

You never know what you can handle until you are in the thick of it. Personally I feel that I can give two children a lot of opportunity and ample patient attention. I think if I had three kids, I'd lose my temper and probably not be the patient mom which is an important standard for me to uphold.

Exactly. I also have two. Two energetic sweet boys. Definitely enough!! They are very happy boys. I think another one would have stretched all of us too far. In fact I remember once, when the boys were around 5 and 6, seeing a father at the school with his three adorable kids who were around the same age and I complimented him on them and he said back - not jokingly - you should try taking care of them!! I didn't say anything because it was obvious that he was fed up from his tone of voice. Mind you, we all have those days... but I have a feeling it was just too much for them. Hopefully easier for them by now.

Why do people who are not being asked for a response chime in on these threads? The OP specifically asked for the views of those who have 3 or more children. She did not ask people who have 2 to post why they chose not to have any more children. I don't mean to be snarky, I know these two posters were being sincere, and it would have been appropriate on a thread titled "Thinking of having a third child" or "Should we stop at 2?", but is not appropriate here.

Whatever!

Hi everyone, OP here. What an interesting collection of responses! Thank you, all of you. I actually welcome anyone to reply, including those with views regarding why they did not have 3 (or more children). It's insightful to hear both sides of a story, and considering I may only have one (again, if I'm fortunate), I can only learn of the other views (even just 2 or more kids) from others. Will keep reading other posts that come in ...