Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

what neighborhood is this? Curious if we are in the same one.

Randolph Hills in Montgomery County...?

Overall I think people in the DC-area interact with neighbors less and less. I've bought a home a year ago in N Arlington and barely know my neighbors (I tried but gave up), but it's not a big deal for us, as we have friends in Arlington and all around the DC metro area. At first, I was bothered, but I realized that it really doesn't make that big of a difference....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do any of the posters saying "Location, location, location" actually live in a neighborhood where they don't fit in socially or socio-economically? (aside from the Cleveland Park poster who found that she didn't and chose to move)?
It's easy to say "location, location, location" until you're stuck in a neighborhood where you have very little in common with 90% your neighbors.
We live in one (beautiful house in upper NW DC which we afforded due to a combination of factors) and we often wish we had moved to Silver Spring, Takoma Park, etc instead. We have a decent enough income but we don't have the same lifestyles as any of our neighbors. I SAH but I don't have a full time nanny. I don't have a vacation home. I don't drive a luxury SUV. I don't wear all Patagonia. etc. etc. etc. People are nice but we are very different and I really wish we were surrounded by a different (more international, more middle class) community. I had no idea this would matter when I was buying a house and hadn't been in this situation. I would have said "location" as well and I did--evidenced by where we bought our house.

We do have social circles and friends all over the city but I wish we had them next door.

I think it's about really you and OP, and not the neighbors. Could it be that you are just projecting a bit on your neighbors? Unfairly? I, too, live in a beautiful house in NW DC (that we afforded on our own), but like you also do not have a full time nanny, vacation home, luxury SUV, and would never spend money on Patagonia. And, I have all kinds of neighbor friends.

Often, when people are holding back, people pick up those unapproachable vibes and respond accordingly. I think it was OP who said she "really tried," but if you are already judging the situation, that's not a lot of effort. I have hung out with friends in Mt. Rainier who have complained about their neighbors, so it's not all hunky dory there. It's attitude, plain and simple. OP, dig down and find the best solution for you and your family.

I'm the OP, and I think there have been quite a few posters who related to what I said and described a similar situation. It must have been one of them who said she'd "really tried". I haven't really tried yet, as we are still new here. And I don't want to give the wrong impression. It seems like there are many nice people here. People have been nice about introducing themselves, and the kids have been nice to our kids. So, really I'm just giving you my gut feeling. The kids seem nice enough, but when we actually do playdates, I find myself surprised how rude the kids have been to me and to my kids. (My kids don't seem to mind, so it's not that bad, I guess. But I mind on their behalf.) But this is just a handful of playdates. I'm sure there are kids here who are not like that at all. I know it takes time. It's hard to describe what I mean. I don't feel relaxed here, like you feel if you are really at home. Like how the one PP wrote that she felt about Takoma Park, and the other about Silver Spring. I'd like the feeling of moving into a neighborhood and having it feel like home.

But I know there is another side to this. There are some people who bring the feeling of "home" with them. Like the previous PP who was so happy with her community. Maybe it's really just that she was lucky, but I also get the sense that she's the kind of person who reaches out and enriches the whole neighborhood with her energy and community spirit. I tell myself I should stay here and be like that. But I still would love to have the kind of place that fits us like a glove. I don't know how to describe it, but feel some PPs understand.

Anonymous wrote:Do any of the posters saying "Location, location, location" actually live in a neighborhood where they don't fit in socially or socio-economically? (aside from the Cleveland Park poster who found that she didn't and chose to move)?
It's easy to say "location, location, location" until you're stuck in a neighborhood where you have very little in common with 90% your neighbors.
We live in one (beautiful house in upper NW DC which we afforded due to a combination of factors) and we often wish we had moved to Silver Spring, Takoma Park, etc instead. We have a decent enough income but we don't have the same lifestyles as any of our neighbors. I SAH but I don't have a full time nanny. I don't have a vacation home. I don't drive a luxury SUV. I don't wear all Patagonia. etc. etc. etc. People are nice but we are very different and I really wish we were surrounded by a different (more international, more middle class) community. I had no idea this would matter when I was buying a house and hadn't been in this situation. I would have said "location" as well and I did--evidenced by where we bought our house.

We do have social circles and friends all over the city but I wish we had them next door.

I think it's about really you and OP, and not the neighbors. Could it be that you are just projecting a bit on your neighbors? Unfairly? I, too, live in a beautiful house in NW DC (that we afforded on our own), but like you also do not have a full time nanny, vacation home, luxury SUV, and would never spend money on Patagonia. And, I have all kinds of neighbor friends.

Often, when people are holding back, people pick up those unapproachable vibes and respond accordingly. I think it was OP who said she "really tried," but if you are already judging the situation, that's not a lot of effort. I have hung out with friends in Mt. Rainier who have complained about their neighbors, so it's not all hunky dory there. It's attitude, plain and simple. OP, dig down and find the best solution for you and your family.

Go where you feel at home. I have a 2 yr old DD, bought before I knew I would be a parent in an up and coming neighborhood that stagnated when the market crashed. We're a 5 min drive from a well-to-do to wealthy neighborhood.

In my neighborhood, there's nowhere I would send DD to daycare, pre-school or elementary school. We go to the park in the well-to-do neighborhood, but despite countless attempts and opening conversations, have never made any friends -- apparently we dress well enough, speak well enough and behave well enough (my DD is more polite than a lot of those park/neighborhood kids! ) but once I answer the inevitable "where do you live," connections/rapport die.

My DD goes to a great daycare in Chantilly where I worked for a while, wonderful teachers and parents, diverse and middle class overall. DD has friends there and I've made mom friends, but getting together is a production because we don't live nearby.

If I can ever find a way to rent my place and cover the mortgage (I'm underwater currently), I'm going to cover the HOA fee myself and rent near DD's daycare. It's sad and lonely always having to get "dressed" and drive to see friends. I remember growing up with great friends in my neighborhood, going down the block to play, not having to always make plans, factor in travel time, worry about traffic. My first sleepover, I got scared and called my mom. She put on her robe and sneakers and walked three houses down to come and get me. I want that for DD, and I hope to have it in the next year.

If your kids won't have friends nearby, you'll soon see how difficult it is to try to get to a 10AM kid's function that's 30 min away when it takes an hour + to get yourself and DD dressed and out the door and she doesn't wake up til 7:30... And if she wakes up at 8 then you have 15 min to try to get some breakfast in her before you start getting ready. And don't try getting dressed (you or her) before she's done with breakfast, don't EVEN THINK about it ...

Anonymous wrote:The higher the price, the closer towards DC the better. The more further out and cheaper the more chance of illegals, welfare, etc... this will be your children's peers.

This is one of the silliest, most inaccurate generalizations I've seen on this board yet. I'm half an hour (in traffic) from the Mall, and my neighborhood is full of "welfare" and probably "illegals" as well. I grew up in western Fairfax County, and I doubt there's a single family in my old neighborhood on welfare.

Anyway, back to the OP's question, which is a great one. The neighborhoods I happen to love are ones in which I think I'd fit reasonably well socially. I figure if we can afford a particular house, our prospective neighbors would probably be similar to us socioeconomically, if in no other way.

Though I'd love to have neighbor friends once we move, I am used to having little to nothing to do with my neighbors, having lived in an apartment and a condo for many years. So if we don't connect with anyone in our next neighborhood, I will be disappointed, but I'll be able to live with it because at least I'll like where we're living.

I guess, then, I'd say that location trumps most other factors. Pick a house you love and can afford, in a neighborhood that is as convenient as possible, and hope for the best socially.

Anonymous wrote:The higher the price, the closer towards DC the better. The more further out and cheaper the more chance of illegals, welfare, etc... this will be your children's peers. Children of lower economic backgrounds will have families that are more concerned with the basic necessities where as more well off will be concerned with children's learning, extracaricular activies etc...

By staying with the spoiled children it will get your kid ready to do with these attitudes when he eventually leaves home, college etc... eventually he will have to deal w/ this attitude whether its now or later.

I'm thinking you are the type of person OP is trying to avoid in her current neighborhood.

OP - I don't have kids yet, but the same dilemma.

Anonymous wrote:I am facing your dilemma, OP. Right now my 5-year old and I live in a neighborhood that has a lot going for it location-wise (and I have no hope of affording anyplace better in terms of a location for commuting) but its hard to find neighbors like us -- English speaking, with children, my age group, similar careers, interests, etc. There are some, but none within a few blocks of us. And its getting harder to feel like it should be home as time goes on. My son isn't making friends in Kindergarten, after having a wealth of friends in daycare, I'm not connecting with other parents, and I'm feeling increasingly isolated.
We do have wonderful friends outside our neighborhood, but they are spread out across the DC region and honestly, I find it very hard to feel someone is a good friend when the idea of ever seeing them M-F is impossible.
So, I'm looking to move. I'm ready to give up some convenience to hopefully gain a sense of being home not just in my house, but in my neighborhood.

what neighborhood is this? Curious if we are in the same one.

I am facing your dilemma, OP. Right now my 5-year old and I live in a neighborhood that has a lot going for it location-wise (and I have no hope of affording anyplace better in terms of a location for commuting) but its hard to find neighbors like us -- English speaking, with children, my age group, similar careers, interests, etc. There are some, but none within a few blocks of us. And its getting harder to feel like it should be home as time goes on. My son isn't making friends in Kindergarten, after having a wealth of friends in daycare, I'm not connecting with other parents, and I'm feeling increasingly isolated.
We do have wonderful friends outside our neighborhood, but they are spread out across the DC region and honestly, I find it very hard to feel someone is a good friend when the idea of ever seeing them M-F is impossible.
So, I'm looking to move. I'm ready to give up some convenience to hopefully gain a sense of being home not just in my house, but in my neighborhood.

Anonymous wrote:"Yeah, your views on this will change in a hurry when dc are in school. I was all for diversity until Jalonte from the Hood started explaining to dd in first grade how people get arrested and smoke crack pipes."

OP, does your current neighborhood have people like this in it? No amount of location could make up for living in a neighborhood where this is the prevailing wisdom, IMHO.

Um. No. We ran as fast as we could to North Arlington.

I'm being a little flip, but I have to be honest -- I didn't like the attitudes my children were developing about black kids, who were always the ones in trouble, misbehaving, and otherwise self-entitled. This was in ACPS, by the way. My kids were learning from a very young age to associate bad behavior with skin color. It was really troubling.

Now, they are in an environment where education and achievement is universally valued. Yes, it's more lilly white, but they're not developing negative stereotypes. Instead, their exposure to children of other races happens more at church or other environments where values are more consistent.

I've lived in this are nearly 20 years. The ONLY high school I"ve ever heard of that does a decent job of genuinely integrating races and socioeconomic classes is Edison HS in Springfielf, VA. At the rest, they tend to self-segregate.

Anonymous wrote:Do any of the posters saying "Location, location, location" actually live in a neighborhood where they don't fit in socially or socio-economically? (aside from the Cleveland Park poster who found that she didn't and chose to move)?
It's easy to say "location, location, location" until you're stuck in a neighborhood where you have very little in common with 90% your neighbors.
We live in one (beautiful house in upper NW DC which we afforded due to a combination of factors) and we often wish we had moved to Silver Spring, Takoma Park, etc instead. We have a decent enough income but we don't have the same lifestyles as any of our neighbors. I SAH but I don't have a full time nanny. I don't have a vacation home. I don't drive a luxury SUV. I don't wear all Patagonia. etc. etc. etc. People are nice but we are very different and I really wish we were surrounded by a different (more international, more middle class) community. I had no idea this would matter when I was buying a house and hadn't been in this situation. I would have said "location" as well and I did--evidenced by where we bought our house.

We do have social circles and friends all over the city but I wish we had them next door.

What neighborhood is this? We'd like to move there STAT

Anonymous wrote:I love our neighborhood's quiet streets and convenient physical location (we're renting). But I know there are further-out, less convenient locations where I'd fit in better socially (more alternative, more international, more diverse). I think if my husband and I didn't have kids we would definitely look to buy where we are now, since our social life doesn't have to revolve around our neighborhood. However, I think about my kids and the friends they will make through school.

Is it better to be in a great location and be clinging to the bottom of the social ladder (here we'd be lucky to find something we could afford, and then it'd be a stretch for us), or to be in a neighborhood we can afford without such a stretch and where we might find more like-minded families. I do want my children to "fit in" and not feel like outcasts. I also am not very patient with them having playdates when I find the other kids spoiled and rude, and I'm finding that here. I know I'll get in trouble for saying that... I guess I'm just not good with kids. But I am sure there must be lower-key families like ours in this neighborhood too, and it could just take time to fit in.

If we stay in the great-location neighborhood, the investment in our home will be more secure.

It's better to fit in socially. You're kids will agree as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do any of the posters saying "Location, location, location" actually live in a neighborhood where they don't fit in socially or socio-economically? (aside from the Cleveland Park poster who found that she didn't and chose to move)?
It's easy to say "location, location, location" until you're stuck in a neighborhood where you have very little in common with 90% your neighbors.
We live in one (beautiful house in upper NW DC which we afforded due to a combination of factors) and we often wish we had moved to Silver Spring, Takoma Park, etc instead. We have a decent enough income but we don't have the same lifestyles as any of our neighbors. I SAH but I don't have a full time nanny. I don't have a vacation home. I don't drive a luxury SUV. I don't wear all Patagonia. etc. etc. etc. People are nice but we are very different and I really wish we were surrounded by a different (more international, more middle class) community. I had no idea this would matter when I was buying a house and hadn't been in this situation. I would have said "location" as well and I did--evidenced by where we bought our house.

We do have social circles and friends all over the city but I wish we had them next door.

Why do you care so much about what your neighbors think about you? In the end the jokes on them when they go bankrupt and you have lived within your means.

I don't care what my neighbors think, by in the heat of being a teenager, my DCs probably will.

"Yeah, your views on this will change in a hurry when dc are in school. I was all for diversity until Jalonte from the Hood started explaining to dd in first grade how people get arrested and smoke crack pipes."

OP, does your current neighborhood have people like this in it? No amount of location could make up for living in a neighborhood where this is the prevailing wisdom, IMHO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do any of the posters saying "Location, location, location" actually live in a neighborhood where they don't fit in socially or socio-economically? (aside from the Cleveland Park poster who found that she didn't and chose to move)?
It's easy to say "location, location, location" until you're stuck in a neighborhood where you have very little in common with 90% your neighbors.
We live in one (beautiful house in upper NW DC which we afforded due to a combination of factors) and we often wish we had moved to Silver Spring, Takoma Park, etc instead. We have a decent enough income but we don't have the same lifestyles as any of our neighbors. I SAH but I don't have a full time nanny. I don't have a vacation home. I don't drive a luxury SUV. I don't wear all Patagonia. etc. etc. etc. People are nice but we are very different and I really wish we were surrounded by a different (more international, more middle class) community. I had no idea this would matter when I was buying a house and hadn't been in this situation. I would have said "location" as well and I did--evidenced by where we bought our house.

We do have social circles and friends all over the city but I wish we had them next door.

Why do you care so much about what your neighbors think about you? In the end the jokes on them when they go bankrupt and you have lived within your means.

you missed my point entirely. It's not about what they think. I'm 150% fine that I buy all my clothing at Target, have never seen the inside of a DC restaurant nicer than 2 Amy's, have never been to Bloomingdales, never shop at Whole Foods, have had less than 5 hours of daytime babysitting this year, don't have a cleaning service, certainly have never been to a charity benefit, intend to use public school through high school, etc. etc. I don't judge the choices of others and could care less about their financials but pretty much my entire lifestyle is different than that of my neighbors. It's okay but life neighborhood life could be much better (and is for my like minded friends who live in places like Rockville).

I get that NONE of this matters to many people. They don't look to their neighbors for community or friendships. But many others as evidences by this post. There are definitely 2 minds when it comes to what people want from their neighbors.